


The Only One

by letsyesnomaybe



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Famous Liam, M/M, Normal Louis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-23
Updated: 2014-07-23
Packaged: 2018-02-09 08:15:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 63,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1975677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letsyesnomaybe/pseuds/letsyesnomaybe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At twenty three, Liam Payne has a achieved a lot in his life. From Grammy's to world tours, he has everything he's ever dreamed of. When he gets invited to the wedding of two of his childhood best friends, he has return to a town he turned his back on five years ago. He's forced to remember the reason why he left, more importantly he has to face the person who had been his sole reason for escaping.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm completely obsessed with Ed Sheeran's album, especially thinking out loud and one, so I decided to write this fic and got a little bit carried away. Sorry for the crappy summary. Any mistakes are my own (because I was to lazy to find a beta).

_‘Tell me that you turned down the man_   
_who asked for your hand_   
_'cause you're waiting for me’_

 

When Liam was nine he sang at the school talent show, he’d been so nervous that he almost didn’t make it to the stage. It was his mum who found him, curled up in the corner of the broom closet they had converted in to a dressing room. She’d brushed his fringe from his face, pressed a kiss to his forehead and told him _‘when you get out there, just look for someone who’s smiling and focus on them.’_

Liam didn’t think it made any sense back then because surely it would have been better for him to focus on someone that he loved, someone who he knew was enjoying the show. It’s not until he’s on his first world tour and he’s in sold out arena of over twenty thousand people, his family lost in the blur of faces, that he finally understands. Everyone is smiling. There are so many faces to chose from, so many people happy to hear him sing. It fills him with ecstasy and instantly overtakes any nerves he might have had.

He’s comes off stage after playing for a sold o2 and his entire family are backstage, spread out around him, each with individual proud smiles. He thinks of that moment in the broom closet as his mum curls up to his side on the couch, repeating over and over how proud she is of him and what he’s achieved.

“I almost forgot.” She tisks, leaning away from him for a moment to collect her bag from her feet.

Liam looks around the room as she fusses through her bag. His sisters are sat together close to where catering has laid out some food, whispering and glancing in his direction now and again. Their boyfriends are opposite, both with plates filled with food on their laps, talking about football, based on the hand gestures. His dad is wandering, chatting to members of the crew and looking over at Liam, probably telling them about he helped create him or something equally embarrassing.

“Here.” His mum says, dragging Liam’s attention back to her.

Liam glances down to what’s in her hand, it’s a plain white envelope with his name written across it familiar writing. His breath catches for a moment and his mother must notice because she puts a gentle hand on his arm and pushes the envelope in to his hand.

“It’s something nice, don’t worry.” She promises with an easy smile.

Liam stares at where his name is written for longer than necessary, until his mother, who is probably most patient woman in the world, makes a noise of complaint. He turns the envelope over and rips it open easily, tugging the card inside out. It’s black with purple cursive writing across it that reads: _Together with their families Zayn Javadd Malik & Harry Edward Styles request the pleasure of your company at their marriage. _

“I’m invited?” Liam asks, skipping the end of the invite explaining the date and time.

“Of course you are, sweetheart.” His mother frowns. “Do you really think they’d let you miss it?”

“I haven’t, I mean, it’s been years...” Liam trails off.

He moves his eyes from his mother’s frowning face back down to the invitation in his hand, it’s so very them. The caricature in the corner—that he knows has been done by Zayn’s own hand just by the way it’s been drawn—looks like them but slightly older and his heart yearns for the friends he once knew.

“It’s in your week off, before you go to America.” His mum informs him. “Harry rang me a few months back, made sure they booked it for when you were free.”

Liam’s chest tightens. “Why didn’t he ring me?”

The question isn’t rhetorical but he knows the answer and his mum must know this too, as she gives him a gentle smile and squeezes his arm again.  Their quiet moment is quickly overtaken as more people fill the room, some he knows and some he’s seen in passing, all part of advancing his career. He loses sight of his mum as he’s dragged from the couch by Jessica—his PA—and made to socialise.

***

It’s not until he’s back at his apartment that night—with his family safely tucked in a five star hotel down the road—that he finally lets his mind wander.

It had been five years since he’d seen any of them, six years since he left his little town on search of something more. He’d tried to keep in touch, through emails and texts. His life got to hectic, his schedule to busy and slowly but surely he lost touch with everyone he’d ever known. He’d only managed to keep his family because they were all stubborn buggers, his mother especially, yelling at his PA that he needed at least two weeks out of the year to breathe and be normal. He never went home—if it can even be called that anymore—they would always come to him or go with him to some foreign country.

They thought of going back there after all this time makes his chest ache and he finds himself spending most of the night tossing and turning, fretting over it. Unable to sleep, mostly because every time he closed his eyes, the one face he’s spent the past six years trying to forget, was glued to the back of his eyelids, like a beautiful nightmare.

***

The next two months he spends finishing the UK leg of the tour and making it half way through European leg. He’s lounging by the pool in his hotel in Italy—getting some sun for a few hours before he’s dragged off to the venue—when his phone buzzes with a phone call from an unknown number. He’s almost too lazy to pick it up, his bones aching from not moving for the past hour. His bass player Niall makes a noise of a complaint from where he’s spread eagle on the bed beside Liam, threatening to throw several buckets of water over him if he doesn’t turn the damn phone off.

“You do realise that would involve you moving.” Liam points out, reaching for the phone anyway.

Niall shrugs his severely burnt shoulders and turns his face towards Liam. “I knew the threat would be enough.”

“I was going to answer it anyway.” Liam argues, deflating when Niall just grunts and buries his face back in sun bed cushion.

He presses answer and barley gets half way through saying hello when Harry’s voice greets him. “If your daughter was going to be a flower girl, what colour dress would you want her to wear?”

“I don’t have a daughter.” Liam says confused.

“Hypothetically.” Harry sighs. “If you had a six year old with blonde hair and blue eyes then what colour dress would look best?”

“Wait,” Liam sits up on his bed and rakes his fingers through his hair. “Are you talking about Lux?”

Harry sighs again, this time more impatiently. “Yes, okay, it is Lux. Lou said it was up to me what colour dress she wears and we’re not having bridesmaids so it’s not like she can match them so she has a colour all on her own but how the bloody hell should I know what colour looks best on a blonde six year old—“

“Harry. Breathe.” Liam demands.

Harry stops mid sentence and takes a big gulp of air before pleading quietly. “Help?”

“Can’t your mum help you or Gemma?” Liam asks, fiddling with the laces on his board shorts.

“No, they’re not talking to me.” Harry mumbles and Liam can picture his pout.

“It’s a month before your wedding and your mother and sister aren’t talking to you.” Liam snorts. “What did you do, Styles?”

Harry’s quiet for a moment. “They’re a bit upset because we were originally having the wedding in March but then Zayn found this picture—remember that time we drove down to Jungle Creak and Louis dared you to jump off the really high part?”

Liam hums trying not to get caught up in the memory. “I broke my arm.”

“Yeah, and we took you to the hospital and you were like out of it on morphine.” Harry snorts, clearly letting himself go where Liam’s refusing to. “Anyway, we were looking for photos because Zayn wants to do this thing he saw online where the aisle is full of photos of us, it’s really cute actually—“

“Point, Haz.” Liam says and then holds his breath for a moment, a familiar feeling tugging at his gut as he cuts off Harry’s ramble.

Harry goes quiet again, which is never a good sign. Liam counts the white patches on Niall’s back where he clearly couldn’t reach to put sun screen, he gets up to fourteen before Harry speaks again. “I missed you.”

Liam sighs because that clearly wasn’t the point and he thought he had at least another month to prepare himself for things such as this.

“I know I don’t have the right because we’re not like, we’re not in each other’s lives anymore.” Harry says quietly. “But I did, I do. We all do, Li.”

“I missed you too.” Liam replies. He did, even if it wasn’t until his mother handed him the wedding invitation that he let himself remember that they still existed.

Harry lets out a long breath like he’d been holding it while he waited for Liam to speak. “I’ll see you in a month, yeah?”

“Yeah, don’t get too stressed out, okay?” Liam tells him. “It’s you and Zayn. No matter what happens, it’s going to be perfect.”

“Yeah, I won’t.” Harry promises. “Thanks, Payno.”

Liam feels his lips tugging up at the old nickname and gives himself a few more seconds before he finally says goodbye. Niall sits up when he doesn’t move for a good ten minutes, narrowing his eyes with a quizzical look.

“Jesus, you look like you could do with a drink.” He says, slipping his flip flops on. “C’mon, lad.”

Liam lets himself be dragged from the chairs over to their private bar and is relieved when Naill starts chatting to him about the show that night because it’s a great distraction.

***

Before he goes on stage that night Liam asks the wardrobe assistant her thoughts on what dress would look best on Lux and then texts her reply to Harry. When he comes off stage two hours later, he’s got two unread texts from Harry. The first is about five thank yous and a billion kisses, the second is a picture of the photo they had been talking about. It’s slightly blurry and Zayn’s thumb is covering half of his own face where he’s holding it for Harry to take the picture.

Liam’s chest aches to a point where he finds it hard to breathe, his eyes focusing in one person. The blue eyed brunette perched next to his sixteen year old self on the hospital bed, pointing at Liam’s casted arm with a wide grin.  

He doesn’t really think about the thing he does next as he texts Harry two words he’d always stopped himself texting back when he first left: _How’s Louis?_

Niall’s wiping the sweat off his face with a towel and peering over his shoulder just as a reply comes through. “ _’Do you really want me to answer that?’_ Answer what?”

“Nothing.” Liam says, trying to move away so he can reply to Harry.

Niall frowns. “You’d think after five years you’d trust me a bit more.”

“I do trust you.” Liam argues and sighs when Niall just raises his eyebrows. “It’s a long story.”

“Well how about we get a beer at the hotel and you can tell your pal Niall all about it?” Niall suggests.

 Liam takes a second to stare at Harry’s reply before shrugging his shoulders. “Alright.”

***

He doesn’t text Harry back because he’s still not quite sure what he would want the answer to be. He does spend the night getting drunk with Niall, blurting out his and Louis’ story.

He starts with the email he got when he was seventeen, from a talent agency that had found the cover videos he had uploaded to YouTube and wanted him to come to audition, to see if they maybe wanted to sign him. He tells Niall how Louis had been the first person he had told, thinking that his boyfriend would be just excited as he was. Only Louis wasn’t excited, he got pissed and called Liam selfish and a few other choice words. He finishes by telling Niall how Louis disappeared after their fight and that he ended up not going to his audition because he was pretty cut up about it, he leaves the part out where he’d travelled here there and everywhere trying to find Louis because he doesn’t want Niall to know how pathetic he actually is.

Niall rubs at the side of his face when Liam finishes. “That sucks, man.”

Liam notes that Niall’s cheeks are tinted red which means the shots they’ve been throwing back are slowly seeping in to his veins. He can feel them in his own, that nice buzz settling over him, that takes away having to think for a while. He nods, reaching for his almost empty pint, draining it of its content.

“What are you going to do then?” Niall asks once Liam’s put his empty glass down and gestured to the bar man for the bill. He puts his hand on Liam’s shoulder and leans closer. “I think that you should get a proper nice hair cut and a really expensive suit, show him how well you’re doing without him.”

Liam shrugs, handing the bar man his room key so he can add the drinks to his tab. “He’ll see right through it, he knows me to well.”

“Bollocks.” Niall scolds. “He knew the eighteen year old lad I met five years ago. You’re not the same person, Liam. Not in a bad way but in a like, you’re way more chill now and—“He hiccups and giggles. “I love you, bro.”

Liam snorts, slipping off his stool and helping his friend off his. “I love you too, mate.”

“I could come with you.” Niall suggests as he waits for Liam to get his card back from the bar man. “Be like your emotional wing man. Plus, there are always single ladies at weddings, easy lays.”

“You’re a filthy human being, Niall Horan.” Liam laughs as they stumble away from the bar and towards the lifts.

A few fans catch them as they’re waiting for the lift to arrive and they manage to compose themselves enough to take a few pictures. By the time they reach their floor, they’re both leaning on each other for support, the exhaustion of tour catching up to them, supported by the alcohol in their system.

Niall collapses on the spare bed once they’re in Liam’s room and Liam falls on to his own, finding another text from Harry when he tugs his phone from his pocket: _I’ll take that as no but Zayn says I should tell you that he’s coming to the wedding_

That night Liam dreams of a boy with blue eyes only now he’s aged five years and he doesn’t smile at Liam like he holds the stars and the moon.

***

Liam’s in Portugal, his last stop before his week off, when Zayn rings him. Its different hearing Zayn’s voice after all these years, it’s much harder to talk to him than it was to Harry. He’s guarded, Liam can tell.

“I just want to know if you’re coming to our bachelor party.” Zayn asks after neither of them speaks for a minute straight. 

Liam hadn’t planned to, he’d planned to back to his flat and sleep until Friday and drag Niall down for the day and then escape back to London as soon as he could.

He must take too long to reply because Zayn begins to speak again. “I know Hazza would like if you came but I understand if it’s too much trouble, with you being so busy and all.” 

“I’m not busy.” Liam exclaims, it might not be the best response.

“Oh.” says Zayn in a quiet tone that twists Liam’s gut.

“I can make it, when is it?” He asks quickly.

“Thursday night.” Zayn informs him. “It’s just a few pints down the dog and bone. I don’t want Hazza being so hungover he can’t make it to our own wedding.”

“I’ll be there.” Liam promises.

“Okay.” Zayn says and goes quiet for another moment.

 Liam waits, with that familiar twist in his gut he felt when Harry rambled on, when he remembers how Zayn takes longer to talk than others to speak sometimes, choosing his words carefully to make sure he gets his point across.

“Harry wanted to ask you but I said I would because I don’t think he’d be able to handle if you said no.” Zayn explains and when Liam doesn’t speak he continues. “Of course, you still have the option to say no.”

Liam scratches at the scruff on his jaw, suddenly feeling exhausted. “What is it, Z?” 

Zayn’s breathe hitches like he wasn’t quite expecting the nickname and Liam holds his own breath, not expecting it either.

“I’m sorry—“He starts.

“Will you sing for our first dance?” Zayn blurts cutting off Liam’s apology.

“Of course.” Liam agrees easily.

There’s a mumble in the background and then a yelp that Liam’s sure belongs to Harry before Zayn’s voice returns. “Thank you, you have no idea—.”

Niall appears in the dressing room, makes a hand signal to let Liam know they should be heading to stage. Liam mouths _‘two minutes’_ and focuses back on the person talking through the phone, except it’s Harry’s voice that greets him not Zayn’s.

“...There’s whole book of songs so you can choose the one you want to sing.”

“Whatever song you want I’ll sing.” Liam tells him and before Harry can’t start rambling. “I’ve got to go, sorry. They need me on stage.”

“Oh, right, yeah, sure.” Harry rambles anyway. “Big pop star, I forget sometimes, just think you’ve liked moved to London until I see your face on the tele.”

Liam laughs a little, it’s strained but it’s there. “I’ll see you in a couple of days.”

“Yeah, see you, Li.” Harry replies excitedly.

Liam hears Harry say something along the lines of _‘I know a famous person’_ before the line cuts off.  Niall appears again just as Liam’s tucking his phone in to his jeans.

“I think I preferred it when you didn’t have friends.” Niall says as he hands over his mic pack. “At least then we were on stage on time.”

Liam gives him a playful shove but he can’t stop smiling the entire walk to the stage. Even the tour makeup artist Olivia puts her hand on his forehead to check he’s okay, once she’s finished touching up his hair. Liam just rolls his eyes and doesn’t remove the smile from his face for the entire show.

***

Liam doesn’t leave his flat for forty eight hours once he gets back to London. When Niall turns up with a kit bag filled with clothes, he’s barley awake and has no idea what time it is or day for that matter.  Niall just rolls his eyes and pushes him towards the bathroom. By the time Liam’s showered and shaved, his friend has managed to clear up the flat enough that it should appease Liam’s house maid.

“Your mum got us suits, right?” Niall asks, piling clothes in to a bag for Liam.

Liam nods as he slips some boxers on, followed by a pair of light washed jeans and a black t-shirt. Niall’s throwing similar things in to a sports bag, along with a few essentials which he seems to just take from Liam’s unpacked suitcase.

They’re both fairly quiet as Liam locks up the home he’s barley spent five minutes in since he’s bought it. When they get down to the garage of his apartment block, he looks at the three cars he’d spent equal amount of time in as he had his apartment.

“Which one makes you less like a stuck up prat?” Niall ponders, rubbing his thumb across his chin.

“Range rover?” Liam offers, glancing over at him.

“To be honest, mate, whatever you turn up in they’re going to think you’re a stuck up prat.” Niall shrugs with a slight grin.

Liam hits him with his sports bag. “Stop enjoying this.”

“As soon as you stop making faces like someone stole your dog and sent you a video of it being cruelly decapitated.” Niall argues, heading towards the passenger side of the Ranger Rover.

Liam makes a face and begins to wonder if bringing Niall is going to make this transition any easier after all. He gets his answer when he opens the back passenger door to throw his sports bag in and finds Niall giggling in the passenger seat, holding Liam’s first album.

“Did you sign your own album?” He snorts, throwing his own bag through the gap in the chairs.

Liam closes the passenger door and climbs in the driver’s seat. “It was for practice. I didn’t want to sign copies for people and for it to be messy.”

“You’re one of a kind, Payner.” Niall grins and slips the CD in the player. “You are truly one of a kind.”

Liam finds himself smiling, even as the embarrassment that is his first album begins to blast through the speakers. Niall singing with it word for word as Liam pulls out of the parking lot.

***

It’s just over a three hour drive to his hometown and Niall makes it his mission to do whatever it takes to make Liam laugh the entire drive, which seemed to become a more difficult task the closer they got to the town.  Liam isn’t surprised that he knows the root, barley paying attention to the built in sat nav. By the time they’re driving through the streets he used to run down from the age of eight, he’s had to turn the damn thing off, finding it just another thing itching at his nerves.

Niall goes quiet as they drive through the narrow streets, clearly picking up Liam’s complete change of mood.  Everything is exactly how he remembers. From Scissor Sally’s where everyone got their hair cut and all the mothers went for a good gossip. The corner shop where Liam worked from the age of fourteen—the owner Terry used to pay him in sweats—until he left four years later. The chippy on the side street which they used to go to every Sunday after late afternoon surf and just before Liam takes the left turning in to the street his childhood home resides, there’s the dog and bone, where he had his first pint, his first kiss, his first everything really. 

“You alright, man?” Niall asks gently.

Liam blinks back to himself and realises he’d flicked the indicator on to turn in to the street but had been too busy going over old memories to actually move the car.

“It’s exactly how I remember it.” Liam says sullen.

Niall squeezes at Liam’s shoulder gently and it comforts him for a moment until they pull up outside his house, to be greeted by a driveway filled with people.

“Two days.” Liam assures himself.

“Be happy so many people love you, yeah? When I go home all I get is a clip round the ear from my Da and one of my Ma’s famous cooked dinners.” Niall jokes.

Liam smiles at him slightly, knowing he’s just trying to make it easier. After to being gone for five years to become who he is, he doesn’t think anything about the next two days is going to be easy. He pulls in to the driveway and barley has chance to turn off the engine before the car door is being tugged open and he’s being tugged on by people he hadn’t seen for years, the first familiar face that he remembers, isn’t someone he ever expected to see.

“Lottie.” He pauses, taking in her mousy brown hair and pregnant belly. “Oh.”

“Hi,” She smiles easily. “It’s good to have you home.”

“You’re, wow. Does he know?” He asks, ignoring all the other people trying to get to talk to him.

Lottie nods, her smile stays but her eyes give her away. “He’s home, do you know?”

“I guessed, yeah.” Liam nods and avoids her eyes because it hurts and he wishes it didn’t.

Before they can say anything else, the other occupants of the drive way get irritated and intervene. He’s being dragged from the car and in to more hugs that he’s given at any meet and great.

Eventually his mum drags him inside and shuts out all the nosey neighbours, which Liam is grateful for. Though he still feels like a bug under a microscope as they all gather in the kitchen.

“So, what time do we have to be at the dog?” He asks to break the tension.

“Everybody is meeting at seven.” His dad replies. “But Harry came by earlier, mentioned something about a song book, he wants you to go over to theirs when you’re ready.”

“By theirs you mean...”

“Zayn and Harry live in Terry’s old house.” Ruth informs him. “He gave it to them in his will, along with the corner shop and dodger.”

Liam frowns, he’d heard about Terry’s passing, his mum had pleaded for him to come home for the funeral but his schedule wouldn’t allow it and he’d had to send flowers and his apologies instead.

Another silence overtakes the room, his mother mentions something about making tea and Niall jumps up instantly to help. Ruth and Nicole potter around doing their own thing as his dad sits at the island, opening the local paper. Liam tells them he’s heading over to see Harry because the scene in front of him belongs to a life he’s not a part of anymore.

The walk to Terry’s house takes less than two minutes but Liam still manages to bump in to several people, all stopping him and acting like they’re surprised he’s back in town. He smiles politely, even signs some things for a young girl who stops him.

That’s it, that’s why he’d avoided coming back here all these years. He didn’t want to be another place where he was Grammy award winning Liam Payne who’s dated him, him and her. He wanted to keep this one place, where everyone still saw him as the kid who sang at every birthday, christening and wedding in the town. The kid who worked in the corner shop and babysat your kids on a Friday so you could go down the dog and bone for a pint. Part of the famous four, the golden one of the little buggers everyone loved to hate. 

He’s having a panic attack, he realises, once he reaches the steps to Terry’s—now Harry and Zayn’s—house. He braces his hands on the wall and closes his eyes, trying to control his breathing. He’d seen one his guards show Niall how to do it, when he’d had a panic attack, after they’d been dragged through a particularly gruelling group of fans and papz in France. 

“Hello?” Zayn’s voice pushes through the large pounding in his ears.

Liam looks up and Zayn’s face goes ashen.

Harry appears before Zayn or Liam could say anything. “Babe, what have I told you about leaving the door—Liam?”

“H--Hello.” Liam coughs, still not quite breathing correctly.

“Shit, did you run here from London?” Harry jokes, jogging down the few steps to be at his side. “How long have you been stood out here?”

“A few seconds,” Liam replies, unable to look up with the way Harry’s smiling at him.

A pair of arms moves around his waist and a face presses in to his neck, the twist in Liam’s gut returns. He looks up in time to catch Zayn’s retreating figure tugging a very elderly golden retriever back inside the house. He tugs an arm from where it’s trapped between his and Harry’s body and gently strokes it between the younger lad’s shoulder blades.

“Was thinking...” Harry starts, not moving his face from Liam’s neck. “Maybe, if you could, if you don’t mind, you could sing _‘thinking out loud’_ tomorrow?”

Liam’s entire body goes stiff as he’s reminded of the last song he’d ever let himself write about Louis. The one he’d hidden on his last album, in hopes that Louis would find it and then him.  

He hadn’t realised how quiet he’d been until Harry’s pulling back with his famous frown. “You don’t have to, of course.”

“Whatever song you want, I’ll sing.” Liam promises, pulling out the smile he’d been using for the past five years.

Harry pokes at the corners of his mouth. “That smile doesn’t work on me, Payno.”

“If you want me to sing it then I will.” Liam says and pinches Harry’s side just to make it familiar.

Harry wriggles away from him, with a small smile on his lips and curls his hand around Liam’s wrist instead. “Okay.”

He drags Liam inside then and demands to be told stories of all the famous people Liam’s met and all the crazy stuff that happens on tour. Liam feels slightly like he’s being interviewed but tries not to give the same boring answers he normally does, reminding himself that this is Harry. This is the same guy who once caught Liam wanking over a picture of his best friend and didn’t tell a soul until Liam was ready to do it himself.

 It still takes him a while to settle back in to it but the moment Harry pours them tea and flops down half on top of Liam on the couch, he’s blurting every funny story he can think of, most involving Niall.

***

Liam doesn’t see Zayn again until they’re at the dog and bone, they don’t speak but Liam catches his eye across the crowd of people and he tries to convince himself that the small twitch of lips is Zayn suppressing a smile. He sticks close to the bar, not really in the mood to talk to people who are all looking at him exactly the way most of the world does nowadays. Niall and Harry keep circling back to him, making sure he’s okay, somehow missing each other each time they do, which he finds more amusing the more alcohol he fuels in to his system.

“I can’t tell if you’re moping or if the Liam Payne I once knew is truly lost.”

Liam glances over his shoulder at the person behind the bar and furrows his eyebrows, not noticing the voice or the female face it belongs too. “I’m sorry?”

“Zayn was right.” She says sullen like she regrets to speak the words the moment they leave her mouth. “You really have morphed in to an arsehole that thinks he’s better than this place.”

“I’m not—“Liam tries to defend himself only to be cut off. 

“I spent six years mooning over the same guy as you, only for you to steal him out from under me and you can’t even do the decent thing and remember who I am.” She shakes her head and takes the towel off her right shoulder only to flip it over her left. She then proceeds to move her fringe out of her eyes and smile shyly.

 “Eleanor?” Liam guesses.

Eleanor nods. “Welcome back, Payno.”

“I’m sorry.” He apologises, he hates that he couldn’t recognise her when the only thing that had really changed about her was her lack of braces. “Christ, I’m such a dick.”

“A little bit but you always were, weren’t you.” She teases. “Why are you sat here on your own? You should be mingling, everyone in this town thinks the sun shines out your arse, not that they didn’t before but—“

“It’s different though, isn’t it?” Liam asks. He needs someone to assure him that it is and he’s not just seeing what he wants.

“What did you expect, Liam?” She retorts. “You can’t leave and become this Grammy award winning singer and come back and expect everyone to treat you exactly the same.”

“Why not?” Liam demands.

“Because that’s just not how things work, sweetheart.” Eleanor says with a sympathetic smile.

Liam opens his mouth to argue but its Harry’s turn to check up on him and apparently he’s had a few more shots since last time and decides to dump himself in Liam’s lap.

“Eleanor, my dear, could I have another alcoholic beverage, please?” He requests.

Eleanor nods and moves down the bar to mix Harry a drink of something. Liam has to slip his arm around Harry’s waist when he begins to slip, his bony bum digging in to Liam’s thighs.

“Stop frowning it’s making me sad and I’m supposed to be happy.” Harry groans, nudging his nose against Liam’s jaw.

Liam rests his head on top of Harry’s and stays quiet, letting the other lad play with his fingers as they wait for Eleanor to return with his drink. He gazes around the bar as Harry begins to hum the wedding march and feels an actual smile begin to tug at his lips, until his eyes find the person tucked in to the very corner of the room. His back is to Liam and his hair is much longer than Liam’s ever seen it but Liam would know the outline of his body from anywhere, he’d spent years memorizing it with his eyes, hands and lips.

“Harry, Hazza, get up.” He says, pushing Harry from his lap and jumping up.

“Liam, what—“

Liam ignores Harry protests and pushes his way through the bar and towards where he knows the back door is. There’s someone following him and Liam hopes that it’s Harry because he’d be the easiest to appease.

“I get that you don’t want to be here but you could at least pretend to be happy for Harry’s sake.” Zayn seethes.  

Liam closes his eyes, counts to three slowly in his head before turning around. “I’m sor—“

“Don’t.” Zayn holds up his hand. “I’ve had enough bullshit apologies to last a life time.”

“What do you want me to say, Zayn?” Liam deflates, dragging his callused fingers through the front of his quiff.

“I don’t want you to say anything.” Zayn snaps. “I want you to, fuck, I want you to try, Liam. Just fucking act for two days like you actually remember who we are and why you liked us, loved us even.“

Liam makes a noise of protest but Zayn steps forward, angry gaze clamping Liam’s mouth shut. He curls his fingers in to the edges of Liam’s undone denim shirt and Liam braces himself for a punch. Zayn drops his hand instantly and takes a step back, the fingers once curled in Liam’s shirt now tugging at the ends of his hair.

“Fuck, fuck.” Zayn curses to himself mostly and lets out a long breath. “Please, for Harry. Can you just pretend like you never left five years ago and became this person I don’t even know.”

“Zayn.” Liam tries but Zayn’s shaking his head and walking back inside.

Liam feels his fingers curl in to a ball and before he can think about the consequences, he’s punching the brick wall closest to his fist. A scoff comes from behind him and Liam spins around, only to come face to face with the person he was trying to avoid.

“Harry’s looking for you and I said I’d find you but I guess I’ll just tell him you’re busy.” Louis sneers and places his hands on his hips, like he has the right to be critical.

Liam shakes his hand out and holds it out in front of his face to inspect the damage and stretches it in and out a few times. He doesn’t look at Louis until he feels his heart can take the blow. But no amount of preparing can ever get him ready for how his breathe catches every time he looks at Louis. It’s still the same as when he was eight and this bright eyed ten year old had helped him up when he’d taken the bend on croakers street too fast on his bike.

His hair is longer—much longer than Liam had thought—his fringe is gelled back and away from his face. He’s dressed in dark skinny jeans, a white t-shirt with a smiley face on it and a washed out denim jacket. He looks how he did when Liam fell in love with him at fourteen and nothing like the twenty five year old he’s supposed to be. His eyes are still as blue as the ocean but he’s not looking at Liam, he’s almost looking through Liam and that’s what cuts the tiny piece of his heart that had Louis’ name hanging by a thread.

“I can’t do this.” Liam admits, dropping his eyes to his kicks.

“Don’t be such a twat.” Louis groans. “It’s been five years, there’s no way you still have feelings for me. Even if there was a tiny little horrid piece of you that even remotely thought as me as something more than a stranger, its two days and it’s for Harry and Zayn. Pull yourself together.”

Liam stays quiet, knowing it’s better to just do as Louis says because arguing with him only ended up with one person getting hurt and Louis made sure it was never him.

“You’re a grown ass man, Liam.” Louis growls. “It’s about time you started bloody acting like it.”

He goes inside and Liam’s left on his own, once again wondering why he wasted a good portion of his life on such a spiteful human being. He stays in the beer garden for longer than he probably should. When he finally calms himself down enough that he feels ready to join the party, he plasters on his winning smile and gears himself up to socialise with as many people will take him.

***

“We were only supposed to have a few celebratory drinks.” Zayn sighs, gently stroking his fingers through Harry’s damp curls.

Harry had got on the bar at one point, did a loud rendition of its raining men while pouring a jug of water all down himself. The entire bar had cheered him on, apart from Liam and Zayn, who were both trying to convince him to come down without getting themselves covered in water.

“I’m not drunk.” Harry whines in to Zayn’s shirt, his legs resting on Liam’s thighs.

“Your nose is growing, babe.” Liam jokes.

Harry turns his face so he can grin at him. “I’m really glad you came, Li.”

“Me too,” Liam smiles back easily, tapping out a random beat on Harry’s thighs.

Eleanor’s cleaning up the remainder of the glasses as Louis cleans up behind the bar and everyone is slowly heading out, coming over to where Liam, Zayn and Harry are sat to say goodbye. Niall disappeared part way through the night, told Liam he had a conquest and that he’d make sure to be there as early as he could in the morning. By the time the last of the stragglers are heading out, there’s only the five of them left and some guy who looks be in his mid thirties, sat at the bar with what looks like no intention of moving.

“We should get him home.” Liam says to Zayn.

Zayn nods, coaxing Harry to sit up slowly so he won’t be sick. “Are you going to be okay to close up, El?”

“I’ll help and we’ll walk her home.” Louis announces before Eleanor can speak, he glances at the guy sat at the end of the bar and Liam doesn’t let his mind imagine what that means.

“Liam.” Harry whines, now stood outside the booth Liam still occupies with Zayn. “Liam, can I have a piggy back?”

“No, babe, you can walk.” Zayn answers. “You’re too bloody old and long for piggy back rides.”

“I tell you what...” Liam curls his hand around Harry’s waist as he stands up. “If you walk all the way to yours without falling over, I’ll give you a piggy back up to bed.”

“Deal,” Harry yawns, head resting on Liam’s shoulder. 

Eleanor shouts her goodnights and they cheer back individually. Louis does the same and Liam ignores him, letting Harry reply for both him and Zayn. Harry barley makes it across the street without falling over and grabbing on to someone, by the time they’ve made it up the two streets to Terry’s old house, he’s practically been carried by Liam anyway.

“Piggy back,” Harry cheers and jumps on Liam’s back the moment they reach the path.

Zayn snorts, putting a supportive hand on Harry’s back to make sure he doesn’t fall as Liam tackles the steps. Then he steps in front of them to unlock the front door and Liam can’t help the smile tugging at his lips as Harry purrs against his ear, practically asleep.

“He was cat in a past life, proven fact.” Zayn states as he lets them inside.

“I think he’s a quarter cat, a quarter human, and quarter a breed not discovered yet.” Liam jokes, heading to where he knows the stairs are.

Zayn spends a moment locking the door as Liam begins to ascend the stairs and then follows them. “Our room is at the end of the corridor.”

“I thought that was the bathroom.” Liam inquires, following instructions anyway.

“It was but Hazza felt weird sleeping in Terry’s old room so we got it renovated.” Zayn shrugs, moving past them to open the bedroom door. “He decorated it himself.”

Liam notices it’s quite homely, as he carries Harry inside and Zayn switches the light on. It’s half the size of his master bedroom at his flat but the way its decorated makes Liam feel far more at home. The bed is in the center, the sheets crinkled from continuous use. There are photo frames everywhere, with both Zayn and Harry’s family in them.

There’s one from when they were younger, tucked away in the corner of the chest of draws. It’s from when Zayn first moved here when he was thirteen. Liam’s half falling over from where Louis had jumped on his back and Harry’s curled up under his arm with Zayn stood on the other side, his arm stretched out clearly taking the photo. He remembers that day, how quickly they had all got attached to Zayn.  That night he had help slept over Louis’ house and Louis had made him promise that they’d always be best friends, no matter what new pretty thing strolled in to town. He’d said yes quickly, not wanting to upset Louis for a moment. Everything was so different back then, it was all so easy.

Zayn tugs the sheet back on the bed and Liam gently drops Harry back on to it. He helps Zayn take off Harry’s shoes and the woollen jumper he’d decided to wear, even though it’s the middle of May. Liam steps back from the bed when Zayn flicks the button on Harry’s jeans and scratches at the back of his neck.

“Still wears these things like they’re painted on.” Zayn grunts, trying to get the jeans down Harry’s legs.

Liam snorts but doesn’t offer to help, stepping out of the way when Zayn manages to get the jeans down Harry’s ridiculously long legs. He drops them on to the pile of clothes on the floor and then manoeuvres Harry in to bed with ease, like he’s done it a thousand times. Harry makes a sniffling noise and turns his face against the pillow it’s resting on. Zayn strokes his hair from his face and for a moment Liam thinks he’s forgotten that someone else is still in the room.

“Nightcap?” Zayn asks, finally stepping away from Harry.

Liam nods dumbly letting Zayn guide him out of the room. The other lad switches off the light and shuts the door behind them, then leads the way back downstairs. Liam settles on the couch in the living room as Zayn goes over to the cabinet in the corner, where Terry used to keep his best liquor.

Zayn reads a few labels on the bottles and settles on one, closing and locking the cabinet once he’s satisfied. Liam feels himself sinking in the comfort of the couch cushions as Zayn disappears out of the room, only to reappear five minutes later with two glasses of whiskey and ice. He hands one to Liam and sits down next to him with his own.

They sit in silence for a good few minutes, both sipping at their drinks. Surprising both of them, it’s Liam who breaks the silence. “I can’t believe it took this long for you two to tie the knot.”

“He wanted to do it sooner.” Zayn shrugs.

Liam leans his head back against the couch and looks over at Zayn. “You didn’t?”

“I didn’t see the point in rushing things.” Zayn explains and shakes the ice around in his glass. “After what happened between you and Lou—I wanted to make sure we were solid, you know?”

“Me and Lou, we were completely different to you two.” Liam disagrees.

“You weren’t, not really.” Zayn argues and finally looks in Liam’s direction. ”You two were so solid, there was nothing that could break you and then something did and I just thought, the way you were, after he—I couldn’t do that to Harry.”

 “Do you want to leave? Are you not happy?” Liam asks the questions he wished he’d asked Louis all those years ago.

“I’m the happiest I’ve ever been and this is home, you know.” Zayn tells him with a sloppy smile. “That’s how I know, that’s why I finally said yes to the planning of the wedding. I know this is what I want.”

“You always were too sensible for your own good.” Liam snorts.

Zayn hums and doesn’t let the smile leave his lips. “I’m sorry about earlier.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for.” Liam dismisses.

“I wasn’t going to hit you. I kind of wanted to shake you, I’ve never been, we’ve never been, like. I’ve never been lost for words around you, Li.” Zayn admits. “It’s hard, I’ve never had to work for it and now I feel like I do.”

“I’m sorry I made you feel like that.” Liam says regretfully. “I do want to be here. It would have killed me if you two had got married and I didn’t know. I would have understood why but I would have probably had a good cry about it.”

Zayn huffs a laugh and nudges his elbow in to Liam’s side gently. “Harry would have never of let that happen.”

“What if it was up to you?” Liam asks quietly.

“Probably would have had a good cry about it myself too, mate.” Zayn jokes, dropping his gaze back to his glass.

They both fall in to a comfortable silence, finishing off their drinks. As dawn breaks through the small gaps in the curtains, they both decide they need some sleep in order to be ready for tomorrow. Zayn hands Liam a few blankets that are kept in the cupboard in the hall and makes sure he’s settled before getting ready to head upstairs. 

“Z?” Liam calls before Zayn can leave.

“Hmm?” Zayn hums hand on the door handle.

“I do love you guys.” Liam tells him with a yawn threatening to break.

“I know.” Zayn says and Liam can hear the smile in his voice.  

***

 Liam wakes up to someone jumping on top of him, a tiny someone, with limbs small enough to dig in places they shouldn’t be allowed to fit. He puts his hands on the bouncing person’s hips to stop them and blinks his eyes open, to be met by a very cheerful little girl with almost grey eyes and light blonde hair.

“Are you Liam?” She asks.

Liam’s head throbs but he nods anyway. “I am and you’re Lux,”

“Yes, how do you know?” Lux asks, still smiling.

“Well my friend Harry said there’s a very important role in this wedding and it belongs to a very pretty girl with blonde hair and goes by the name Lux.” He explains with his own matching smile that he can’t help, it’s catching.

“That’s me.” She beams. “I’m uncle Harry’s flower girl. It’s a very important job.”

He face goes serious for a second before her smile reappears as bright as ever. Liam laughs and tickles her until she’s giggling and wriggling off him, running out of the room in search of her uncle Harry. He closes his eyes, almost falling back to sleep until someone else slips in to the room, slapping him on the forehead, hard enough to hurt.

“Ow.” He whines and blinks his eyes open.

Louis towers over him with a serious frown. “It will be harder if you ever disappear like that again.”

“Do people in this town not know that mobiles were invented or...”

“Don’t get sarcastic with me, you little shit.” She scowls and raises her hand for another hit.

Liam reaches his own hands up to protect himself. “Point taken,” 

She sniggers and straddles the arm of the couch by his head. After a few minutes a hungover Harry stumbles in but there’s a cheerful grin on his face and it seems to grow that little bit wider when he spots Liam on the couch. Liam barley has chance to lift the blanket as invitation when Harry’s crawling on the couch next to him.

“You stayed the night?” He asks in disbelief.

Liam hums and buries himself in to the warmth of Harry, his eyes slowly closing back over, only to have them to shoot back open a second later, when Lux comes in to the room, demanding everyone _‘get their lazy bums up already’_.  Harry reluctantly moves from where he’d curled up next to Liam and leads her out of the room. Lou follows not long after, leaving Liam with a gentle stroke through his hair.

Liam doesn’t move, not until his mobile is buzzing in his pocket and it’s his mother demanding to know where he is. He tells her and lets her know he’ll be home in a bit. Not wanting to make her wait too long, he goes on search of the other occupants of the house. He finds them in Zayn and Harry’s bedroom, all curled up in the bed like the calm before a storm.

Liam bounces on the heels of his feet in the doorway. “I’m gonna head off...”

“Li?” Zayn calls before he can leave, he’s got Lux curled up to his side, magically much more placid than she had been earlier. Liam is used to Zayn having that kind of effect on people, like he’s got a calming aura surrounding him.

Liam pauses in the doorway, burying his hands in the pockets of his jeans and raising his eyebrows.

“We were thinking...” Zayn starts and then pauses, glancing to his left at Harry.

“Remember that promise we made that if you ever got married that...” Harry trails off leaving the _‘we’d be your best men’_ in the air because that promise was made before Harry and Zayn were even dating, when he and Louis were still in their love bubble. It was Louis’ great idea that he blurted like an epiphany after a particularly gruelling surfing session one Saturday.

“Does that mean—I mean is he?” Liam stumbles, words getting caught in his throat.

“Louis is Harry’s.” Zayn nods. “We were wondering if you, maybe, wanted to be mine.”

“Of course,” Liam replies instantly without thinking it through.

It’s not until he’s said his goodbyes and is on the short walk back to his mum and dad’s that he realises what that means, standing on an alter opposite Louis on a wedding day that isn’t theirs.

***

“We’re going to get their after the grooms at this rate and Harry is definitely going to kill you if that happens.” Ruth yells up the stairs as Liam stares at himself in the mirror.

Niall comes up behind him and places a comforting hand in his shoulder. “Okay, man?”

“I just needed a minute.” Liam tells him and takes a calming breath and turns towards his friend. “How do I look?”

“Smashing.” Niall grins. “Could break a few hearts with how good you look.”

Liam laughs and gives him a playful shove. “Thanks, mate.”

Niall’s grin only widens and then Liam’s dad is yelling for them to get a move on and he’s dragging Liam out of the room and down the stairs. His mum is smiling at him by the time they reach the hallway, tears already in her eyes.

“Have you filled your bag with hankies?” He teases, putting a comforting arm around her shoulders.

She gives him a shove much like he did Niall and Liam laughs, pressing a kiss to her temple as he leads her out of the house. They all pile in to his range rover, with his dad driving. Liam keeps his mum tucked in to his side, whispering reassuring things to make her smile as they drive the ten minutes down the coast to where the ceremony is being held.

“Are you going to be okay?” His mum asks when they step out of the car, the Tomlinson family doing the exact same in the spot opposite.

Liam nods, glad that Louis isn’t with them because it means he still has a few minutes to prepare himself. He tries to repeat the words in his head that Louis said the other night. Like he did when they first broke up, he tries to tell himself that Louis doesn’t deserve him, that he shouldn’t love someone who clearly doesn’t have a caring bone for Liam in his entire body.

He catches Lottie’s eye as they two families walk together down the path towards the beach where the ceremony is being held. She smiles softly and it easies the tension in Liam’s shoulders somehow.

Christina Perris _‘A thousand Years’_ is playing as all the guests take their seats and just like Harry had explained when he had first rang Liam, there are pictures leading the way down the aisle, starting with the one Liam clocked in their bedroom their bedroom last night, all the way up to one that looks to be from the night they got engaged, judging from the way Harry is holding his hand up in the photo.

Niall gives Liam’s arm a gentle squeeze when they reach the altar and then he disappears to sit with Liam’s family, in the row behind where Zayn’s family are sat. Liam takes his place on the left side of the altar, smiling at Mrs Kean, who has been marrying people on this beach since before Liam had even moved here. 

He fidgets as he waits, glad that Louis turns up only moments before Harry and Zayn are due to arrive. He tries not to pay that much attention to the other lad, even though he manages to notice that their suits match and mentally curses his mother for being so devious.

Lux arriving—dressed in a baby blue dress that matches the cravats both Liam and Louis wear—is great distraction because watching her walk down the aisle, throwing fake rose petals out of the basket in her hand, means Liam no longer has to force himself not to look at Louis. She beams at Liam when she reaches the altar and Liam winks at her playfully, sending her in to a giggle fit as Lou drags her away from him and to the seat they have at the end of the very front row on Harry’s side.

Liam’s breath hitches slightly when Harry and Zayn arrive hand in hand, the song has been changed to _‘You and me’_ by lifehouse and the pair of them are ginning so wide that their cheeks look ready to split in two. Liam realises then how much he had meant what he had said to Zayn last night, he wouldn’t want to miss this for the world.

***

He makes it through the ceremony, the wedding photos and the speeches at the reception before he has to disappear for a little while, to be on his own. Only in this town, there’s no such thing as privacy and Liam’s only been outside for five seconds before someone is coming out behind him.

“You’ve stayed longer than I thought you would.” Louis says in a spiteful tone.

Liam doesn’t turn around. “That’s rich, coming from you.”

“Oh here we go _‘oh woe is me’_ poor little Liam blames all his problems on anyone but himself.” Louis scoffs. “You’re so predictable, it’s pathetic.” 

Liam counts to three slowly in his head, just as he had with Zayn the night before and then turns around. “What do you want, Louis?”

“You really hate me, don’t you?” Louis smiles, it’s twisted.

“No.” Liam answers honestly. “You’re making it very hard to like you right now but no, I could never hate you.”

Louis’ face falters for a moment before he stools it to something unreadable. “You’re one of a kind, Liam Payne.”

The words aren’t fond in the way they were when Niall had said them. They’re spiteful, more like Louis is disgusted with the sentence than pleased with it. Liam stiffens his shoulders and turns his back to Louis, hoping if he ignores the other lad for long enough, he’ll just go back inside.

“You do realise you’re a hypocrite, right?” Louis says. “You always blamed me for leaving but you did exactly the same thing a month later. You left Zayn and Harry, the exactly the same way I left you.”

Liam tightens his grip around himself, trying not to break, not wanting to give Louis exactly what he wants.

“At least I came home.” Louis continues, moving in front of Liam. “You left and pretended like the town that raised you and loved you, didn’t exist anymore. I don’t see how I’m labelled as the bad guy here.”

“Do you want me to take the blame?” Liam asks him. “Is that what it will take you to stop being a dick? If I just hold my hands up say it’s my fault?  I know I made you leave, Louis. I blame myself every fucking day for it.”

Louis folds his arms and grins. “You really haven’t changed at all, have you? You’re still that scared seventeen year old I left six years ago.”  

“Yeah,” Liam says, his shoulders deflating. “Yeah, whatever you say, Louis.”  

For a moment he wishes Niall would appear, he’d yell at Louis. He’d tell him how different Liam is, how he’d had to grow a back bone once he’d left their small town. The tabloids take the piss out of him on a daily basis, label him this and that, take pieces of what he’s said and twist it so he looks like a dickhead.

Liam can argue with his publicist when she tries to get him to pretend that he’s 100% straight. He can disagree with the label when they think that certain songs sound to ‘homoerotic’ to be put on the album. He can answer interviewer’s controversial questions in a way that can please everyone. But when it comes to Louis, he finds himself tongue tied, he turns back in to that seventeen year old that thought he’d spend the rest of his life with the boy stood in front of him.

“Maybe if you had any kind of back bone, I might have stayed.” Louis says with his eyes narrowed in a challenge that Liam doesn’t want to take.

“Maybe,” Liam replies quietly.

“You’re pathetic, Liam.” Louis growls spitefully. “Completely pathetic,”

He leaves then, his leather oxfords clipping against the marble floor as he storms back inside where the reception is being held. Liam curls his fingers around the metal fence surrounding the small balcony area, trying to keep his breathing under control. He doesn’t know how long he’s stood there when he hears heels clicking along the marble floor. He knows who it is by the familiar perfume before Louis’ mother has the chance to say a word.

 “My son never was one for sweet reunions.” Jay says softly, coming to stand beside him.

Liam opens his eyes to stare down at his pale knuckles. “Never was one for heartfelt goodbyes either.”

“True.” She agrees. “It’s my fault, I suppose. I taught him to look out for himself first.”

Liam loosens his grip around the metal bar to lean down on it instead. “It’s been five years. You’d think we’d moved past it by now.”

“I don’t think you ever get over your first love, darling.” She says wisely. “You just tuck it away in the corner of your heart and move on with life.”

“I’m trying.” Liam sighs and gets a sympathetic smile in return.

They both fall silent then, looking out at the sun disappearing down between the trees just ahead.

“You’ll have to invite us to a concert some time.” Jay says eventually.” Our little Doris is a mighty big fan of yours.”

“I’ll make sure to sort something out.” Liam tells her and then watches as she disappears back inside, passing a giddy looking Harry on her way. “Hello Mr Malik.”

“Malik-Styles,” Harry corrects, curling his arm around Liam’s shoulder and smiling in to his neck. “Officially,”

“Mr Malik-Styles.” Liam pinches the younger lad’s waist. “Your poor kids, what a mouthful,”

Harry’s lips grow impossibly wider at the mention of kids. “We’re ready for our first dance, if you don’t mind.”

“Of course,” Liam says waiting for Harry to move before following him inside.

Niall is on the stage, an acoustic guitar tucked safely in his hands. Harry dethatches from Liam the moment they get inside and heads straight for Zayn, who’s still sat at the main table, chatting happily to his father. Liam sits down next to Niall, behind where the microphone is set up for him.

“Are you sure you can do this?” Niall asks.

Liam looks over to where Harry is dragging a reluctant looking Zayn on to the dance floor. “Yeah, I think I can.”

Niall nods and begins the first few cords of the song, tapping his foot and nodding to Liam for his cue to come in.

 _“When your legs don’t work like they used to before...”_ Liam sings with his eyes glued to where Harry and Zayn are curled together in the middle of the empty dance floor, everyone who loves them crowded around them, all with fond expressions.

He makes it half way through the song, not thinking of the words he’s singing but instead watching his two best friends stumble over each other and smile at each other with such fondness it’s sickening.

 _“’cause honey your soul could never grow old, it’s evergreen.”_ He sings, his eyes finally looking across the crowd. When he finds the muse of the song, he can’t look away, even if the guy from the bar the other nightis wrapped around said muse, making Liam’s stomach twist with jealously. _“And baby your smile's forever in my mind and memory.”_

Louis’ eyes are glued to him and Liam doesn’t have to try and remember the smile that he wrote that line about because it’s there, it’s aimed at him. His chest aches where the string of Louis’ name had been abandoned, as it slowly begins to be sewn back in to the corner of his heart.

 _“I’m thinking ‘bout how people fall in love in mysterious way, maybe it’s all part of a plan.”_ He singing to Louis now and he wishes he could look away, remembering how much it hurt to lose him the first time. _“I’ll just keep on making the same mistakes, hoping that you’ll understand.”_

Louis looks away, his eyes moving to the two on the dance floor. Liam drops his own gaze to his feet, finishing the song without trying to get lost in any of the lyrics. Everyone claps when the song comes to an end, even Zayn and Harry, who are beaming at him from the dance floor. The requests come flooding in immediately and Niall happily obliges to play the ones that he knows as Liam sings.

***

An hour and twenty songs later, he’s more exhausted than he has ever been after any concert. It’s Harry who saves him, waving off his younger relatives and tugging Liam down from the stage. The DJ in the corner flicks on his set and _‘All about you’_ by Mcfly begins to play as Harry drags him on to the dance floor.

“You’re such a dork.” Liam laughs as Harry entwines their one hand and rests the other on Liam’s waist, moving them around the dance floor at a much faster pace than a slow dance.

Harry grins. “Thank you, for coming and singing. It made Zayn really happy.”

“It made Zayn happy huh?” Liam says with raised eyebrows.

“He said he was going to fly out to whatever sodding country you were in to come and get you, if you turned down the invitation.” Harry shrugs. “Not that I didn’t want you here too.”  

Liam lifts his free hand to ruffle Harry’s hair. “I’m glad I came too.”

They dance for the rest of the song and then Liam’s being pulled away to dance with what feels likes every member of the small town. When the conga line starts, there isn’t a person not on the dance floor.  Liam bags out, even managing to say no to Harry’s puppy dog eyes because his legs just can’t take standing anymore. He’s almost at his seat when a hand curls around his wrist, dragging him back towards the dance floor.

It must be the shock that has him not questioning as Louis joins the end of the conga line and positions Liam’s hands low on his hips. Harry—who is at the front of the line—decides to lead the way around all of the tables and down the corridors of the venue, which means Liam spends at least ten minutes with his hands on Louis’ hips.

When the conga line eventually breaks up—mostly because Harry gets bored—Louis doesn’t say anything, he shakes himself away from Liam’s hands and makes his way across the room to the bar. Liam goes back to his seat and downs the remaining bottle of champagne resting on the table.

“Are we getting drunk?” Niall asks, appearing out of nowhere.

Liam wipes at his mouth with the back of his hand. “That’s the plan.”

“I’ll get us some shots.” Niall woops and disappears again.

Liam slouches in his seat and closes his eyes when suddenly the room goes dark and a deep American accent comes through the microphone.

“Louis?  Sweetheart, where are you?” The person asks.

Liam’s eyes shoot open and he finds Harry is now sat to his left, his hand slowly slipping over Liam’s that’s resting on the table. Liam tries to give him a _‘what the hell is going on’_ look but Harry is avoiding looking at him.

“There you are.” The voice says cheerfully.

 Liam’s eyes scan the room until they find Louis, who is stood on the corner of the dance floor with two pints in his hand, looking everything but a deer caught in headlights. A spotlight is on him and the spotlight that is on the bar guy is moving as he makes his way across the room to where Louis is.

“I know you hate big romantic gestures.” Bar guy says. _That’s a lie_ , Liam thinks. “But we fly back to LA tomorrow and I know that I wouldn’t get another chance like this, where everyone you love is gathered in one room.”

 _No, no, no, no._ Liam chants in his head and now he’s grateful for Harry’s hand because he flips his over and holds on to it for dear life. Bar guy is gesturing to someone who’s just out of the spotlight and Phoebe appears, taking the beers from Louis and disappearing back in to the darkness.

“Louis Tomlinson, you have been a pain in my arse for the last eighteen months.” Bar guy grins as he takes Louis’ hands. “Literally,”

Harry winces and Liam commiserates. The joke is distasteful, especially considering Louis’ family—Including his three year old brother and sister—are in the same room.

“You’re a controlling little shit.” Bar guy jokes and Liam wonders if anyone would notice if he slipped out the fire exist. “You even wanted to know where I was going with Harry yesterday, when we went for breakfast so I could ask him if it was okay for me to do this.”

He must look over in Harry’s direction because Louis is looking over his shoulder, his eyes looking directly where Harry and Liam are sat, his face is unreadable. Liam feels sick.

“Even though you have your faults that we need to work on,” Bar guy says, pulling Louis’ attention back to him. “There are many things I love about you and I wouldn’t mind spending the next fifty years—“

Liam doesn’t listen to the rest and he doesn’t want to stay to see the guy drop down to one knee and see Louis happily accept. He pulls his hand from Harry’s, not caring that his chair makes a noise as he pushes it back from the table. He stumbles slightly in the darkness but manages to make it out to the fresh air without causing much of a disturbance.

Someone follows him out because this is his hometown and the dictionaries definition of privacy doesn’t exist to these people. “You’re such a dick.”

“We’ve already established that.” Liam agrees, curling his fingers around the cold metal in front of him.

“You’re a celebrity, don’t they teach you to fake smiles and not have feelings in your world?” Eleanor says curiously, leaning against the metal fence to face him.

Liam gives her an incredulous look.

“What?” She queries. “You’re telling me you they haven’t taught you how to deal with rude journalists?”

“This isn’t, it’s not the same.” He says faltering. “It’s Louis.”

“I’m perfectly aware of who it is, babe.” Eleanor says reaching out to brush his hair from his forehead.

Liam tries to smile at her and it’s the first time he’s found it hard to smile all evening. “This is why I couldn’t do it.”

“This is why you couldn’t come back home.” Eleanor says in a matter of fact tone and curls her free arm around his waist, under his suit. “He’s not always here, you know. You could plan your visits around when he’s here or maybe, you know, grow some balls.”

“I can’t watch him marry someone else, El.” Liam replies through a cracked voice. “If that makes me a coward than let it be so but I can’t. I won’t.”

Eleanor’s face looks pained and she tightens her grip around him. “Then do the first one, plan your visits around his. I’m sure Jay will be happy to oblige, let your mum know when his visits are planned for. I don’t want to have to watch Harry and Zayn go through what they did the last time you left.”

Liam goes quiet for a moment and then he looks down in to her pleading brown eyes and nods. “Okay, I’ll do that.”

“Good.” Eleanor says with an easy smile.

A cough comes from behind them then and Liam drops his hand from the fence where it was bracketing Eleanor in so they can both turn around. Louis is stood in the doorway to the venue, his hand void of an engagement ring.

“Can I talk to you?” He asks, staring straight at Liam.

Eleanor takes that as her cue, pressing her lips to Liam’s cheek gently and squeezing Louis’ bicep as she passes him to head back inside. Liam leans back against the fence, his hands curling around the bar behind him to brace himself for whatever Louis has to say.

“So, you ruined my proposal.” Louis says with a smile, it’s the same twisted one from earlier.

“Stop,” Liam pleads, lips pulled down. “Stop pretending like you’re a person who doesn’t give a shit about anything.”

“I give a shit about Richard and I was about to say yes to his very lovely proposal before you decided to go all damsel in distress.” Louis proclaims, folding his arms across his chest.

“You didn’t say yes?” Liam asks cautiously.

“I was about to.” Louis informs him. “But then everyone got so worried about you that they didn’t give a shit about Richard’s proposal anymore. We can’t have the towns number one celebrity upset now can we, he might run away and never return.”

“You know what—“Liam starts, feeling his anger get the better of him.

“What?” Louis pushes looking positively ecstatic that he finally got a rise out of Liam.

“I think I’m going to go home.” Liam deflates, he tries to push past Louis to get back inside to say goodbye to Zayn and Harry. Except Louis moves in to his path, putting a firm hand on his chest to stop him “Move, Louis.”

“Why don’t you yell at me or scream at me or call me a prick for leaving?” Louis demands, his voice growing louder with every word. “Or punch me, why haven’t you ever punched me, Liam?”

Liam frowns at him and removes Louis’ hand from his chest. “Why would you want me to?”

“Because at least then it would prove you gave a shit.” Louis yells, his chest shaking from how hard he’s panting.

“Yes because clearly me not being able to watch some other guy propose to your proves that I give zero shits about you.” Liam retorts while shaking his head. “You’re so far up your own arse sometimes, Lou. Not everyone has to yell and scream and stomp their feet to get what they want. In fact, sometimes you can’t ever get what you want. Tonight’s proved that.”

He shoulders past Louis then, not wanting to hear whatever Louis has to say next. He ignores all the eyes on him as he walks back in the ball room and heads straight to where Harry and Zayn are.

Harry stands up from where he was settled on Zayn’s lap the moment he spots Liam. “You okay?”

“I’m going to go, if that’s okay?” Liam says but tries to word it like a question so Harry won’t get upset.

“Yeah,” Harry says softly and tugs him in to a hug. “Come and see us before you leave tomorrow?”

Liam nods in to his shoulder and pinches at Harry’s side because it’s familiar and it grounds him. When Harry pulls away, he lets himself be pulled in to a hug by Zayn.

“I wanted to tell you before but Harry thought you wouldn’t come.” Zayn tells him, holding on to Liam tightly.

Liam squeezes him reassuringly. “Its fine, I’m fine. I just need to get some sleep.”

Zayn seems satisfied enough with that answer and lets him go, sitting back down and tugging Harry back in to his lap. Liam tries to find Niall, clocking him across the room with his face pressed to the neck of girl Liam is sure is Harry’s cousin. He decides to leave his friend be and instead heads across the other side of the room to retrieve his car keys from his father.

“Are you okay to drive?” His dad asks.

“I’ve only had a few glasses of champagne,” Liam lies. “I’ll be fine.”

His dad hands over the keys and squeezes his shoulder gently. “Don’t leave without saying goodbye, okay?”

“I’ll still be here in the morning.” Liam promises, pulling out from under his dad’s grip and rushing out of the venue before anyone else can catch him.

***

Liam wakes up to a headache that could put all his other hangovers to shame. There’s two bottles of his dad’s Jack Daniel’s laying abandoned next to him on the couch and just looking at them makes him feel sick. He drags himself from the couch and somehow manages to make it the few steps to the downstairs loo before he’s throwing up the entire contents of his stomach.

When he straightens up, moving over to the sink to wash out his mouth, he catches sight of his own reflection in the mirror.

“Fuck.” He mutters, rubbing his fingers across his pale face.

“Everything alright, baby?” His mum’s voice comes through the door.

Liam splashes some water on his face and dries it with a towel before turning to open the door. “Fine, thanks. What’s for breakfast?”

“Your dad wants to treat us to breakfast at the dog.” She says, reaching her hand up to feel his forehead. “That’s if you feel up to going, of course.”

“I’m fine, mum.” Liam snaps, wincing at his own voice. “I’ll just have a shower and put on some clean clothes. When does he want to leave?”

“When you’re ready.” His mother smiles as she strokes his cheek gently. “I’m proud of you. You know that, don’t you?”

Liam nods with his own small smile. “Tell me every time you see me.”

“Not just for everything you’ve achieved,” His mother dismisses. “I’m proud of that also, but mostly for the man you’ve grown in to. You’re a very sweet and polite human being, baby. I hope that never changes.”

Liam leans down to press a kiss to her cheek. “Give me twenty minutes to shower and change?”

She nods and finally moves out of his way so he can jog up the stairs to his room. Niall is laying starfish on his bed and Liam gives him a nudge before grabbing a few clothes from his bag.

“Dad wants to take us for breakfast before we leave.” Liam informs the half conscious lad.

Niall doesn’t lift his head but he gives Liam a thumbs up. “Your dad is a top man, Liam Payne.”

Liam laughs and throws one of Niall’s snapbacks at him as he passes towards his en suite bathroom. He lets the water wash away any memories of the end of last night. Once he’s shaved and dressed, he feels slightly more like himself. He drags Niall from the bed when gets back in the bedroom, throws him in the bathroom and lays outs some clothes on the bed for him to change in to. Then he heads downstairs to greet the ever growing number of people in his house.

“Liam.” Lux greets him first, jumping from her mum’s lap to run over to Liam.

Liam lifts her up over his head with a smile. “Hey there pretty girl, did I tell you about how good of a job you did yesterday?”

“Did you see me? I didn’t fall, I walked like uncle Harry taught me to and—“She continues to babble away, with Liam only able to understand half of what she’s saying. He nods when he thinks is appropriate until Lou comes over to save him, scooping Lux from his arms and whispering something in her ear to make her giggle as they head out of the room.

“How many people are exactly going to the dog for breakfast?” He asks as he sits at the island.

The chattering from the many women around the kitchen suddenly goes quiet as they all look over at him. Liam puts on a goofy smile and waves, causing a round of giggles to come from the younger girls.

“The whole town by the looks,” Harry announces, sitting down in the chair next to Liam. “You’re very happy this morning.”

Liam just smiles and nudges his shoulder against the other lad. Everyone—including the impatient hungry three years complaining on the floor—waits until Niall comes down freshly showered and dressed before they set off for the dog. Niall grins widely, happy to have some of the attention, he even scoops Ernie and Doris up under his arm as he leads the way out of the house.

Liam walks and is half dragged out of the kitchen by Harry. There’s a crowd of about thirty people trailing the streets down to the local pub and for a moment Liam’s heart fills with fondness, over a town he once forgot.

***

They sit him at the table in the very middle of the bar which means it takes him over an hour to get through his breakfast because people keep coming over to make conversation, not that he minds all that much, it’s not quite as irritating as it was the first night. Harry stays glued to his side most of the morning, only venturing as far as the bar to get them each a brew.

Harry stands up once they’ve finished their breakfast and does that embarrassing thing they do in movies where he taps his fork against his glass of orange juice. The attention of the entire bar is on him immediately, everyone going silent so he can be heard.

“I just wanted to say...” He says clearing his throat, ignoring Liam as he tries to tug him to sit back down. “That I’ve had a wonderful couple of days and that I’m very grateful to all of you for celebrating with us.” He pauses to wink at Zayn, who’s currently sat across the room, surrounded by his younger cousins. “I also wanted to give a toast, to reunited friends.”

Everyone cheers and Liam feels Harry’s eyes on him, he can’t help but smile, even if he does have the most embarrassing best friend.

“To Harry and Zayn,” Louis says, his voice coming from the corner of the pub that Liam can’t see. “And their shite taste in friends.”

Harry looks slightly deflated by the comment so Liam pulls him back down in to his chair and tries to distract the younger lad with trips down memory lane. Eventually the smile comes back to Harry’s lips and Anne comes over, tugging her son away from Liam to go and say goodbye to a few relatives who were leaving.  Liam stands from his own chair and heads over to Zayn, smiling at one of the little girls who waves from where she’s curled up to Zayn’s side.

“Do you have any fags?” He pleads.            

The face he pulls must look desperate enough that Zayn doesn’t question him. He gently moves the little girl from his side and tugs a pack of cigarettes from his pocket.

“Louis has my lighter.” He tells Liam as he hands them over.

Liam nods, giving him a thankful smile and heads over to the bar where Eleanor stands, waiting to serve anyone who wants a drink.

“What can I get for you, babe?” She asks cheerfully.

Liam fiddles with the pack of cigarettes in his hand. “Do you have a lighter?”

Eleanor frowns. “I gave it to Zayn, did he not have it?”

“No.” Liam sighs and looks around the room, he finds Louis, in the opposite corner of the room to Zayn, surrounded by his family.

“Let me guess, he has it and you don’t want to ask for it?” Eleanor guesses.

Liam shrugs childishly.

“Honestly.” Eleanor huffs and easily jumps over the bar. “You’re children, the both of you.”

She saunter across the bar to where Louis sits, leaning in to him, obviously asking for the lighter. Louis looks over his shoulder to where Liam stands at the bar and then shakes his head as he replies to her. Eleanor makes her way back over to him but Liam knows the reply before she says it.

“He says if you want it then you can ask for it.” Eleanor says while rolling her eyes.

“Fuck it.” Liam comments and throws the cigarettes down on the bar. “I don’t need one that bad.”

He goes out to the beer garden, only this time it’s not empty, it’s filled with other members of the town, some smoking and some just enjoying the warm May weather. He sits down on one of the walls that’s bathed in sun and tilts his head back to soak up the rays. It takes less than a minute for someone to sit down beside him.

“You’re a child.” Louis informs him.

Liam picks up the lighter and pack of cigarettes that Louis had dropped in to his lap and ignores him as he pulls one from the pack and lights it up. 

“So, I was a bit of a dick the other night.” Louis says in form of an apology.

Liam snorts and takes a drag from the cigarette. “Which night?”

“Both, I suppose.” Louis concedes.

Liam hums and takes another drag from the cigarette and then moves to grab an ash tray from the nearest table, smiling at the group of girls surrounding it, who swoon  a bit when he does.

“Christ, you’re a right old Justin Timberlake, aren’t you?” Louis teases as Liam sits back beside him.

Liam has to look over at him to see if it’s playful or not. There’s a smile on Louis lips and it’s not twisted like the last two have been, but it’s also been years since Liam could tell the difference in Louis’ smiles.

“You’re slightly nicer looking but only slightly.” Louis jokes.

Liam looks at him curiously as he flicks the ash in to the tray in his hand and takes another drag, longer this time.

“I’m trying to make a mends here.” Louis says while frowning. “You’re not making it easy.”

Liam snorts and moves his gaze to the people chatting happily in the beer garden. He spots Lottie in the corner with her friends, some guy Liam’s never seen before with his arm draped across her shoulder. She’s beaming as she watches him tell a story to the people around them, probably something that involved both of them. Liam knows that smile. He’s had a smile exactly like that trained on him before, only from a different member of the Tomlinson family. The one currently sat beside him, fidgeting like someone just poured a glass of ants down his trousers.

 “Look, Liam.” Louis starts, taking a dramatic breath in. “I want us to be friends.”

Liam snorts, chocking on the nicotine currently circulating his lungs. “Excuse me?”

“I want us to be friends.” Louis repeats.

Liam laughs because it has to be a joke, right? A sick joke, one of Louis’ last _‘take that Liam’_ before they never see each other again. Except the pout on Louis’ face lets Liam know that he’s being completely serious.

“You’re mental.” Liam informs him, shaking his head.

Louis straightens his shoulders, ready to argue his point. Only Liam stubs out his cigarette, hands the ash tray to him and leaves him to head back inside. Louis is at his heels instantly, grabbing at Liam’s arm to try and stop him from walking.

“No, Louis.” Liam snaps, tugging his arm from his grip. “Last night you yelled at me because I wasn’t in love with you enough and now you expect us to be friends. You’re fucking deluded.”

Zayn’s cousin, who’s stood at the bar with her two year old son, glares at him and Liam gives her an apologetic look. He walks away from her and Louis, straight towards Harry because he knows if there’s one person Louis won’t argue in front of, it’s Harry.

“Hey,” Harry says instantly frowning. “You look upset, what’s wrong?”

Liam allows Harry to fuss him for a few minutes but when he doesn’t reply, the other lad stars looking around. As if somewhere in the pub he’ll find the source of Liam’s unhappiness.

“What did you do?” Harry demands, his voice uncharacteristically sharp.

Louis makes a noise of protest. “I was trying to be nice.”

“Well it clearly didn’t bloody work, did it?” Harry points out. 

“Why are you always on his side?” Louis complains.

“There aren’t sides, Louis.” Harry says dangerously calm. “There’s you being a prick to Liam and there’s me comforting him. If it were the other way around, I’d be there for you. Don’t act like I wouldn’t.”

Louis straightens out his expression to that unreadable one Liam hates. “Fine, but don’t you dare to tell me I didn’t try.”

“Try what?” Harry questions and his eyes land on Liam. “What’s he talking about?”

Liam sighs. “He wants us to be friends.”

Harry’s eyes brighten like that’s the best idea he’d heard all year and he says as much. Liam rubs at the side of his face and does what he does best, he removes his arm from Harry’s grip and then bolts. The last thing he hears before he’s out the front door of the pub is Louis’ exasperated ‘ _every fucking time’_.

He doesn’t plan where he’s going. He just walks until his brain runs out of thoughts to process. Somehow he finds himself at the corner shop and the sign on the door has _open_ written on it in chalk.

There’s a young girl behind the till, he finds, when he finally ventures inside. She greets him with a cheerful _‘Hello’_ and then her cheeks tint slightly red when she recognises him. Liam greets her with his usual fan friendly smile and then browses around the shop, getting stuck on the rack that is filled with magazines. There’s one with his face on, it’s a candid shot of when he landed back in Heathrow on Monday and he looks miserable, even with all the fans surrounding him. The caption reads: _‘Liam Payne forced home to recoup after star breaks down on tour due to exhaustion._ ’ 

Liam knows better than to read too much in to what magazines like Heat and Star post but a part of him wonders if his publicists are using this trip home to keep his name in the press. He’d hate the thought of Harry and Zayn’s wedding being dragged through the dirt like that.

“Must we weird...” The girl behind the counter says.         

“What must be?” He asks, collecting a bottle of chocolate milk and a twix bar as he makes his way over to her.

She prices it up before he’s even reached the counter. “Being back here and seeing yourself on a magazine like that, kind of like an out of body experience I recon.”

“You do huh?” He says plainly, reaching in his back pocket for his wallet.

“Well back here you’re known as ‘ _Karen and Geoff Payne’s boy’_ and out there you’re known as _‘Liam Payne the number one singer song writer who’s shagged half of England’_.” She explains and happily takes the fiver he hands her.

“Keep the change.” He tells her, mulling over her words as he takes his things and heads out of the shop.

Zayn and Harry are walking towards him down the street opposite as Liam steps outside. Harry lets go of where he was clinging to Zayn’s hand to jog towards him, his award winning pout on his lips.

“You’ve got to stop doing that.” He whines loudly, slapping Liam’s arm. “Your mum is worried sick, she thinks you’ve been kidnapped by fans and they’re doing all sorts to you.”

Liam ignores him and opens his twix bar. “Do you think we could?”

“Could what?” Harry asks irritated.

“Be friends.” Liam expands and offers his chocolate milk out to Zayn when he gets in reach.

Zayn takes it and slips his arm around Harry’s waist. “Have you finished yelling at him yet?”

“I think so.” Harry replies, somehow answering both Liam and Zayn’s question in one. Liam is satisfied with the answer and offers the second half of the twix out to Harry as they head back towards the dog and bone.

***

That night he and Niall head back to London after Liam and promises everyone that he’d be back as soon as he got another break from tour. Harry was a little harder to convince but Liam offered to fly him out to America if Harry was missing him too much and that seemed to pacify him.

His flat is lonely, he realises, when he finally gets back inside it. After spending the last two days waking up to houses filled with people, it’s weird to wake up to nothing but the city outside his window. By the time Monday rolls around, he’s glad to have Niall knocking on his door, giddy as he is at the start of every tour.

It’s easy to lose himself in the familiarity of tour again. He gets a weekly call from Harry, which started out as a daily until Liam’s schedule just wouldn’t allow for it. He spends most nights hanging out with Niall, getting drunk some nights but not hooking up with anyone for whatever reason.

It’s not until it gets to July and Liam’s allowed a few days off before they have to fly to Las Vegas that he realises he doesn’t know what he wants to do. Normally he’d drag Niall site seeing or they’d book a hotel somewhere and just lay low and relax.

“I’m booking your flight for after the concert,” Jessica tells him as she sits opposite him in the dressing room. “Where do you want to go?”

Liam looks across the room to where Niall is playing an intense game of fifa against their drummer Josh. “Ni?”

“Whatever you want, man.” He replies, tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth in concentration. “I’m with you wherever you want to go.”

Jessica raises her eyebrows at him, scrolling through flight times on her laptop. “London or do you just want to go to Vegas early?”

“Actually, do you think that villa in Puerto Rico will be free?” He asks hopefully.

“The one you stayed at back in December? Probably,” Jessica says easily. “Do you want me to check?”

Liam nods with a small smile, already tugging his phone from his pocket. “If you wouldn’t mind,”

Jessica only smiles at him, typing a number in her phone and stepping out of the room to ring it.

“Should I worry?” Niall asks, not turning away from the game.

“Not really.” Liam tells him as he pulls up Harry’s number.

The younger lad picks up after two rings. “H—Hello?”

“Shit, did I wake you?” Liam worries.

There’s moment of rustling on the other end of the phone and clear whine that belongs to Zayn before Harry’s voice returns. “No, we weren’t exactly sleeping.”

“Oh.” Liam flushes. “Oh, should I ring back?”

“No, we’re finished anyway.” Harry replies but it’s followed by another whine from Zayn in the background proving to Liam that it’s not exactly true.

Liam chuckles and pats his own heated cheeks. “I’ll be quick and you can get back to or finish or whatever.”

Niall snorts from across the room, catching on to the conversation and Liam throws a pillow at his head.

“You never change, Payno.” Harry teases. “What was it you wanted? Our scheduled call isn’t for another two days.”

“I’ve got a few days off—“Liam begins only to be cut off.

“Are you coming home?” Harry asks excitedly.  

“Not exactly,” Liam says and before Harry can do the noise that makes Liam’s heart twist. “I was thinking you could come to me. If you want to, that is?”

“Come to America, you mean?” Harry questions. “I thought you were joking.”

“I wasn’t joking. I’ll fly you out here whenever you want.” Liam promises. “But it’s not America, I was actually thinking of a few days in this place in Puerto Rico? It’s really nice. We’ve stayed there before.” 

“I don’t know, Li. I don’t think we can afford—“

“I’m paying.” Liam says quickly before Harry can use that as an excuse.

Harry’s quiet for a really long time.

“Think of it as a wedding present I never got you or the honeymoon you never got to go on.” Liam tires and when Harry still doesn’t speak. “Please, Haz.”

There’s rustling and then a mumbled conversation that Liam can’t quite catch.

“Is Louis coming?” Harry asks.

Liam takes his own quiet moment. “Yes, if you want him to, he can come and Richard too.”

“Okay.” Harry agrees.

“Great.” Liam says gleefully. “I’ll get all the details sorted and ring you back, okay?”

“Okay.” Harry echoes. “You have to ring Louis and ask him though.”

Liam sighs exaggerated. “Fine,”

“Good boy.” Harry says mischievously. “I’m going to go back to finishing what we already finished now, alright?”

Liam hangs up the phone the moment he hears Zayn moan and physically shivers. He flicks through his phone and his thumb hovers over where Harry had put Louis’ number.

“You look conflicted,” Jessica points out, appearing back in the room. “I’ve booked the villa from tonight until Tuesday afternoon. What flights would you like me to book?”

“Two seats from Manchester airport and the ones for me and Niall, please.” Liam asks and stares at the name on his phone for a moment. “I might need two seats from LAX too.” 

“I’ll go and book the first ones and you let me know about the LAX.” Jessica tells him, disappearing back out of the room.

Niall’s up from his place on the floor the moment the door shuts behind her. “You’re inviting Louis and Richard. Do you think that’s wise?”

“He wants to be friends,” Liam says as he takes a deep breath. “This is what friends do.”

Niall bites his lip as Liam presses ring on Louis’ name.

“Hello?” Louis answers, sounding distracted.

“Louis?” Liam checks even though he’s sure it’s Louis’ voice.

There’s a loud crash on the end of the phone and Liam sits up a little straighter, worried. “Lou? Louis? Are you okay?”

“Hey,” Louis says breathless. “Sorry, I wasn’t expecting you to call.”

“Harry gave me your number, is that okay?” Liam checks.

“Of course,” Louis replies immediately. “He told me that he had, I just never expected you to actually use it.”

The line goes silent and Liam looks at Niall with pleading eyes. Niall gestures tying a rope around his neck and hanging himself, which really, isn’t helpful at all.

“We’re going to a villa in Puerto Rico for a few days and I wondered if you wanted to come?” Liam blurts.

Niall snorts and gives Liam a consoling shoulder rub.

“When were you thinking of going?” Louis asks after being quiet for a few seconds.

“Niall and I are flying out tonight after the show.” Liam informs him. “But Zayn and Harry’s flight probably won’t be until tomorrow.”

“I can probably come tomorrow but I’ll have to be back by Tuesday for work.” Louis explains.

“That’s perfect.” Liam says brightly. “Shall I book your flights for tomorrow morning then? Will Richard be able to come?”

“Richard is invited?” Louis asks, sounding baffled.

“Of course, he’s your fiancé.” Liam says trying to still sound cheerful. “I’m going to have to get to know him if we’re giving this whole friend’s thing a go.”

“I’m not,” Louis replies. “His fiancé, that is.”

Liam tries not to feel relieved. “Oh?”

“I told him I needed some time to think about it.” Louis says which leads Liam’s mind to ask a thousand questions, none of which he voices. 

Niall gives Liam a confused look but Liam just shrugs him off. “Well he’s still invited. Shall I book you two tickets?”

“No, book one.” Louis tells him. “If Rich decides to come, he’ll probably fly over in his jet. He’s not very good with flying publicly.”

“Okay.” Liam says plainly. “I’ll have my PA email you your flight and other details.”

 “ _’I’ll have my PA...’_ ” Louis mocks playfully. “Who even are you, Liam Payne.”

Liam can’t stop the small laugh rippling through his throat. “Shut up.”

“Proper Justin Timberlake like.” Louis teases. “I’ve got to go. I’ve got like a hundred meetings to go to before the days over. I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah? Get your PA to email me or whatever.”

The line goes dead before Liam can reply and Olivia is coming in the room, demanding them all to get to hair and makeup before Niall can interrogate him.

***

Niall and Liam spend the first night in the villa ordering take out and watching a Spanish soap opera with English subtitles. They end up passing out on the sofa and that’s how Harry and Zayn find them the next afternoon. Harry doesn’t bother attempting to wake Liam up but manages to when he tries to fit his ridiculously long body on the couch next to his friend.

Liam blinks open his eyes, just in time to catch Harry before he falls off the edge of the couch. “You’re a monster.”

“You’re lovely and warm.” Harry hums. “Our flight was horrible. Zayn hated it, he needs extra cuddles.”

Liam looks over to Zayn. He’s perched on the small space Niall had left on the end of the other couch. He looks a lot paler than normal, his eyes a little red around the edges.

“You alright, mate?” Liam asks.

Zayn nods mutely.

“Niall is proper good at cuddles.” Liam mentions just as Niall groans and turns over.

“Best cuddler in all of Ireland.” Niall says proudly.

Zayn doesn’t reply, he picks up a few of the abandoned take away boxes and heads towards the kitche. Liam frowns down at Harry who’s blinking up at him tiredly.

“He’s never flown before.” Harry reminds him. “There was loads of turbulence and it scared the life out of him. I’ve never seen him like that, scared me a bit too.”

Liam nudges Harry so he can climb of the couch and Harry happy obliges, curling up in the warm space Liam leaves behind. When Liam gets to the kitchen he finds Zayn trying to make all the empty takeaway boxes fit in the tiny kitchen bin.

“Mate,” Liam says softly as he comes up behind him. “I’m sorry. I completely forgot you had a phobia of flying.”

 “It’s fine.” Zayn snaps and abandons his attempt at shutting the overflowing bin.

Liam doesn’t think it is but decides its best not to argue. “I was thinking of going surfing. The waves are quite amazing here. You could come,” He suggests. “It might calm your nerves.”

Zayn nods, not agreeing verbally but he follows Liam when he leads the way out to where the surf boards and suits are kept. He hopes Harry will figure out where they’ve gone when he wakes up, as he and Zayn slip on some suits and grab a board each. Zayn’s already got a smile tugging on his lips as they head down to the sea.

There’s something about surfing that Liam finds relaxing, he’s not good enough to be pro—like Louis and Zayn—but he’s good enough that he doesn’t have to really think about what he’s doing, while he’s doing it. He can lose himself for hours out at sea, catching wave after wave until his bones are aching with it.

That’s how he and Zayn waist most of the day, they’re laughing and breathless by the time they make their way back up to the villa. They find Harry in the kitchen, an assortment of junk food and fruit spread out across the island.

“I sent Niall out for a shop,” Harry explains while shaking his head. “This was all he came back with.”

“It’s never a good idea to leave the food shop to Niall.” Liam admits and it earns a few choice swear words from Niall in the living room.

Harry’s curls a hand around Zayn’s waist and begins to feed him some grapes. “Louis’ here, he’s gone to the spare room to sleep off his flight.” 

Liam nods, his stomach doing that weird twist thing at the mention of Louis’ name. “I’m gonna go take a shower.”

Zayn and Harry barley acknowledge him, now fighting over who gets to feed who fruit. Liam clips Niall across the head as he passes through the living room.

“Don’t kick a man when he’s down, Payner.” Niall complains with his eyes glued to the flat screen TV.

There’s a football match on and Niall’s favourites are losing 4-0 with two minutes to go. Liam makes an unlucky noise and squeezes his friend’s shoulder in condolence before continuing on his path. The master bedroom has an en suite and Liam heads straight in to it without really paying attention to the room itself.

When he steps back in to the room twenty minutes later, naked bar the small towel wrapped around his waist, he realises he probably should have paid more attention to what or more importantly who was currently occupying the room.

Louis wolf whistles. “Shit, Payno. Did you grow extra abs, is that even possible?”

“Fuck,” Liam cries out in surprise somehow dropping the towel he thought he’d tied securely around his waist.

Louis—who’s occupying a good portion of the bed for someone so small—at least has the decency to put his hands over his eyes. “I didn’t see anything!”

Liam laughs at how ridiculous the situation is. “Your room is down the hall.”

“I know but this bed looks more comfortable than the one you’ve given me.” Louis explains still covering his eyes.

Liam grabs some joggers from his suitcase and slips them on. “I’m decent.”

“I don’t know, those abs are lethal things, Payno.” Louis says once he’s uncovered his eyes.

Liam blushes slightly and realises not only has Louis complimented his body twice in the span of a minute but he’s also called him by his old nickname twice.

“This place is proper nice, you’re really doing well for yourself.” Louis says and for the first time it’s not a joke or a tease, it actually sounds kind of proud.

Liam shrugs and grabs a shirt from his suitcase. “I’m not bad off I suppose.”

“You suppose.” Louis snorts. “Who are you and what have you done with my Liam?”

Liam feels his cheeks heating up again. “I’m going to order a pizza, do you want some or do you want me to leave you some or—“

“And he’s back.” Louis laughs. “Almost lost you for a second there, Li. It was almost like you’d actually grown up and become a capable human being.”

Sometimes Liam forgets why he’s supposed to dislike Louis, especially when Louis smiles at him or teases him in a playful manner. Then Louis will say something like that and the part of Liam’s heart that’s clinging to Louis’ name, is slowly being cut away by the part of Liam’s soul that truly hates the other lad.

“I’ll just leave you some.” Liam mumbles and leaves the room before Louis could spit anything else.

Harry and Zayn are curled up around a pouting Niall on the couch in the living room. Liam forgets his little spat with Louis the instant he seems them, grabbing his phone from the coffee table to snap a picture.

“Are we allowed to take pictures?” Harry asks, jumping up.

“Of course,” Liam pauses. “Why did you think you couldn’t?”

“Your PA might have said something about it when she emailed us our flight details,” Zayn explains. “Apparently six guys sharing a villa for a weekend, is not very good for your public image.”

Liam makes a mental note to have a strong word with Jessica when he sees her on Tuesday. “Fuck my public image.”

“Yeah, fuck it.” Harry cheers, proceeding to snap a ridiculous amount of pictures on his phone.

Liam pulls up instagram on his phone and uploads the picture he had taken of the three on the couch with the caption: _Niall needs cuddles after that game #holiday #relaxing #friends_

“Are you sure that was wise?” Zayn worries.

“If they wanted someone who is straight they should have hired someone who is straight.” Liam shrugs and dumps his phone back on the coffee table. “I’m going to order in pizza, what do you guys want?”

Harry and Niall shout out their orders instantly and then rush to the kitchen where Niall knows the pizza menu is so they can look for what sides they want. There’s a curve in Zayn’s eyebrow that Liam hates so he tugs his friend from the couch and drops an arm around his shoulder, giving him a reassuring smile as he leads him in to the kitchen.

***

A few hours later, all five of them are sat on the beach with a small fire crackling between them—which Louis had created and Harry had been told to stay far away from—and an ice box full of beer resting just behind them.

Niall is sharing a few stories from tour, mostly involving Liam and crazy things fans have done to get his attention. Harry is listening intently, laughing and wincing in all the right places. Zayn is mostly asleep, his head resting in Harry’s lap as his husband strokes soothing fingers through his hair.

Liam’s leaning back on his palms, half listening to Niall’s story but mostly just enjoying the company. Louis is down by the shore, still on his phone from when he answered it half an hour ago. 

“Tell them about the girl in Sweden, Li.” Niall prompts him.

Liam drags his eyes away from Louis and back to the other three boys. “The one who hid in the storage bay of the bus or the one who flashed Paul?”  

“I forgot about the bus one.” Niall laughs.

“Wait, someone hid in the storage bay, was she okay?” Harry asks which leads Niall in to telling the story.

Louis comes back just as Niall finishes the story, dropping on to the blanket he was sharing with Liam. “Richard’s not coming.”

“How come?” Zayn asks sleepily.

“He said he has to work.” Louis says exasperated.

Harry takes his hands from Zayn’s hair to reach out to squeeze Louis’ arm gently. “I’m sure he would have come if he could.”

“It’s fucking typical,” Louis spits. “He makes me take two fucking weeks off work so we can go on some exotic retreat with his friend Paul, his wife and their brood of ungrateful brats. But heaven forbid I ask him to take a weekend to spend with me and my friends.”

“He took time off for Harry and Zayn’s wedding.” Liam points out, though he’s not sure why.

Louis gives him a betrayed look. “I had to beg him for months before he finally agreed to that and we all know the reason why he actually came.”

Harry looks slightly hurt by Louis’ words and Liam decides that this Louis isn’t someone Harry should have to put up with. He stands up from the blanket and drags Louis along with him, who makes several noises of protest. Liam ignores them, dragging him down the beach and away from their friends.

“What the hell, Liam?” Louis exclaims when Liam finally let’s his arm go.

Liam glances over his shoulder to make sure he’s satisfied that they’re far enough away from the others. “You say dumb shit when you’re pissed and Harry shouldn’t have to put up with it.”

“I didn’t say anything to Harry.” Louis complains, throwing his hands up in the air. “I was calling Richard a twat, what the bloody hell has that got to do with Harry—“

Liam rolls his eyes, ignores Louis’ little rant and tugs his shirt over his head.

“Oh, what the hell are you doing?” Louis groans.  

Liam pushes down his jogging bottoms and shrugs. “I’m going swimming.”

“It’s past midnight, the water is freezing.” Louis informs him. “Are you mental?”

“Possibly,” Liam shrugs and pushes down his boxers too. “Some guy once told me that taking risks is the only way to live.”

“That guy was as insane as you’re acting right now.” Louis shouts after him as he takes off down the beach towards the sea.

Louis was right, the water is bloody freezing and Liam almost regrets his decision. Except Louis is mumbling to himself on the beach as he begins to remove his clothes and the part of Liam that’s screaming for him to get out, is overruled by the part of him that’s chuffed his plan actually worked.

“If this is some clever ruse to get me naked,” Louis says, his voice getting a few levels higher the further he gets in to the water. “It’s working but I’m not sure how fun the sex will be if our dicks are frozen.”

Liam moves further in to the water so he has to doggy paddle to keep him afloat, just to keep his limbs moving so the blood will pump through his veins and keep him warm.

“Seriously, “Louis frowns, finally reaching him. “What’s this all about?”

“It was an impulse,” Liam says as their legs catch under the water.  “You do my head in when you go on your little rants.”

“I always did.” Louis replies, his voice wavering as he shivers. “How long do you plan to stay in here?”

Liam slowly moves back towards the shore until his feet can touch the sand again. “Are you done ranting?”

“I think so.” Louis nods.

Liam leads the way out of the water, keeping his back to Louis as he tugs his boxers up his wet legs. When he turns around, he finds the other lad doing the same.

“I think you lost a few brain cells when you went and became all famous, Liam Payne.” Louis says, that teasing tone to his voice that Liam can never tell is malicious or not.

Liam shrugs, leaving his other clothes where they are and moving up the beach to lay down on one of the sun beds. Louis takes a moment, looking between where Liam lays, where the boys once were and where the villa is a bit further up. Liam closes his eyes, pretending he doesn’t care what decision Louis makes, until he feels a small body slot itself next to him on the sun bed.

“I’m cold.” Louis states as if that’s explanation enough to why he’s decided to curl up to Liam’s side, rather than head back towards the house where dry clothes and towels are. “Richard is not impulsive at all. I hate that.”

Liam opens his eyes and tilts his head slightly but he can’t see Louis’ face from the way it’s resting on his chest. “Everyone has their faults, it’s up to you if you want to learn to love them or not.”

“Why should I have to learn to love them? Why can’t he just work on them?” Louis asks as he traces the feather tattoo on Liam’s forearm with his nail, making Liam shiver slightly.

 “You can’t fix someone’s faults, Louis.” Liam says gently. “You can tell a person that they’re not impulsive and they might try to be but eventually they’ll go back to the way they were, and you’ll resent them, because who they are is not who you want to be in love with.”

Louis groans. “This is why I stopped you hanging out with Zayn that time, he rubs off on you and I don’t like it.”

Liam doesn’t reply, he closes his eyes again and focuses on the way Louis is tracing each of his tattoo, even though he’s sure the other lad can only make out the outline of them in the dark.

“The famous four.” Louis says referring to the arrow tattoo on his arm.

“Yeah, that’s what it was originally for, except Niall’s claimed the one closest to my wrist.” Liam replies. “We’ll have to be the famous five instead of four from now on.”

“At least we’ll be relatable to the books now, having the dog and all.” Louis jokes.

Liam yawns through his laugh. “I’ll tell him you said that.”

Louis makes a dismissive noise and continues on his mission to inspect each of Liam’s tattoos, he traces his index finger along the words on Liam’s left arm. “What does it say?”

“Everything I ever wanted but nothing I’ll ever need.” Liam quotes from memory.

Louis lifts his head to look up at him. “What do you need, Liam?”

“Family, friends,” Liam says trying to see Louis’ eyes through the darkness. “The people I love.”

Louis leans down and brushes his lips across Liam’s. It’s gentle, so gentle that Liam thinks he’s imagined it for moment. Until Louis puts more force in to the kiss, apparently only testing the waters at first. Liam kisses back and Louis tastes like he always did, like chewing gum and nicotine—from the drags he stole from Zayn’s cigarette—and _home_. He knows he’s stupid and he should be giving this much more thought but he can’t seem to stop himself.

***

Liam doesn’t know when he falls asleep but he wakes up soaked in sweat, the early morning sun beating down on him so hard it feels like he’s being boiled alive. Louis groans when Liam tries to sit up and it’s only then that last night comes flooding back to him.

“Fuck.” He curses, standing up from the bed so fast that Louis falls on to the sand.

“Liam.” Louis says panicked. 

Liam ignores him and makes his way back up to the beach towards the house. Harry’s in the kitchen cooking a fry up when Liam pushes open the patio door, he smiles at Liam but it instantly falls away when he notices Liam’s expression.

“What happened?” Harry asks worried. “Did you guys get in to a fight? Did you finally punch him? I told Zayn that we shouldn’t leave you two alone together.” 

Liam opens his mouth to reply but then realises he doesn’t know what to say and closes it again. Harry tries to get him to sit down on one of the stools but Louis comes rushing through the sliding doors, suddenly Liam wants to be anywhere but there. He heads out of the kitchen, ignoring both Harry and Louis’ calls for him to wait. Niall passes him on his way upstairs and Liam gives him pleading eyes, knowing he won’t have to say anything.

“I’ll make sure no one bothers you.” Niall assures him, squeezing Liam’s arm before continuing down the stairs.

Liam rushes in to the master bedroom and shuts the door closed behind him. He paces in the middle of the room, his thoughts on over drive. _What does this mean? Why the hell had he let it happened? What happens now?_

Eventually he gives up creating a hole in the floor and ventures in to the bathroom, turning on the shower and stepping under the water, trying to let last night wash away with the water.

 

 

***

Liam’s not moping, he’s not and he’ll fight anyone who says that he is. He’s not hiding away either, he just doesn’t want to be in a room that happens to contain a Louis Tomlinson.

A knock comes on the door and Liam straightens himself up from where he’s slumped against the headboard, flicking through twitter on his mobile.

“Come in.” He calls.

The door pushes open and Harry’s head appears. “You missed breakfast so I made you a snack.”

He gives Liam an uneasy look so Liam smiles at him in a way that he hopes comes across as welcoming. It must work because Harry uses his shoulder to push open the door more, carrying in a tray filled with fruit. He sets it down on the bed close to where Liam’s crossed legs are and then crawls up to the bed to be on Liam’s left.

“Thanks, Haz.” Liam says gratefully as he picks at some of the fruit.

Harry hums his acceptance, staring up at the ceiling. “We’ve only got two days left here, you know that, right?”

“I do, yeah.” Liam answers.

“Do you plan on spending them both hauled up in this room,” Harry wonders, looking over at him. “If you do, could you tell me. ‘Cause I’d much rather go home, than be at this place for the next two days, without spending time with my best friend like I was supposed to.”

Liam keeps his eyes on the food in front of him. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t do that, don’t apologise when you’ve done nothing wrong just because you think it will pacify someone.” Harry complains, reaching past Liam to grab a handful of grapes. “Just come downstairs, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Liam agrees.

Harry places a kiss to his cheek, like they did when they were kids and one of them was upset. He climbs off the bed, sauntering out of the room without another word. Liam waits a little while, polishing off most of the fruit Harry had brought in with him. Then he slips on some board shorts and heads downstairs.

There’s loud chatter echoing through the villa and Liam follows it out to where the pool is. Niall and Louis seem to be having some kind of competition in the pool, with Zayn on the other end, reading a book with his feet dipped in the water. Harry’s spread out on one of the sun loungers, a pair of ridiculous heart shaped shades resting on his face as he watches Niall and Louis in amusement.

Liam crawls on to the bed beside him, capturing the younger lads attention long enough to earn a smile before he looks back to the pair in the pool. Liam closes his eyes, tilting his head towards the sun in hopes of tanning his pale face, listening to Niall argue with Louis that he won because he held his hand stand for the longest.

“My hand stand had better form so I win,” Louis argues. “Isn’t that right, Ha—“

Liam doesn’t have to look to know that he’s the reason for Louis’ sudden mutism.

“Louis’ had better form but Niall did hold his for longer so I suppose you both win.” Harry says in a tone that screams a mother trying to solve an argument between her two kids.

“There can only be one winner.” Louis complains, easily coming back to his normal self. “You’re a terrible judge. Liam, you can be judge from now.”

Liam’s eyes shoot open, which he thinks would probably look comical if any of the others could actually see his face. He sits up, coughing away his awkwardness as he looks over at the pool. Harry removes the ridiculous shades and holds them out to him.

“I’m not wearing them.” Liam shakes his head, trying to stop Harry from putting them on him.

Harry hits Liam’s hands out of the way and pushes the shades on to his face. “You have to.  You can’t be judge if you can’t see the beautiful competitors.”

“Thank you, Harold.” Niall beams from the pool, giggling absurdly when Zayn kicks water at him and demands Niall to stop flirting with his husband.

Liam folds his arms across his chest and pouts as Harry looks positively gleeful, taking a photo of Liam with the sunglasses on. Liam’s own phone buzzes where it’s buried in his board shorts and he knows Harry has uploaded it to twitter. Not that he really cares because there are much more absurd photos of him on the internet than one that has him wearing heart sunglasses, like the one where he’s mid sneeze.

“I think you look gorgeous, darling.” Louis compliments, the way his eyes rake down Liam’s body proving that he’s not talking about the shades. Liam does not blush.

“Hey, no sucking up to the judge.” Niall complains giving Louis a friendly shove.

They tussle for a minute until Zayn whistles loudly causing them to stop but he barley looks up from his book to see if they have.  They start the competition back up again and Liam finds himself quite enjoying being judge, especially with the way Louis pouts when he tells him that Niall is the winner.

***

They spend all day out by the pool, until the sun begins to descend low in the sky. Liam’s skin feels tight and his bones ache from not moving for hours but he feels more refreshed than he has in years. They all head inside just as the last of the sun begins to disappear, each escaping to their separate bedroom to get ready for the evening.

Liam is the first one in the living room, waiting patiently on the couch to see how the other lads want to spend the evening. Louis is the second to come down, smiling shyly and fidgeting in a way that makes Liam feel slightly uncomfortable. Neither of them speak, the tension between them building to a point where Liam feels like it’s an overinflated balloon just waiting to explode.

Harry comes skipping in to the room, with Zayn slowly trailing behind him, typing away frantically on his phone. “What are we doing tonight then, boys?”

“Niall said he knew some place we could go to eat.” Louis replies, his eyes flicking in Liam’s direction.

Niall appears at the mention of his name, beaming and looking far more dressed up than the rest of them. “Is that the way you lot dress for a night out?”

“A night out?” Harry squawks. “I thought we were going down the beach for a barbecue.”  

He’s rushing back upstairs before anyone can stop him and Zayn doesn’t even look up from his phone as he turns on his foot to follow him. Louis’s eyes bounce between Liam and Niall and he must decide to go back upstairs just to leave an awkward situation because he looked fine to Liam.

Niall dumps himself on the couch, dragging Liam down next to him. “I was thinking we could go to that Italian, you know the one we stumbled upon last time but forgot to go back to?”

“Sounds nice.”Liam hums, leaning in to his friend.

Niall drapes an arm around his shoulder and tugs him in more. “You aright?”

“Yeah, just lost in my own mind a bit.” Liam explains.

Niall excepts that answer and allows Liam to stay there, both of them sitting in silence until the sound of the boys coming tumbling back down the stairs can be heard.

“Ready?” Niall asks, jumping up excitedly and clapping his hands together.

Harry nods, leading the way out. He’s now dressed in a polka dot button down, dark skinny jeans with rips in the knees and sued boots. Niall follows, along with Zayn, who’d simply thrown a red check shirt over the white t-shirt he was originally wearing. Sometimes Liam wonders how the two of them work when they’re completely opposite in most ways.

Harry stops mid way down the path leading away from the villa, waiting for Zayn to catch up and curl an arm around his waist so he can point out something in the distance. They mumble to each other for a moment and then Zayn shakes his head, says something that makes Harry nod and they continue on their way, still completely wrapped up in each other.

Liam thinks about what he and Louis spoke about last night, about excepting faults and then realises that’s how they work. They both have faults, that they obviously see in each other but they’ve excepted them and made it work anyway. Liam only wishes he could have been so lucky.

“Are you coming?” Louis asks, stood at the end of the path, the other three now quite a bit ahead.

Liam nods, quickly locking up the villa and jogging down the path to catch up with the other lad. They walk in silence but it’s not awkward and neither of them quickens their pace to catch up with the others. Liam finds himself watching Harry and Zayn, the way walk completely entwined, chatting away idly and finds himself struck with a bite of jealously.

“This is the place.” Niall announces after they’ve been walking for a good ten minutes.

Liam remembers the place now, how he’d fell a little bit in love with it when they’d visited back in December. It’s a little restaurant, tucked away at the end of the street just before you hit the square where all the shops and tourist are. There are about ten tables and you can see the entire place from where you stand outside, it’s got wicker chairs and red and white table cloths. It reminds of the places he used to eat while on holiday with his family when he was younger.

“Table for five?” A young waitress asks them with a polite smile.

“Yes please, beautiful.” Niall flirts, slipping his arm around her waist and whispering things is her ear to make her laugh as she leads them to a table.

“Does he just flirt with any woman he happens to come across?” Louis asks Liam quietly as they follow.

Liam shrugs. “Women, men, anything with a pulse.”

“Seriously?” Louis eyes widen a little.”Niall? I could have sworn—“

“Yeah, well you thought the same about me so I wouldn’t really trust your instinct.” Liam says impassive, taking the seat next to Niall when the other lad gestures him to. 

Harry and Zayn sit opposite and Louis takes the chair on the end between Niall and Zayn. The waitress hands out their menus and takes their drinks orders, disappearing to give them time to decide on their food choice.

“This is lovely.” Harry comments, looking over his menu. “Reminds me of going to Spain when we were young. Right, Lou?”

Louis hums his agreement, his unopened menu lying in front of him as he looks out at the rest of the restaurant. “Li, I think, you might have been noticed.”

All four other boys look up and follow Louis’ gaze, sure enough there is a crowd gathering outside the restaurant and it seems to be growing by the second. The restaurant employees are trying their best not to let anyone who doesn’t plan to eat, past the front of the restaurant but it’s not stopping the continuous flash of cameras and people yelling his name. The other diners are looking over at Liam, those who don’t notice him or care to much for who he is, look extremely irritated and he doesn’t blame them.

“Excuse me.” He apologises, standing up from his chair. “If I’m not back in ten minutes, order for me.”

Niall takes the instruction with a nod, watching Liam with cautious eyes as he makes his way through the restaurant to the awaiting crowd. He plasters on his best fan friendly smile and begins to work his way through the crowd, taking pictures and signing things and answering questions anyone wants to throw at him.

The crowd doesn’t get smaller, in fact if anything it only grows more and a more to a point that the restaurant owner comes out to see what all the commotion is. Liam apologises, hoping if he signs a few more things and takes a few more pictures that it will satisfy people and they’ll go about their business.

“Right, that’s enough.” Louis’ voice booms over the chatter of the crowd. “I’m afraid Liam’s food is getting cold and I’m going to have to steal him away from you all.”

There’s chorus of groans from the crowd but no one stops Louis from curling his fingers around Liam’s wrist to pull him back inside the restaurant. The owner of the restaurant looks like he wants to make a comment but Louis gives him a _‘dare you to challenge me’_ glare and the guy backs off. The crowd doesn’t depart straight away but eventually it does get smaller, just a few stragglers remaining. Liam tucks in to his pizza, making sure to eat every piece, even though it’s gone cold.

“Is it always like that?” Harry asks after everyone is silent for a good five minutes.

Liam shrugs, not looking up for his food, feeling guilty for ruining what was supposed to be a nice evening.

“We’ve usually got Paul or Paddy with us,” Niall explains. “Crowds bigger than that too, that was nothing. Right, Payner?”

“I think I should go back to the villa,” Liam says quietly, pulling his wallet from his back pocket. “You guys enjoy your night, yeah?”

Harry starts to protest but Zayn puts a hand on his shoulder and his mouth stays shut. Liam throws down a few notes and hopes it’s enough to cover the bill. No one stops him when he stands up from the table, he apologises to the owner on his way past and takes a photo with him and that staff when they request, hoping it will be enough for them not to go public with what happened.

When he makes it back to the villa in one piece, he thanks whatever higher power is looking over him. He’s already going to be in deep shit with his publicist, he doesn’t want to be in more trouble for getting kidnapped or killed.

The first thing he does is head to the kitchen to grab as many beers as he can carry from the fridge. He curls up in the apple shaped day bed that situated just to the left of the pool, the beers tucked against his side like a comfort blanket.

He doesn’t know how long he’s there for but he’s made it through two beers when footsteps echo across the patio.  He softens his breathing as best he can, in case it’s someone who isn’t one of the lads.

“For someone who’s as famous as you, you’re quite dumb.” Louis states as he comes in to view. “Did you know that?” 

Liam lets his breathing return to normal and tips what’s left of the beer in his hand, down his throat, not bothering to answer what was obviously a rhetorical question.

Louis crawls in next to him on the day bed, sitting close enough that their entire bodies touch from head to toe. “You left the front door wide open, you prick.”

“Ops.” Liam says deadpan, opening another beer.

Louis takes a beer for himself but fiddles with the lid rather than opening it. “I didn’t know it got like that, like, to a point where it doesn’t look enjoyable.”

“It’s not that bad,” Liam says honestly, ignoring Louis’ unconvinced look. “I like talking to the fans—it still amazes me that just meeting me can make someone happy—but it can get a bit out of control sometimes and I always feel guilty for the people around or the people I’m with. This is why I never go anywhere with people other than Niall.”

“Niall gets it.” Liam says finally, fiddling with the paper on the bottle in his hand. “He’s always been there, even when it’s been really bad.”

“You can’t spend your whole life just hanging out with Niall, Liam.” Louis tells him.”You both need other people as well as each other, especially you. I’ve seen you this weekend and at Harry and Zayn’s wedding, you love being surrounded by people that you love. You can’t shut everyone out because you’re scared or because you might feel guilty. It’s not fair to them or to you.”

Liam makes a disgruntled noise. “I don’t know how to do this.”

“Do what?” Louis asks confused.

“I’ve spent the past five years putting everything in to my career, I’ve worked bloody hard to get where I am and I thought I had everything I ever wanted but now,” Liam pauses to take a deep breath in and let it out slowly. “Now, I don’t know.”

“Don’t know what?” Louis asks, still looking confused.

“I don’t know if it’s all I want.” Liam cries in frustration. “Now I want Harry and Zayn and everything they have back home. I want to be able to write music and sell albums but I also want to go home and sit in the dog with a pint and one of Harry’s ridiculously long stories.”

Louis’ quiet for a moment and then he smiles. “Who says you can’t have both?”

“My jam packed schedule.” Liam says deflated.

“We’ve seen you twice in the past month, Li.” Louis reminds him. “You can do it.  You can make time, all you have to put your foot down. Your management or label or whatever, they’re bound to be flexible. You’re very valuable by the looks of things.”

Liam stares down at the ripped label on the bottle in his hands. “You really think so?”

“I know so.” Louis promises.

Liam nods and takes the warm bottle of beer back in one, leaning forward to put it on the floor with the rest of the empty bottles on the floor. Louis does the same with his unopened bottle and then they both lean back in fruit shaped bed, their legs crossed at the ankles.

“You confuse the fuck out of me,” Louis says eventually, breaking the silence that had fallen over them. “One minute you act like this really confident person, who’s really sure of himself. The next you’re back to being the Liam I knew, the one who needs constant reassurance that he was saying the right thing as to not upset anybody.”

“I’m both, I suppose.” Liam admits. “It depends on the company.”

 “So you’re saying I’m the one that brings the negative side of you out?” Louis scowls.

“No, that’s not at all what I said.” Liam tells him frustrated. “You’re just as confusing, do you realise that?”

Louis lifts his shoulders and drops them and then flutters his eyelashes dramatically. “But you love me anyway.”

“You wish.” Liam laughs, shoving him gently.

Louis shoves him back and then they scuffle for a bit with Liam somehow ending up with his body half on top of Louis, their faces only inches apart. Louis does exactly as he did the night before, leaning up to brush is lips across Liam’s gently and when Liam doesn’t pull away, he slips his fingers in to the back of Liam’s hair and deepens the kiss.

Liam feels himself get lost in the heat of the kiss, his hands slipping underneath Louis’ shirt so his fingertips can explore the skin of Louis’ stomach and Louis lets out a small moan at the contact.

“Li? Liam, where are you?” Harry’s voice bellows from inside the house.

Liam pulls back, staring down at Louis with wide eyes. “What the hell are we doing?”

“Kissing.” Louis says obviously.

“Fuck, this can’t happen.” Liam says more to himself, crawling off Louis and out of the bed all together.

Niall comes out of the kitchen and on to the patio that contains the pool, clocking Liam instantly. “Harry, he’s out here!”

He’s a little tipsy, which is made more obvious when he stumbles over his own foot, almost landing himself in the pool. Liam rushes over to him, dragging him away from the edge and to sit down on one of the sun loungers. Harry stumbles out on to the patio, with Zayn’s arm wrapped around him in a lame attempt to keep him from falling over.

“There you are!” Harry cheers. “I have something for you.”

“Oh yeah?” Liam grins, patting the space left on to the lounger he and Niall occupy.

Zayn drops Harry down on to the space and moves to sit on the one beside them. Harry’s got three separate carrier bags in his hand and he takes a good few minutes looking through each one, until he comes across what he wants.

“Here.” He says excitedly, handing a brown envelope over to Liam. “Open it!”

Liam laughs at his friend’s childish nature and takes his arm from around Niall to open up the envelope. There’s a sheet of paper inside and when he pulls out, he can’t stop the smile from spreading across his entire face. It’s a drawing of the picture of the five of them that Niall had taken earlier that day.

“Isn’t it amazing?” Harry drawls, leaning his head on Liam’s shoulder to look at the drawing. “I took him ten minutes to draw it, that’s crazy talent that is. I made Zayn give him an extra tenner cause I think it’s worth way more than what he was charging and—“

Zayn puts his hand over his husband’s mouth to cut off his ramble. “I think it’s time for bed, babe.”

Harry licks Zayn’s hand and Zayn just gives stares at him, causing Harry to fall in to a fit of giggles.

“Your tongue has been in worse places than the palm of my hand,” He says as he drags Harry from the lounger. “Did you really think that was going to work?”

“This such a thing as to much information, Malik.” Louis calls after them as he takes Harry’s abandoned seat.

“Malik-Styles.” Harry yells back before they disappear in to the house.

“How are they supposed to know who I’m talking to when they both have the same bloody last name?” Louis asks no one in particular, considering Harry and Zayn are now out of sight.

“Maybe don’t call them by their last names.” Niall suggests, leaning heavily on Liam.

Liam tucks the drawing back in to its envelope and puts it back in the bag, setting it on the empty bed beside them. He tugs Niall’s arm around his shoulder and stands them both up.

“Need any help, mate?” Louis asks.

Liam shakes his head and repositions his hand for a better grip around Niall.

“Goodnight, Louis!” Niall says loudly and right next to Liam’s ear, making him wince.

Louis chuckles, stretching out on the now empty lounger. “Night, Irish.”

“I’ve got my own nickname.” Niall tells Liam as Liam helps him inside. “I’ve officially migrated in to your friendship group, Payner.”

“I’m so glad for you, Nialler.” Liam replies amused.

It takes them a good ten minutes to make it up the stairs because Niall feels the need to stop on every step with the phantom that he’s going to be sick.  Liam thinks that he needs to send his friend back to his homeland because he never used to be this much of a lightweight.

“You’re sleeping with me tonight, mate.” Liam says assertively, leading Niall away from where he was attempting to go to the room he had been staying in. “I’m not letting you die from chocking on your sick.”

“You’re a great man, Liam Payne.” Niall hiccups, making an _‘unf’_ noise when Liam drops him on to the bed. 

Liam leaves him there to go in to the bathroom to get a glass of water. When he comes back out, it’s to find his friend snoring in the middle of the bed with his jeans half way down his legs. Liam laughs softly to himself and puts the water on the bed side table and then strips Niall of his clothes and heaves up to the top of the bed, moving the blanket from underneath him and over him instead.

Liam gets himself ready for bed and then climbs in next to Niall, allowing his friend to curl up to his side. He tries to force himself to go to sleep and not to go back downstairs to finish what Louis started.

***

The next day everyone is slightly moody, no one wanting to go home or back to a hectic lifestyle. Harry attaches himself to Liam like a leach, following him around all day long. It’s Zayn who ends up getting irritated by it.

“You do know that Lou is going back to LA, right?” He snaps, when Harry and Liam come back from their walk along the beach.  

Harry frowns, glancing at Louis, who’s sat on the edge of the pool, pretending to be a palates instructor and getting Niall—who’s in the pool—to do all the instructions he shouts out.

“I’m just saying,” Zayn continues. “Maybe you could split your time between the two people we don’t see that often, rather than the one.”

Harry looks to him and then finally to Liam, he looks conflicted and Liam hates that he’s the one that did that.

“It’s okay.” Liam assures him. “I’m not going anywhere, I promise. I’m sticking around this time, okay?”

Harry accepts his words with a nod and walks over to where Louis is sitting on the edge of the pool, he bends down to whisper in something in Louis’ ear and Louis nods, lifting himself up out of the pool.

“That’s the end of our session today, everybody.” He says loudly and Niall’s already giggling in the pool. “I hope you beautiful souls come back tomorrow, we’re doing aqua aerobics. It’s going to be bodytastic.”

Liam’s actually afraid that Niall is going to drown with how hard he is laughing. He catches Louis’ little laugh at Niall’s reaction and then he’s walking away from the pool with Harry, down to the beach that Liam and Harry just returned from.

“Is it bad that I made Harry feel guilty so I could get you all to myself?” Zayn asks as Liam settles on the sun lounger beside him.

“Maybe, a little.” Liam grins at him.

Niall swims over to the edge closest to them. “Guys, I think we should do something big tonight, go out with a bang like.”

“Yeah, like what?” Liam wonders, stretching his arms behind his head.

“Like fireworks and a bonfire on the beach?” Niall suggests. “With all the alcohol and food we can consume.”

Liam nods and looks to Zayn. “Sounds good to me.”

“Me too.” Zayn agrees. “Harry will probably want to be in charge of the food though.”

“I’m gonna go see if there’s a place around that sells fireworks.” Niall says, climbing out of the pool. “Tell Harry to ring me, I’ll pick up the food on the way back.”

 He disappears inside and Liam feels the itch in his veins that has been there since he woke up, without the distraction of Harry, he finds himself more focused on it.

“What?” Zayn asks, clearly picking up on it.

Liam pauses, taking a note from Zayn’s book to choose his words carefully. “I’ve never not wanted to go back to tour.”

“You don’t want to?” Zayn queries, turning his face towards Liam.

“I do and I don’t.” Liam sighs, conflicted. 

Zayn turns on his side so he’s completely facing Liam. “What does it feel like, singing for that many people?”

“Amazing.” Liam breathes, turning to mirror Zayn’s position. “It’s really hard to put in to words but Niall said the best way is to explain is like riding a rollercoaster. Waiting to go on stage is the part where you go up, your stomach is twisting with anticipation, not sure if you’re going to like what’s about to happen. Getting on stage is that part at the very top, where you feel a little bit sick and slightly regretful with nerves. Then the entire concert is all the fun bits and it feels exactly the same coming off stage as it does coming off a rollercoaster, your entire body is itching to do it again.”

Zayn’s grinning when Liam finishes his explanation. “Do you want to go back on tour now?”

“Yeah, yeah I do,” Liam laughs. “How the hell do you do that?”

Zayn shrugs modestly.  Liam turns on his back, looking down at the beach, he spots Louis and Harry sat together just a little bit up from the shore.

“Louis kissed me.” He blurts. “Twice.”

Zayn chocks on thin air it seems. “What?”

“The night we spent at the beach and then again last night.” Liam tells him.

“Fuck.”

“Yeah.”

“Seriously?” Zayn asks.

Liam narrows him with a look. “No, I just thought it’d be a good joke.” 

“That’s, I mean, it’s,” Zayn stumbles. “Fuck,”

“My sentiments exactly.” Liam agrees, pushing his fingers through the front of his hair and tugging on the ends. “It’s a mistake, right? Like, we definitely should not go down that road.”

“A big mistake.” Zayn tells him. “He’s practically engaged, Li. You can’t go there. You definitely can’t go there.”

“I thought as much.” Liam admits, he breathes out heavily. “My life is a fucking joke.”

“It’s not, babe.” Zayn soothes, reaching between their loungers to squeeze at Liam’s arm reassuringly. “We’ll find a you a nice, lad. One you can settle down and have a couple of ridiculously polite kids with.”

Liam snorts. “Could you imagine mine and Lou’s kids, they’d probably end up having personality disorders.”

“They’d be like puppies and cats combined in to one.” Zayn adds. “They’d be little terrors.”

“I suppose it’s for the best that they never exist then.” Liam says lightly. “It’d be better for the universe and all that.”

Zayn gives his arm another gentle squeeze. “Just promise you won’t go back there. I don’t think I could watch you go through that again and we definitely can’t make it through losing you for a second time.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” Liam assures him, smiling gently. “Nothing is going to happen between me and Lou, he’s probably just scared because of all the engagement stuff and he’s using me as a buffer.”

Zayn makes a disappointed face. “Just stay away from him if you can, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Liam agrees, resting his head back against the lounger and closing his eyes.  

***

That night Harry makes a meze and they sit at the dining table to eat. They follow down their food with several glasses of wine and are all a little bit tipsy by the time they venture on to the beach for Niall’s firework display. Liam’s a little bit concerned that Louis has been allowed to help Niall set off the fireworks, considering he seems to be the worst off out of them all.

“It’s chilly tonight.” Harry comments, his arms wrapped tightly around Zayn who’s sat between his legs. The three of them are sat on the steps leading up the villa as Niall and Louis are crouched down a little further down the beach, several fireworks surrounding them.

“Do you want me to get you a jumper?” Zayn questions, tilting his head back to look at his husband.

Harry shakes his head, brushing his nose against Zayn’s.

“You disgust me.” Liam groans.

“Jealous.” Harry tells him with a grin.

Liam nods, looking back to Louis and Niall. “Extremely.”

Harry makes a noise and is about to say something when Niall and Louis suddenly come sprinting towards them. Niall drops down on to the sand at the bottom of the steps, his bright eyes on the box of fireworks. Louis sits down on the same step as Zayn, which means Liam has to spread his legs to make room for him and their positions end up mirroring that of Harry and Zayn’s.

“Three, two—“Niall counts down. “Boom!”

An assortment of colours fills the sky, followed by fizzing and popping. Liam sniggers when he hears Harry’s dramatic _‘oh’s’_ and _‘ah’s’_ but instantly stops the moment he feels Louis press back in to him. He sits in silence, trying to ignore the warm body pressing up against him, hating that he wants Niall’s fireworks to end quickly so he can make an excuse about getting another drink and move away.

It eventually does end after what feels like an excruciating amount of time. They all clap and Niall stands up to take a bow and Liam’s glad when he tugs Louis up to bow along too. When he’s sure he’s not being rude, he stands up and jogs up the steps towards the villa, hoping that the other lads will assume that he’s just gone to get another bottle of wine.

He takes his time, peering at different wine bottles and forcing himself to calm down before he finally returns to the beach. When he does, he only finds Niall and Harry on the steps, in deep conversation about the fireworks. He sits down next to them, picking up each empty glass to fill up with wine.

Eventually Zayn and Louis return from wherever they’d disappeared to. Louis looks slightly pissed but Zayn’s grinning, his arm around his friend’s shoulder.

“Shall we light the bonfire?” He suggests.

Liam helps him collect the logs from where they’d placed them on the side of the beach earlier and they arrange them in to a pile. Harry and Niall head back up to the villa to get blankets. Louis sits on the steps, one of Zayn’s cigarettes in one hand and his phone in the other.

“What did you say to him?” Liam hisses at Zayn.

Zayn doesn’t look at him, using is lighter to light the logs. “I didn’t mention what you told me, don’t worry. I just said that if he wants to try the whole friend thing that he might want to try a different tactic.”

Liam doesn’t know whether to thank Zayn or throttle him so he decides to stay quiet. When Niall and Harry return with the blankets, he takes the smaller one, laying it next to Niall’s so Louis doesn’t even get a chance to sit next to him.

“Can I make a toast?” Harry asks once they’re all settled.

Zayn groans, a teasing smile placed on his lips when Harry reaches back to slap his thigh. Liam raises his glass in the air, smiling at Harry reassuringly.

Harry grins back and holds up his own glass, the other three following suit. “To friends, both old and new.”

“To friends.” They all chorus and take sips from their drinks.  

“Also,” Harry continues, hitting Zayn harder when he groans again. “To Liam, for paying for this lovely weekend and bringing us all together.”

Liam fiddles in the glass in his hand as they all toast to him. Harry goes quiet then, leaning back in to Zayn’s lap. It’s Niall who kicks off the stories, reciting his night with the girl from Harry and Zayn’s bachelor party. Liam zones out slightly, used to Niall’s escapades. He stretches himself out on his blanket, resting his hands behind his head and looking up at the stars.

He must doze off because he wakes up to someone shaking him and calling his name softly. He blinks opens his eyes to find Louis looming over him, tired smile on his lips.

“Everyone’s going to bed, Payno.” He says mid way through a yawn. “We should have stayed away from the wine, it’s the sleep alcohol.”

Liam hums his agreement and drags himself to a sitting position. The fire has died out and Harry’s folding the blanket on the opposite side, a sleepy Zayn swaying as he stands behind him. Liam stands up and picks up his own blanket, catching a glimpse of the back of Niall as he disappears up the steps.

Louis has his own blanket tucked under his arm and he’s waiting at the bottom of the steps for the three of them. It’s Zayn who reaches him first, curling under Louis’ arm and letting him lead the way up to the villa. Liam does the same with Harry, dropping a heavy arm around the other lad’s shoulders as they follow the others up.

“I hate wine.” Harry whines, face half buried in Liam’s shoulder. It’s difficult to walk but they somehow make it work.

“It tastes so good but the after effects are so bad.” Liam agrees, squeezing his friends shoulder gently.

Harry mumbles in agreement, footsteps getting more sloppy the closer they get to the house. Liam drops his blanket on the couch once they get inside and tugs Harry’s from his arms to do the same. He takes his hand from around Harry and steps in front of him, not having to say anything for the other lad to get the hint.

It takes them a good while to manage the stairs, mostly because Liam’s had just about as much as wine as Harry and he’s still half asleep from when he was dozing moments ago. They make it up there eventually and Liam continues down the hallway to the room Harry and Zayn had been sleeping in, having Harry kick the door open for him.

“I have one husband for you, Mr Styles-Malik.” Liam announces once they’re fully inside the room.

Zayn—who’s already shirtless and in bed—reaches his hands out and opens and closes them like a toddler trying to get a toy they want. Liam turns his back to the bed and leans backwards, both him and Harry going tumbling on to it.

“You’re squishing me goodies.” Harry giggles through a pained breath.

“Sorry,” Liam drags himself back up to a standing position. “Night both.”

He salutes and marches out of the room and knows it’s ridiculous but it earns a laugh from both of them so he counts it as a win. He sleepily drags himself down the corridor to his own room, nudging open the door with his foot and rubbing at his eyes as he walks inside.

Louis is sitting on the bed, looking at him expectantly. “Can I sleep in here?”

“Sure, I’ll go down to your room.” Liam says, turning on his foot to head back out of the room.

“No, wait, Li.” Louis calls out to him.

Liam turns back to him, blinking his tired eyes. “What?”

“Could you sleep in here too? “ Louis pleads with his voice so quiet that Liam knows he couldn’t say no even if he tried.

“Okay.” Liam agrees, tugging his shirt over his head as he makes his way over to the bed.

Louis smiles small and satisfied, crawling up to the right side of the bed and under the covers. He somehow manages to remove all his clothes in the space of the time it takes Liam to unbutton his jeans. It reminds Liam of that scene in friends when Monica and Chandler have sex for the first time and he sniggers a little.

“What?” Louis asks, now cuddled under the covers.

Liam pushes his jeans down his legs and kicks them off. “It’s been a weird couple of days.”

“You haven’t enjoyed them?” Louis asks, sounding worried.

“I have,” Liam says, climbing in to the other side of the bed. “Just been weird is all.”

Louis leans over to the switch above the side table and flicks it off, coating the room in darkness. Liam turns on his side, with the full intension of going to sleep.

“Li?” Louis whispers.

“Hmm?” Liam hums.

Louis inches closer so they’re almost touching and Liam can feel his breath on his face. “Can I have a cuddle?”

“Hmm.” Liam agrees, lifting his arm, somehow unable to ever say _‘no’_ to Louis.

“Thanks.” Louis says softly, curling in the small space between Liam’s arms.

Liam tugs him a little closer, letting his eyes slipped closed. Louis is quiet for a moment, his breath coming out in short little puffs against Liam’s chest, not quite settled.

“Li?” He asks eventually.

“What, Lou?” Liam replies tiredly.

Louis pauses for a moment, his fingertips ghosting across Liam’s ribs. “I’m sorry,”

If Liam was more awake he’d ask what for but the tiredness gets the better of him and he just hums again and tugs Louis as close as he could possibly get him before letting sleep take over.

***

Liam wakes up to an empty the bed the next morning and just assumes that either because Louis has become an early riser or he doesn’t want to be caught sleeping in Liam’s room. When he gets downstairs there’s no sign of Louis and Niall—who is sat at the island in the kitchen eating a bowl of cereal—hasn’t seen him either.

“And the other two?” Liam asks as he fills up the kettle.

Niall nods, wiping away a bit of cereal that lands on his chin. “They went for one last walk on the beach.”

“How romantic.” Liam yawns, grabbing five cups from the cupboard. “Our flight is at noon, right?”  

“Yeah,” Niall replies, fighting his own yawn. “Harry and Zayn’s is in an hour. Lou’s isn’t until two but Jess said he’s fine with that.”

Liam nods, settling on making tea rather than worrying where Louis is. Zayn and Harry come back just as he’s pouring in the milk and he hands them each a cup.

“I’ll go get Lou up, it’d be nice if we at least eat breakfast together before you have to leave.” Liam says, setting his tea on the island, about to head out of the kitchen.

“Louis isn’t in his room.” Zayn calls, waiting for Liam to turn to him before he continues. “I went to get him this morning. I was thinking of going for an early morning surf, been as we hadn’t really gone while we’d been here. I was going to ask you too but you looked so peaceful and I thought, we went together on Saturday, you know.”

“He wasn’t in his room?” Liam asks, trying to keep his voice steady.

 “No and it was early too, before dawn even.” Zayn tells him.

Liam’s nails dig in to his palms as his hands curl in to fists, he looks to Niall. “You sure you haven’t seen him?” 

“Sorry, mate.” Niall says regretfully while shaking his head.

”I’m sure he’s around here somewhere,” Harry says trying to be reassuring. “He’s probably gone for a walk in to town to get breakfast and he’ll be back any minute.”

“Don’t be bloody naive, Haz.” Liam scolds, dropping in to one of the bar stools.

The situation is to familiar, it makes Liam’s entire body ache with a nonexistent pain that he’d spent years living with the first time this happened. He digs his nails through his joggers to skin of his thighs and feels a manic laugh build in his chest and eventually ripple out of his throat.

“At least he said sorry this time.” Liam mumbles.

“Liam,” Harry says worried.

“Friends.” Liam half laughs and half sobs. “I actually thought I could be friends with him. How fucking ridiculous is that?”

“You can.” Harry proclaims. “Louis’ just being a bit of an idiot at the moment but you can do it. You’ve manage to the past four days.”

Liam looks to Zayn, who shakes his head with a stern look letting Liam know not to tell Harry about the kisses. Liam stands back up from the stool and uncurls his hand.

“No, no we can’t be friends.” Liam disagrees. “And I’m not going to let him get to me like he did the last time. If he wants me to not be the spineless seventeen year old, then I won’t. Fuck, Louis.  Fuck him and his stupid mind games. Richard can have him because I’m so fucking done.”

He walks out of the room, ignoring Harry’s pleas for him to stay. He goes upstairs to the master bedroom and starts packing his suitcase, which mostly involves him picking up the clothes from around the room throwing them at the suitcase.

“I know you’re upset.” Niall starts, stepping in to the room. “But it’s not right to take it out on Harry. He’s just scared of losing you again.”

“Well maybe he should believe me when I say I’m not going anywhere.” Liam snaps, moving in the bathroom to get his shaver.

Niall waits for him to come back in to the bedroom. “You know the angry packing makes that statement much harder to believe.”

“Well I’m sorry I don’t want to stay in places where Louis has abandoned me.” Liam growls, almost breaking the shaver with how hard he throws it in to the case.

“So, you’re just going to let this place become another place you don’t ever come back to?” Niall asks, stepping towards him. “That’s a really stupid way to live, Liam. This place isn’t even anything to do with Louis, this is our place that we happened to let him become and be a part of. Now, he might be a prat and I’m not disagreeing that what he’s done isn’t completely stupid, but if you think for a moment that I’m going to let you forget about him, or Harry or Zayn, then you’re a lot more of an idiot than I’ve ever given you credit for.”

Liam takes a deep breath and he doesn’t realise he’s shaking until Niall puts a hand on each of his arms. “Why did he leave?”

“Only Louis can answer that question, mate.” Niall replies, stroking his arms gently until he stops shaking. “Now, come and have breakfast with us, yeah? Maybe apologise to Harry for scaring the crap out of him.”

Liam takes another painfully deep breath in and lets it out slowly, nodding. Niall takes his hands from Liam’s arms, circling his fingers around one of Liam’s wrists, leading the way back downstairs. They find Harry and Zayn in the living room, curled up together on the couch, heads bowed together, talking quietly.

Harry stands up the moment he spots Liam. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Liam answers, avoiding Harry’s eyes.

Niall puts a gentle hand on Liam’s back and urges him forward, dropping on the couch next to Zayn when Harry drags Liam in to a hug.

“I love you.” Harry whispers to him, holding on tight. “Even if you scare the crap out of me.”

Liam fists a hand in the back of Harry’s t-shirt. “I’m sorry, I’m really sorry I—“

“Shut up, you idiot and tell me you love me too.” Harry demands quietly.

“I love you too.” Liam complies.

Zayn pats his thighs from behind them and then stands up from the couch. “We should get going if we want to get to the airport on time.”

“You don’t have time for breakfast?” Liam asks, finally pulling away from Harry but not loosening his grip on the back of the other lad’s t-shirt.

“It’s almost ten and our flight is at quarter to eleven.” Zayn says apologetic.

“We could grab something on the way.” Niall offers, standing up also. “Let me and Li just finish packing, it’ll take is two minutes. We’re pro’s by this point.”

He grabs Liam’s arm and drags him back upstairs before anyone has a chance to reply. Liam throws what’s left in his suitcase once he’s inside his room and changes in to the jeans and t-shirt he wore on the flight over. Niall appears in the doorway to his room in record time, his hand tight around the suitcase that he drags behind him.

“Ready?”

Liam nods, picks up his own suitcase and does not bother to look back at the room as he leaves it. He follows Niall down the stairs to the living room where Zayn and Harry wait, their own suitcase tucked neatly by the front door.

“Fuck that was fast.” Zayn comments as Niall leads the way out of the house, to where the car rental waits on the drive.

Liam hands his suitcase to Niall, along with the keys to the villa and climbs in the back seat of the car. It doesn’t take long for Harry to join him, curling up to Liam’s side as close as he can get, like he needs his last little fix. Eventually Zayn and Niall join them and they set off for the airport, stopping at a McDonalds drive through to pick up breakfast on the way.

Everyone is quiet once they arrive, except for Niall who chats happily to the guy who takes the rental from them. Harry tucks himself under Liam’s arm and doesn’t move until Zayn looks panicked that they’re going to miss their flight.

“You’ll ring me on Sunday?” Liam asks as Harry pulls him in to a hug.

 “Every Sunday for the rest of my life.” Harry answers firmly, his grip around Liam almost painful. They hold on to each other for long as they can until Zayn makes an impatient noise from behind them. “If I ring you tonight, do you think you can answer?”

“I’ll make sure to.” Liam promises, finally removing himself from the hug. Only to be pulled in to one almost as tight, this time from Zayn.

“Thank you.” Zayn starts, his hand gentle on the back of Liam’s neck. “For keeping your promise. I thought I was going to have to deal with an eight hour flight filled with Harry sobbing.”

Liam almost snorts until he realises Zayn’s completely serious. “You might want to thank Niall too, he might have yelled at me a bit, brought me back to my senses.”

“I’ll make sure to.” Zayn agrees, pulling back from the hug but not taking his hand from the back of Liam’s neck. “You gonna be okay?”

“I think so,” Liam answers honestly. “I’ll just distract myself, great thing about tour, there’s never a moment to sit down and really think about things.”

Zayn squeezes his neck gently. “If you need to talk, you know where I am.”

“Yeah,” Liam says.

They detach then and Zayn heads straight over to Niall, whispering something to him that makes the other lad grin wide before pulling Zayn in to a hug. Harry presses close to Liam’s side as he waits for them to be done, his and Zayn’s passports and boarding passes in his hand.

“We’ll definitely do this again some time.” Niall promises, once he and Zayn come back over to Liam and Harry.

Liam puts an arm around his friends shoulder. “Maybe Australia next time, the waves are really good there.”

Zayn and Harry agree with small nods. The last check in for their flight is announced over the tannoy and Harry barley gets to wave goodbye before Zayn’s dragging him off in the direction of the check in desks.

Niall slips around Liam’s waist, looking up at him with a small smile. “Let’s get you back on tour pop star.”

***

It’s mid way through August when Liam arrives in LA for the first of his four shows there. The first few hours he completely forgets that it’s city that Louis lives in, he’s too busy with interviews and photoshoots. In fact he’s managed to spend the past six weeks losing himself in to his hectic schedule and not thinking of Louis at all.

It’s not until he arrives at the venue later that afternoon and during his sound check, one of the few fans that had paid to watch, asks him a question.  She’s a young girl, doesn’t look much older than fourteen but she’s not shy in the slightest, the moment she’s handed the microphone she’s greeting him with a kind of confidence that he wished he’d had at that age.

“Do you have a question for me, love?” He asks politely, trying to get the bracelet that the previous fan—a six year old that had made the entire crowd awe when she had asked if she could kiss his cheek—had given him, over his hand on to his wrist as he sits on the edge of the stage.  

“I wanted to know who if you had a fun time in Puerto Rico with Niall and your friends?” She asks, though Liam is sure that her question doesn’t end there.

He glances over his shoulder to Niall, who’s tuning his guitar while wandering back and forth behind him. “Yeah, we had an amazing time. Didn’t we, Ni?”

“Yeah, it was cracking.” Niall answers, giving Liam a reassuring smile. “Proper relaxing like.”

Liam turns back towards the fans and smiles at the girl who had asked the question. “Was that it?”

“Uhm, no.” She replies, her voice sounding scarily like an interviewer that’s about to ask a controversial question. “I also wanted to know if it was true if you were dating the one in all the fan pictures. Louis, I think his name is?”

Liam accidently snaps the bracelet he was pushing up his hand. “No, I’m not.”

“That’s it for questions, thank you guys.” Paul announces, coming over to take the bracelet off Liam.

Liam pulls himself to his feet and turns his back to the fans, pretending to fix the height of his mic stand but really just trying to redeem himself. Niall comes over to him, still fussing with his guitar so to the fans it’ll look like they’re talking about the next song.

“You alright? Do you need a minute?” He asks quietly.

Liam shakes his head and steadies his breathing by counting to three in his head. “I’m fine.”

Niall looks unconvinced but decides not to push him, moving back to his side of the stage. Liam shoves his microphone in the stand and gives the nod to start the chords to the next song.

He barley interacts with the fans for the rest of the sound check, leaving the stage after with a short almost clipped goodbye. Niall follows him in to the dressing room and Liam ignores him, grabbing a plate from the end of the catering table to fill up with food. Niall doesn’t speak, clearly catching on the fact that Liam doesn’t want to but he does follow Liam around like a lost puppy.

“Jesus, fuck, Niall.” Liam finally snaps. “Just let me breath. Christ.”

Niall lets out a relieved breath. “Finally. Are you done moping? Can we go and play football outside with the other lads now?” 

Liam wants to argue that he wasn’t moping but Niall is giving him a look that tells him that any argument won’t be believed. Instead he nods his head, abandoning what’s left on his plate to follow Niall outside.

***

Liam’s exhausted after the show that night, he’d put his all in to it, doing anything and everything to distract himself from his thoughts. Niall is grinning at him when they come off stage, along with the other members of the band who clap his back and punch his shoulders, sweat dripping off them as they yell at him what an amazing show that was.

“You were on one tonight.” Niall says ecstatic. “Think you can keep that up for the next thirty shows?”

“If I don’t collapse first.” Liam laughs, taking the towel and water bottle that Jessica hands him with a thankful smile.

“Your friends are waiting for you in your dressing room.” She says with her own elated grin that could give Niall a run for his money.

“Friends?” He questions, draping the towel around his sweaty neck and taking a sip from the water bottle.

“Yeah, the cheeky one with the nice eyes.” She clicks her fingers, trying to find the name and then she points to him when she finally thinks of it. “Louis.”

Liam stares at her. “Louis’ here?”

“Yeah, he rang me earlier and said you told him to ask me for tickets and backstage passes.” She explains, her eyebrows slowly drawing together as her teeth dig in to her lower lip nervously.

“Yeah I did.” Liam nods, plastering on a smile. “The show was so good I completely forgot.”

Jessica looks curious but she doesn’t question him on it. “Right, okay, well I sent him to the dressing room.”

“Alright, thank you.” Liam says politely. “You can take the night off, okay? I don’t plan to do anything but go back to the hotel and sleep.”

“If you’re sure?” She checks.

“Yes, go out and have some fun.” He demands friendly. “Take Olivia with you, she’s been nagging my ear off all day about going to downtown LA.”

Jessica smiles thankfully, not having to be told twice as she disappears further backstage, probably to search for Olivia and the rest of the girls. Liam watches her go, split between what to do next.

Niall makes the decision for him, placing a gentle hand on his back and nudging him forward. “Come on, you’re going to have to face him at some point.”

Liam lets himself be guided down the corridor towards the dressing room. It’s surprisingly empty when they get inside, a few of the crew stood at the catering table, finishing what’s left of the food. Liam clocks Louis instantly, he’s sat on the arm of the leather couch, blocking off the person he’s chatting to who’s sat on the couch.

“Great show tonight, Li!” Marcus—his vocal couch—shouts from his place at the end of the catering table, his drink held out in Liam’s direction like a toast.

Liam offers him a grateful nod, dragging his eyes back to where Louis is, only to find the other lad now staring straight at him. Niall gives him another nudge forward until they’re stood only inches from where Louis is sat.

“Hi.” Louis says, almost shyly.

“Hi.”

“The show was really good.” Louis says and then corrects himself.  “You were really good.”

Richard’s face appears before Liam can thank Louis, there’s a condescending smile on his lips. “You were good but it’s not like it’s hard to prance around the stage and sing for two hours.” 

“Richard.” Louis scolds.

Richard looks unfazed. “If you ask me I’d say this is more of a hobby, it’s not like it’s an actual job.”

“But no one did ask you, did they.” Niall mumbles from behind Liam and Liam has to cover his snort with a cough.

“What was that?” Richard asks, his eyes finding Niall.

“I said I’d love to give you a tour of backstage, if you would like?” Niall suggests. “I could introduce you to lots of people who earn a living off of Liam’s hobby.”

There’s so much sarcasm dripping from Niall’s words that Liam has to bite back a smile. Richard looks conflicted, like he’s not quite sure how to take what Niall had said.

 “Alright.” He agrees eventually, standing up and looking down at Louis. “Are you coming?”

Louis shakes his head. “I’m going to stay and talk to Liam, if that’s alright?”

“Okay.” Richard says easily, leaning in to brush his lips across Louis’.

Liam’s stomach twists and he has to look away, he doesn’t look back until Niall and Richard have passed him to head out of the room. Louis is frowning at him, twisting his fingers together on his lap. That’s what has Liam spotting it, the silver engagement band wrapped around Louis’ left ring finger.

“You said yes then?” He asks.

Louis looks down at his hand and then covers it subconsciously. “Not exactly, I’m still thinking about it. He told me to wear the ring anyway, like a test drive.”

He sounds disgusted by the words but Liam could care less, he meant what he told Harry, he’s done being heartbroken over Louis. Richard is welcome to him.

“What are you doing here, Louis?” He asks, wishing his words would have come out harsh and not in the deflated way they do.

“I’m sorry for leaving the way I did.” Louis says sincerely, trying to catch Liam’s eyes. “I just thought it would be easier for the both of us. Things were getting complicated, Liam.”

“And you thought leaving without telling anybody was better than talking to me about it?” Liam snaps, letting the anger flood out of him. He continues before Louis can give him an answer. “You didn’t even leave a note, Louis. You didn’t tell one of the other lads. You just left, in the middle of the night. You just left.”

Louis opens his mouth to say something but Liam shakes his head, not finished.

“You know the first time you left almost killed me.” Liam says, trying and failing to keep his emotions in check. “I spent months trying to find you and then years trying to get over you. When I finally felt like I had, you fucking come back.”

“Liam.” Louis tries.

“No.” Liam yells. The few people left in the room, look over at them. “No, I don’t want to be friends. No, I don’t want an invite to your wedding and no I’m not a hypocrite because I actually had a valid reason to leave.”

He walks away, his heart pounding so hard he can hear it in his ears. Louis is yelling after him but that only makes him pick up his pace until he’s sprinting down the corridor away from the dressing room. Paul catches him before he leaves the arena all together, not saying anything but keeping a tight grip around Liam’s arm as he organises a car to take them back to the hotel.

If there’s one thing Liam is grateful for about his team, is that they know when to be intrusive and when to just leave him be. Paul lets him mull in the back of the car on the way from the venue to the hotel. When they get inside, he hands Liam his room key and gives him a gentle smile that reminds Liam of his father and makes him miss home.

Liam falls asleep the moment he lies down on the bed in his hotel room, the exhaustion of that night’s show and his conversation with Louis, draining him of any energy he had left.

***

Jessica wakes him up the next morning by calling his room, she sounds apologetic and Liam knows instantly that his altercation with Louis has travelled around the crew. He’s got a morning full of interviews, she tells him. Liam grunts his reply and hangs up, drags himself in to the bathroom, hoping today won’t be as awful as it feels.

It ends up being worse. He snaps at one pushy interview, who won’t take him being single as a final answer. He messes up so many times on a pre-recorded performance that they end up having to cancel his entire appearance on that show. At one point, he’s left in a dressing room on his own and gets so afraid of being alone with his own thoughts that he ends up screaming at Jessica when she reappears. 

“Alright,” She says defeated. “That’s it. You’re going back to the hotel.”

“What?”

“You’re going to ruin everything you’ve built over the past four years in one day, if I let you carry on.” She explains, sitting down on the coffee table in front of him. “Paul is going to take you back to the hotel. I’m going to reschedule all of your interviews for tomorrow, as long as you promise me that you’ll pull yourself together.”

Liam rubs at the back of his neck, suddenly feeling guilty. “Jess I—“

“It’s fine, Liam.” She cuts him off with a soft smile. “We’re all allowed to have bad days, we’re all human. Just sort yourself out, yeah? No one likes seeing you like this.”

Liam nods and Jess leans forward to squeeze his knee gently. She then disappears out of the room, pressing her phone to her ear as she goes. Liam’s not left alone for long as Paul comes in with a few other members of security, giving Liam a nod of his head to say _‘let’s get going’_. Liam feels exhausted all of a sudden as he gets up from the couch, slowly following Paul down the corridor and out of the building. It was a radio station, which means a few fans are waiting outside and Liam stops to sign a few things but the instant someone tugs on his shirt sleeve, he gets irritated and rushes towards the car.

Paul lets him be alone in the back of the car, as he had the night before. Only when they arrive at the hotel this time, he doesn’t leave Liam in the lobby, instead he leads Liam through the hotel and out the back to where the pool is. It’s Harry who Liam sees first, sat on the end of the sun lounger Niall occupies, looking about as worn out as Liam feels.

“Harry.” He breathes, heading straight for him.

Harry stands up just in time to catch Liam in a hug. “Hey, it’s alright. You’re alright.”

Liam clings to him and Harry fidgets slightly until he can comfortably get both of his arms around Liam and turn to look at Niall at the same time. They have a silent conversation that it ends with Niall saying _‘Alright’_ out loud.

“We’re going to go up to your room and take a nap.” Harry says gently, as if Liam’s a small child that needs reassurance of everything they do before they do it. 

Liam buries his face in Harry’s neck and lets the younger lad lead him back inside. They get a few looks as they walk through the hotel but Liam could care less. Once they’re inside his hotel room, he lets Harry manhandle him on to the bed and in to a cuddle. Harry hums _‘Hotel California’_ under his breath, singing a few words that he knows and Liam feels himself drift off.

***

Liam wakes up to the low hum of the TV and the chest beneath his head vibrating with a laugh. He shifts, trying to see what Harry’s watching that is so funny, only his movement catches the other boy’s attention.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” Harry asks gently, flicking the TV off.

“More tired than before I went to sleep.” Liam complains, sitting up to run his fingers through his hair. “What are you doing here anyway? Not that I’m not happy you’re here. I just want to know how you got here and where Zayn is.”

“I got here on an aeroplane and Zayn is at home.” Harry explains, moving himself to a more comfortable position, up against the headboard.

“You flew here on your own?” Liam says shocked.

“Yes, I’m perfectly capable of going places alone.” Harry expresses followed by a mumbled. “Even if Zayn has rang me six times since I arrived.”

Liam moves himself to lean against the headboard also. “Why are you here though, Haz?”

“I can’t just be here because I missed you?” Harry pouts.

“You took an eleven hour plane ride, on your own, without Zayn, all because you missed me.” Liam says unbelieving and gives Harry a look that says exactly the same.

Harry concedes with a long breath. “It was worth a try.”

“So?”

“Louis called me and told me what happened.” Harry explains, looking over at Liam who keeps his gaze straight ahead. “I didn’t want you to be on your own. I remember how you were last time, Li. I didn’t want you to block me out again.”

Liam rests his head back against the head board and closes his eyes, they feel wet and he wills himself not to cry.

“Li?”

“It fucking hurts.” Liam says with a shaky breath. “Why does it hurt? Why does it feel as bad as it did last time?”

“Because you love him.” Harry says like it’s obvious.

“No.” Liam snaps, his eyes blinking open. “No, I spent five years getting over him. He can’t just—he can’t turn up and break me all over again. It’s not fair.”

“Hey, hey. Shh.” Harry soothes, tugging Liam in to his side.

Liam’s shaking again, his breath coming out in painful pants. “It’s not fair, Harry. I don’t want to be in love with him.”

“I know.” Harry says softly, rocking them gently.

It takes a good ten minutes for him to calm down. Even once he’s gone quiet Harry continues to hug him close and whisper soothing nonsense. Liam stays silent, letting himself be comforted.

There’s a knock on the door to the room and then Niall’s voice is calling out for both of them. Harry lets him know they’re in the bedroom and Liam pulls himself from where he’s curled in to Harry side.

“Hey.” Niall greets, coming in to the room. “We need to leave for the arena in twenty minutes. Are you going to be ready?”

Liam nods and straightens his shoulders, he just needs to get through today and then he can start tomorrow fresh, forget any of this ever happened.

***

The show rounds off the terrible day, he forgets words and cues and it’s generally just awful.

He freezes on stage at one point when he spots a sign that has a photo of him and Louis. Louis is tucked under Liam’s arm, with a basketball and bottle of water in his hand and they’ve both got matching grins on their faces. He doesn’t know how the fan got a hold of it. He can’t even remember who took the damn thing. But the fan has it and they’ve blown it up and above it they have _‘lilo 4 eva’_ written in pink glitter writing.

The morale is completely different than it had been the previous night when they had come of stage. Everyone just looks relieved and tired and maybe a little disappointed. Liam stomach twists with guilt.

“That was amazing.” Harry beams, meeting Liam in the dressing room.

Liam furrows his eyebrows at him. “Did you watch a different show to everyone else?”

“Well, I mean, you seemed a bit off.” Harry admits, dragging Liam on to the couch with him. “But there was thousands of people and they were all there for you. One girl next to me was crying when you came on stage, she was that happy to see you.”

It’s then that Liam realises that Harry’s never been to one of his shows before and the first one he comes to is awful, but he’s still beaming at Liam like he can’t believe it was real.

“I love you, Hazza.” Liam tells him, pulling him in to a hug.

Harry laughs in to his chest, limbs falling awkwardly around Liam. “I love you too. Me and thousands of other people.”

“Christ, Haz.” Niall comments, sitting down next to them with a plate of food. “Calm down will you, his head will explode with the ego you’re building.”

 “I can’t believe this is what you’ve been doing while you were gone.” Harry continues, ignoring Niall.  “You made it, Li. You got yourself here. I’m so bloody proud of you.”

He buries his grin in to the skin of Liam’s neck and Liam tightens his grip around him, his mood considerably lifted. Niall whines about feeling left out but bats at Harry’s hands when he tries to take his plate from him, to pull him in to a hug. Liam laughs watching them. Someone clears their throat and all three of them fall silent as they look towards the person it came from.

Niall is the first to stand up, moving to block Liam’s view of the person. “You can leave through the door you came through, thanks.”

“Move.” Richard demands, his voice dangerously low.

Niall looks ready to stand his ground but Liam reaches for his arm. “It’s okay, Ni.”

“You.” Richard growls, stepping towards Liam. “What have you done to my Louis?”

Liam shakes his head confused. “I haven’t done anything.”

“You haven’t?” Richard scoffs. “Then how come before he came across you again, he was completely content on marrying me and now he says he doesn’t know what he wants.”

“That’s not Liam’s problem, Rich.” Harry points out. “That’s between you and Louis.”

“You’d think so wouldn’t you?” Richard says, glancing at Harry and then focusing back on Liam. “Except when I asked Louis if it was because of _him_ the reason he couldn’t marry me, he said that he wasn’t sure.”

“Wasn’t sure of what?” Liam asks boldly.

“Wasn’t sure if he was still in love with you.” Richard booms and then takes a deep breath in to control himself. “Now I don’t care about you and I don’t actually care if he’s in love with you. What I do care about is being made a fool of and at the moment, many people think I’m a fool for wanting to marry someone who can’t give me a straightforward yes.”

“Like Harry said I don’t see how this is my problem?” Liam says, trying to keep his cool.

“I want you out of Louis’ life, for good.” Richard says finally. “With you gone, he won’t have any queries about marrying me.”

“Alright.” Liam agrees.

“Liam.” Harry pleads quietly.

“Alright.” Liam repeats a little louder. “If that’s what you want. I promise I won’t make any attempt to stay in Louis’ life.”

Richard nods, pleased with that answer.

“But,” Liam says abruptly. “If he wants to make an effort to be in my life then I won’t stop him.”

Richard mulls it over for a moment and then nods again. “I’m sure that he won’t, he’s not one for trying to keep people in his life who don’t force themselves to be there.”

“You’re not wrong about that.” Liam agrees sadly.

Niall steps in again then, not letting Richard say anything else as he shows him to the door. Harry curls back up to Liam’s side, looking up at him with those sad doe eyes he does when he wants something.

“It’s better this way, Haz.” Liam tells him. “Louis has to prove that he’s willing to make the effort. If not, then it doesn’t happen and I don’t end up getting hurt.”

Harry’s quiet for a moment and then a nods slowly. “Okay, that seems fair.”


	2. Chapter 2

_‘Take my hand and my_   
_Heart and soul, I will_   
_Only have these eyes for you’_

The crowd is cheering so loud that Liam can feel it in his bones. He stands at the end of the stage, his microphone hanging loose in his hand at his side as he takes it all in. He waves at a few girls in the very front row, attempts to wink at one who’s waving back manically. Finally he lifts his microphone back up to his lips and finishes the last line of the song, hitting the last note the best he had the entire tour.

Niall and the rest of the band come running over to him once he’s finished, half bent over to catch his breath. They jump on him and tussle a bit, all wet from the water fight they’d had before the last song.

“Thank you, Tokyo!” Liam says finally, his arm hooked around Niall’s shoulder and Josh’s arm around his waist. “Have a good night!”

They all bow together and then the band run backstage and Liam takes his final bow on his own. The crowd’s screams are still echoing the stadium as he runs backstage.

“That was amazing!” Niall yelps, jumping on him the moment he gets down the steps.

Liam laughs and spins them both around. “I can’t believe it’s over.”

“Me either.” Niall agrees as Liam sets him back on the ground. “But we get to start again next year and in stadiums this time. Stadiums, Liam!”

“I know, Nialler!” Liam grins just as excited.

Niall shakes his shoulders and makes a giddy face. Liam laughs again and gives him a shove back towards the dressing room. They take turns using the shower, everyone chatting away happily as they discuss the after party and how good the show was. Jessica finds him when he comes back from his shower, now in clean jeans and looking through his kit bag for a clean shirt.

“I could only get a flight tonight to Manchester.” She says apologetically. “The next one isn’t until Monday, apparently the airline you have to go with don’t fly on weekends or something equally ridiculously.”

“That’s fine.” Liam says easily, tugging on a clean t-shirt.

“You’re going to miss the after-party.” Niall complains from across the room, twisted in his own t-shirt.

Jessica moves over to him, straightening out the arms and tugging the neck hole over his head. Niall is slightly flushed from where he had been struggling but he still manages a flirty smile.

“I won’t miss your face, Horan.” Jessica says, putting her hand on his face and pushing him away.

“You’ll be pining for me, don’t lie.” Niall grins.

Jessica rolls her eyes and turns her attention back to Liam. “The flight doesn’t leave until eleven. You have time to show your face at the after party, if you want to that is.”

“He wants to.” Niall answers for Liam.

Liam throws one of the t-shirts from his bag at him. “If I have time then I’d like to.”

Jessica nods, punches Niall in the shoulder and heads out of the room. Liam throws his things back in to his kit bag and checks his phone for messages.

There’s a lot from different people, congratulating him on the end of the tour and the stadium tour they just announced. He only focuses on two though. One from his mum that reads: _I’m proud of you baby, come home now xx_ The other from Harry that says: _Someone is broadcasting the concert live. Me and Z are drinking every time someone screams your name. hehe. See you soon. xxxxx_

He tucks his phone in to his pocket and wraps his arm around Niall’s shoulder. “Let’s go get you drunk.”

“The best words I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth, Payner.” Niall grins, reaching an arm up to grip at Liam’s shoulder as they both walk out of the dressing room.

***

It’s not even ten pm and everyone is drunk, except for Liam who has a car waiting for him outside and is trying to say goodbye to everyone quickly so he doesn’t miss his flight.

“Are you sure you can’t stay?” Olivia whines, hanging off his arm. “I’ll be your wing woman. I’m sure there’s a nice looking bloke hidden somewhere in this crowd of uglies”

Liam laughs and pries her false nails out of his arm. “That’s a lovely offer, Liv. But If I don’t make it home by tomorrow, there are going to people who will be very upset with me.”

“Awh.” She drawls and then she smiles, bright and lovely. “I’m really glad you have people who love you, Liam. You deserve lots of love.”

Liam squeezes her waist gently and smiles back. “Thanks, Livy.”

“Someone told me the main man is leaving.” Niall’s yells, the crowd parting for him or moving apart because he’s shoving his way through.

“I’m gonna miss my flight.” Liam states as Niall latches on to him.

“Don’t let him go, Liv.” Niall demands and then Liam has the two of them clinging to each arm, his knees almost buckling under their weight.

“Guys.” He complains trying not to laugh. “Seriously, my flight leaves in less than an hour. I really have to go.”

Niall huffs, finally letting him go and pulling Olivia off his other arm. “Fine, but if you don’t call us at least once a day over the break then neither of us are coming on the next tour.”

“Yeah.” Olivia agrees, with her hand on her hip and the other around Niall’s waist.

“I promise I’ll call.” Liam says rushed. He presses a kiss to Olivia’s cheek and ruffles Niall’s hair and then he’s rushing out the door before either of them can grab at him to drag him back. 

“Home then?” Paddy asks once Liam’s safely in the car.

Liam nods, unable to stop the grin spreading across his lips. “Home.”

***

Harry and Zayn pick him up from the airport, they’re both wrapped up warm in their scarves and winter coats and they’re each holding an end of a sign that reads: _Welcome home Payno!_ There’s a small group of fans surrounding them and Harry seems content enough to chat happily away to them. That’s how Zayn ends up spotting him first, dropping his edge of the sign to run over and wrap Liam in a hug.

“I guess I was missed.” Liam chuckles, hugging Zayn back with one hand as his other holds his kit bag.

“Harry saw you in August.” Zayn complains. “I haven’t seen you since July, leave me alone.”

“I missed you too, mate.” Liam admits, squeezing him tightly.

Harry’s joining them only seconds later, nudging his forehead against Liam’s chin like a cat until Liam drops his bag to wrap an arm around him too.

“Missed you.” Harry mumbles and then slightly louder and much more excited he says. “I can’t believe we get you for three whole months.”

Liam laughs and picks up his bag when they both let him go. “You’re gonna be sick of me.”

“Yeah,” Zayn nods with a grin. “It’s gonna be great.” 

***

Liam spends the first three days back home, sleeping off his tour exhaustion. He stays in his family home, even though he’s got a lovely farmhouse, a ten minute walk out of town, that he and Jessica had umm’d and ahh’d over for the entire month of October before finally purchasing. His mum fusses him by making him eat and drink every couple of hours but the most part she lets him sleep.

It’s not until his fourth day that he feels energised enough to take up Harry and Zayn’s offer of a pint down the dog. He plans to go to the farmhouse—his house—afterwards, and tells his mum as such.

“I still can’t believe your bought the Carter’s place.” Harry says astonished, as they stroll to the dog that night.

“Someone had to, not like this town is rolling in money.” Zayn adds. “It was just going to rot if Li hadn’t have bought it.”

Liam smiles at him gratefully, he hates the thought of splashing his cash but he also wanted to make an investment—buy somewhere that he could possibly raise a family in one day—even if it does look ridiculous with just him living in it for now.

“I think you should get a dog,” Harry decides. “At least then I won’t worry about you being in that big house all on your own.”

“I’m a big boy, Haz.” Liam tells him as they walk inside the pub.

“I know you are but you’re always touring and you should have something to come home to, that’s more than just that big empty house” Harry says pitifully.

Liam squeezes his shoulder gently. “Alright, I’ll think about getting the dog.”

“Did one of you say you’re thinking of getting a dog?” Eleanor asks from behind the bar.

“Welcome home, Liam.” Liam says, pitching his voice higher to mock Eleanor’s voice.

“I do not sound like that, dick.” Eleanor scowls while folding her arms. “I have more important problems than you appearing back here every couple of months.”

“I’m wounded.” Liam says amused.

Eleanor throws the rag that was resting on her shoulder at him. “Were you the one that said he was thinking of getting a dog?”

“I might have been,” He shrugs and tilts his head curiously. “Why?”

“Tommo!” Eleanor shouts.

Liam looks to Harry wide eyed but the other lad is avoiding looking at him, like he had the night of the wedding when Richard proposed. Liam growls under his breath and is satisfied when Harry flinches slightly.

Louis’ head appears from behind the door that leads to the kitchen, he must be unable to see Liam because the cheeky smile on his face stays put. “Is Tony here?”

“No, and we might have a home for puppy after all.” She replies excitedly.

“You found a puppy and named it puppy?” Harry asks disappointed.

“Yes, Harold.” Louis replies using his ‘ _any argument you make is wrong’_ voice.

Louis uses his body to push the door open and moves his foot from where it must have been stopping the tiny Siberian Husky from escaping because it suddenly appears, sprinting across the room and straight towards Zayn, who crouches down to pet it. Liam bends down also and the puppy instantly moves over to him, putting its front paws on Liam’s knees so it can inspect his face with its tongue.

“I think—“Zayn pauses and picks the puppy up to inspect it’s underneath. “ _He_ should have a proper name. What happens when he’s full grown and you’re still calling him puppy?”

“That’s the point, mate.” Louis replies, moving from the door to the kitchen to behind the bar. “It’s like a metaphor or something.”

“We are never watching fault in our stars, ever again.” Harry scolds. “You’ve taken it too far, Louis Tomlinson.”

“If I take him, can I change his name?” Liam asks, straightening back up.

Louis freezes, the smile falling from his lips. “You’re back?”

“Yes and apparently asking in advance when other people plan to visit doesn’t work out so well.” Liam replies, looking between Eleanor and Harry.

Eleanor shrugs. “It’s not a visit if it’s permanent, babe.”  

“Permanent?” Liam asks, looking at Louis finally.

“My mum’s sick.” Louis says quietly. “I had to come home to take care of the kids.”

“I’m sorry.” Liam says sincerely.

“Don’t be.” Louis tells him, jaw clenched to keep his emotions in check. “It’s not like it’s your fault cancer exists.”

“I didn’t mean—“Liam starts and sighs. “I meant I’m sorry that she’s sick, that you have to watch her go through that.”  

“Me too.” Louis says, voice breaking.

Liam notices the signs—the shaky shoulders and the dipped head—the instant they happen and he rushes around the bar to wrap his arms around Louis before the first sob escapes his throat.  Louis freezes for a moment but Liam rubs a soothing hand down his spine and he relaxes, gripping on to Liam for dear life until he can get complete control over his emotions.

The entire pub is silent, even the old men at the back playing cards are looking over at them with sympathetic frowns. Liam looks to Eleanor and she nods, pushing open the door to the kitchen so he can he lead Louis inside.

Louis’ chest is shaking as he tries to catch his breath. Liam leaves him for a second, only to venture as far as the sink. He wets some paper towel and comes back over to Louis, batting his hand away from where it’s rubbing furiously at his eyes.

“You’re alright.” He soothes, rubbing the towel gently across Louis’ red face.

Louis’ breath eventually evens out to something more normal sounding. “My mum taught me that, too wet some tissue and gently stroke it across someone’s face to calm them down when they’re upset. My mum taught me and I taught you.”

“Yeah.” Liam agrees softly, putting the tissue down on the counter Louis leans on.

Louis fiddles with a small hole in the bottom of his t-shirt. “You can change puppy’s name, if you take him. Though I don’t think taking a dog on tour around the world is very convenient.”

“Well,” Liam says, moving to lean against the counter opposite Louis. “I could look after him when I’m home and then when I do go on tour, maybe Harry and Zayn will take him, or my parents.”

“Do you plan on coming home often enough for puppy to know who you are?” Louis asks and it doesn’t spiteful, just curious.

“Well every break I get I’ll be back here,” Liam shrugs. “And I can always bring him up to London if I’m there, my apartment’s big enough.”

Louis moves then, fiddling with some utensils that rest on the top, his back to Liam. “Sounds like you’ve got it all sorted.”

“Yeah, so, shall I take him?” Liam asks awkwardly.

“If you want him, sure.” Louis replies plainly.

Liam leaves it there, knowing he’s not going to get anywhere with the conversation. He goes back in to the pub, pinching Eleanor’s waist as he passes her behind the bar.

“Is he alright?” She asks as he makes his way around to sit on one of the stools.

Liam nods. “Back to his old self. Where’s the puppy?”

“Harry and Zayn took him in to the garden.” Eleanor informs him with a giddy smile. “Are you going to take him? Please tell me you are?”

“Yeah, I think I will.” Liam says, laughing when she leans over the bar to pull him in a painful hug, considering the position. 

“You can’t change his name though,” She tells him, her pout could put Harry’s to shame. “He’s used to it now.”

“How long have you been hiding him?” Liam questions.

Eleanor shrugs and starts to wipe down the bar like it’s no big deal. “About a week. Louis found him when he was putting the bins out. The poor thing was hiding underneath one, completely terrified.”

“Your dad has no idea?”

“That man is deaf, blind and a little bit dim.” Eleanor snorts. “He’s clueless.”

Harry comes in, looking as excited as ever because he apparently had taught the dog a trick. He grabs Liam and drags him out in to the beer garden to show him and that’s where they spend the rest of the night.

They end up leaving around midnight, after getting drinks from anyone who ventured in to the garden for a cigarette or who heard about Liam being back and came out to welcome him home. They’re all a bit tipsy as they stumble down the road but Harry still convinces Zayn that they should walk Liam the five minutes just outside of town to the farmhouse.

Liam’s got puppy curled up in his arms as they stop outside his gate. “Are you sure you don’t want to stay the night?”

“No, we’ve got to get home to feed Dodger.” Zayn tells him, his arm wrapped tight around a shivering Harry. “We’ll pop by in the morning with some of his food for puppy. You’ll just have to give him what’s in your fridge for tonight.”

“Alright, night lads.” He says to them both, opening the gate and heading down the path. The pair of them wait until he’s at the front door before they make a move to head back to theirs.

Liam balances puppy on his leg as he tugs his keys out the pocket of his leather jacket. He unlocks the door and sets down puppy on the floor the moment they’re both inside.

“Midnight snack?” He asks the dog who blinks up at him. “You know our relationship isn’t going to work if you don’t talk.”

The dog barks and Liam makes a satisfied noise, heading towards the kitchen. The dog runs after him, skidding on the floor as he tries to keep up.  

“Careful.” Liam says when puppy almost goes head first in to the legs of one of the bar stools. He opens the fridge, praising Jessica to the high heavens for it being fully stocked. “What shall we have then? Would you like some chicken bites? Do dogs like chicken?”

Puppy—who is now sat at his feet—lets out a long howl followed by a yawn. Liam opens the bag of chicken bites and bends down to the dog, holding a few out on his hand. Puppy happily gobbles them, trying to get to the bag once he’s emptied Liam’s hand.

“You’re an impatient little bugger, aren’t you?” Liam says amused, scratching between the dog’s ears. “I know El will kill me but I can’t quite bring myself to call you puppy. It’s ridiculous.”

He eats a few of the chicken bites and then offers the dog what’s left of the packet.

“How about Bruce?” He suggests. The dog licks at his palm, completely ignoring him. “No, you’re right, that doesn’t suit you at all. Uhm, how about Crane? Or Falcone?”

Puppy gets bored with Liam no longer feeding him and decides to sit down on his backside and yawn again. Liam scratches his head and straightens up to put the empty chicken bites bag in the bin.

“To be honest I’m just naming batman characters.” Liam admits, suppressing his own yawn as he heads out of the kitchen, the dog quickly chasing after him.

They get to the stairs and the dog stops, looking up to Liam with a loud painful whine. Liam bends down and picks him up, stroking a hand down the dog’s back as he makes his way upstairs.

“How about Gotham? Hmm?”

The dog nuzzles his arm and Liam knows it’s from the way he’s stroking his fur but he takes it as acceptance of the name. He goes in to the first bedroom he comes across, not sure if it’s the master bedroom or not. He tries to settle Gotham on the chair in the corner but he gets a high pitched whimper for it and ends up just letting him on to the bed.

“Well I suppose it’s better than sleeping alone.” He admits out loud, once he’s stripped down to his boxers and is under the covers with Gotham under the blankets, curled up in the crook of his arm.

***

By the time November turns in to December, him and Gotham, they’ve got themselves a little routine. They wake up just before dawn—a habit that Liam can’t break from touring—and go on a jog in to town. The first few times Liam had put Gotham on a leash—something he had gotten the second day of having the dog, along with a collar, a ridiculous amount of toys and clean bill of health from the vets in town—but after the third day he lets him off and Gotham seems happy enough to run alongside Liam, only drifting away a little to explore but coming back the instant Liam calls his name.

Once they get in to town they head straight for corner shop, where Liam puts Gotham’s leash back on and ties him to the lamppost outside. Gotham doesn’t seem to mind because almost everyone who passes gives him the attention that he seems to crave. Liam buys milk and bread and chats a little to Lucy, the girl who works there.

After that they’ll head up the road to Harry and Zayn’s for a mid morning cuppa. Gotham will attempt to get Dodger to play with him but the golden is too old and gets tired quickly, and they end up napping, curled around each other in Dodger’s bed. He’ll idly chat with Harry and Zayn as they drink their tea, mulling over the plans for the day. If Harry has cover for the store, they’ll go out to lunch and if he doesn’t, then Liam will pop home to get changed and then come back to keep Zayn company while he works on some of his art pieces.

Before he heads home to get changed and ready for the day, he’ll pop in to see his mum, who gives him another cup of tea and has now started keeping treats under the sink for Gotham. He’ll chat with her for a bit, until he either gets a text from Harry to say hurry up or one from Zayn saying he’s bored and needs a distraction.

Gotham goes with him everywhere, no matter what his plans are for the day. Even when he goes to the dog for lunch with Harry, the husky is with him, even if he does get stolen away for a little while by Louis and Eleanor. Neither of who were happy for the name change. Eleanor eventually excepted, shortening it to Gothy so it was still individual to her. Louis point blank refused to call him anything but puppy, and Liam got a little worried that it would confused little Gotham but the dog pretty much answers to any name, as long as you say it in a loving way.

He hasn’t had an actual conversation with Louis since their moment in the kitchen. Not that Liam minds, he’s sticking to his guns, if Louis wants to be a part of his life then he’s going to have to make the effort to be.

That is, until Eleanor is run off her feet one day, two of her usual waiters calling in sick. Liam hears from Harry, who had popped in that morning to help with the breakfast run. He leaves Gotham with Zayn and makes it to the dog in time for the dinner rush.

“Where do you want me?” He asks Eleanor, stepping behind the bar.

Eleanor looks confused for a moment, her hand pausing where she’s pulling a pint. “What?”

“I’m heard you needed a bit of help.” He shrugs, grabbing an apron off the hook on the wall. “Where do you want me?”

Eleanor’s face lights up, she puts the pint in front of the guy who ordered it and comes over to Liam. She grabs his cheeks in her hands and smacks a kiss on his lips. “You’re a star.”

“Well, yeah, but I can slum it for a day.” He jokes.

Eleanor laughs, which shows how desperate she is, she never laughs at his lames jokes, she usually scrunches her nose and shakes her head.

“I can take orders or serve food,” Liam suggests, and when Eleanor looks nervous. “I used to cover Lou’s shifts if he got ill, remember? I know what I’m doing, El.”  

Eleanor nods and reaches under the bar to hand him a pad. “You can take orders _and_ serve then, if you’re such a pro.”

“I never said—“He starts but she walks away before he can complete the sentence.

A young family walk in to the pub, and Liam knows that they’re tourists from the way the faces they make, like this is a cute little place to eat rather than a second home, like most of the people in the town treat it. He heads over to them, searching in the apron he’d tied around his waist for a pen.

“You’re Liam Payne.” The girl blurts, she can’t be more than eight. He really hadn’t thought this through.

“I got that a lot.” He laughs nervously. “Can I get you some drinks?”

“You do look a lot like him.” The older woman says, the mum, he assumes from the way she’s taking the coat off the little boy.

“Or maybe he looks like me.” Liam jokes lamely. If Eleanor could hear him, she’d definitely hit him.

“Mommy, can I take a picture with the Liam Payne lookalike?” The girl pleads.

Liam looks to the mum in hopes she’ll just say no and he can continue with taking their order, maybe get Eleanor to give them their food instead. Except she starts looking through her bag for her camera and Liam doesn’t know how to say no without giving the game away, so he does what he does best, he runs.

“I’ll be right back.” He blurts and then rushes through the pub and in to the kitchen.

He pears through the window in the kitchen door, watching the girl about to throw a tantrum as her mother looks on confused. Eleanor eventually goes over to the table, before the tears start. The woman must point in the direction of the kitchen because soon they’re all looking in his direction. He ducks down quickly.

“What are you doing?” Louis asks, making him jump.

He glances over his shoulder, and then proceeds to drag Louis out of the view of the window.

“There’s a fan.” He explains and takes in Louis’ appearance, especially the redness around his eyes. “Is everything okay?”

Louis waves him off. “It’s nothing.”

“It doesn’t look like nothing.” Liam says, tugging Louis’ hand away when he goes to cover his face with it.

A tear escapes Louis’ eye and travels down the bridge of his nose. “My mum just rang from the hospital, they found another lump.”

“Oh, Lou.” Liam sympathizes.

“She said they’ve found it early so it’ll be easier to fight against.” Louis sniffs and Liam wipes away the tear resting on the end of his nose, along with the second that rolls down his cheek. “But there’s still the first one, it’s like, it’s not going away.”

Liam doesn’t know what words to use, what Louis might need to be said right now to comfort him. Instead he says nothing and tugs Louis in to him, wrapping his arms around him tightly. Louis falls in to him easily, his whole body sagging as he sniffs in to the skin of Liam’s neck.

“Liam Payne!” Eleanor scolds, bursting in to the kitchen.

Louis flinches but doesn’t pull away so Liam keeps his tight grip around him, shooting Eleanor a look over the other lad’s shoulder. She steps closer to them, brushing Louis’ fringe off his forehead to press a kiss there. Then she turns on her foot and disappears back in to the pub.

Liam holds on to Louis for a few minutes longer but eventually says. “I should probably go out and help her. You gonna be okay?”

“Yeah.” Louis sniffs, pulling back from Liam and wiping his face on the sleeve of his own shirt.

Liam squeezes his arm. “Take as long as you need, yeah? If you want to go home, you can. I’m sure I can get Harry to come and cover the kitchen.”

“No, it’s okay.” Louis says, brushing his fingers through his hair, it’s shorter. Liam notices and then realises it’s a stupid thing to notice at that moment in time. “I’m only working until the kids finish school and El’s already understaffed,”

“If you’re sure?” Liam checks.

“I am.” Louis nods.  

Liam accepts his answer and heads to the door, glancing over his shoulder to check Louis is okay to be left alone and when he’s satisfied that Louis isn’t about to break down in tears, he makes his way back in the pub.

***

A few more incidents like that happen, where Liam seems to be in the right place and the right time when Louis is upset. It starts to happen so often, that he no longer sees it as coincidence. Not that he can say anything because who can argue with a guy who’s crying over his sick mother, or his little sisters who are crying over his sick mother, or the general stress of being in charge of a family again.

“Are you doing anything tonight?” Louis asks, after Liam had found him the beer garden, having a little cry and had cuddled him until he calmed down.

“Lou...” Liam frowns not wanting to know where he’s going with this.

“Please,” Louis pleads. “I need an extra pair of hands to watch the kids and as much as they love Harry and Zayn, they need a fresh face.”

 _Where’s your fiancé?_ Liam wants to snap but he doesn’t have it in him so instead he says. “Can I bring Gotham?”

“Of course _puppy_ is always welcome at our house.” Louis agrees easily, eyes twinkling slightly as he calls Liam’s dog the wrong name.

Liam stands up from the bench they were sat on. “Alright, come and find me when your shift finishes.”

Louis nods and starts to wipe at his eyes, trying to sort himself out so he can head back inside and get back to work. Liam leaves him to it, going back in to the pub and to where Zayn and Harry are in the corner, very invested in their game of pool.

“Alright?” Harry asks, his chin leaning on his pool cue as he waits for Zayn to take a shot.

Liam nods, picking up his warm pint and draining it of its content. He goes over to the bar to get another one from Eleanor and settles on one of the stools, and that’s where he stays until Louis finishes his shift. Harry gives him a curious look and Zayn a dissatisfied one, when he and Louis head over to them to say goodbye. Liam ignores both of them.

“Gotham is at my mum’s.” Liam explains once they’re outside in the cold December air.

Louis nods, digging his hands deep in to the pockets of his denim jacket as they make the short walk to Liam’s childhood home. His mum greets them at the door, looking confused by Louis presence but doesn’t mention it. Gotham comes running out the moment he hears voices, barking excitedly when he sees both Liam and Louis. 

“Hi buddy.” Louis greets, bending down to pet the dog. “I missed you.”

Gotham soaks up the attention, licking all over Louis’ face. Liam gives his mum a thankful kiss on the cheek and ignores her questionable gaze. He turns on his foot to head back down the path, calling Gotham’s name softly.  The dog moves away from Louis and makes quick work of catching up to Liam. He hears his mum mumble something and Louis reply but he continues walking, not wanting to have any part in that conversation.

Louis jogs to catch up to them and all three walk in silence down to the end of the street where Louis’ family home resides. The noise of everyone inside is so loud, it can be heard before Louis’ even opened the door. Louis gives him an apologetic look but Liam smiles. He’s used to the chaos that is the Tomlinson brood, he spent his childhood as much in Louis’ home as he did his own.

“I’m home.” Louis yells once they’re inside.

Doris comes sprinting out of the living room and straight to him, her face red and puffy from crying. “I felled.”

“You _fell_?” Louis asks, correcting her grammar and pouting out his bottom lip as he picks her up.

Doris nods, leaning out of his grip to try and reach for her knee. “Hurted my knee.”

“Tell Louis what you were doing when you fell, Dory.” Fizzy says, leaning on the doorway to the living room. She smiles politely at Liam before looking back to her sister.

Doris buries her face in Louis’ neck, completely ignoring her sister. “That Liam Payne?”

“That is Liam Payne.” Louis says amused.

Liam fidgets nervously when Louis looks at him with a blinding grin. Doris lifts her head from Louis’ neck to glance at Liam, he attempts to smile at her but she buries her face back in Louis neck so fast, he barley has chance to pull up the corner of his lips.

“You’ve seen Liam before.” Fizzy reminds her sister. “He was at Harry and Zayn’s wedding, remember? And then we went to his house the next day. He’s just Auntie Karen’s son, not the big pop star on your lunch box.”

Liam flushes. He’d begged publicist not to do the lunch boxes.

“Liam is going to stay and watch some films with us.” Louis says when Doris still doesn’t lift her head. “You can ask him all the questions you like, think how jealous all your friends will be.”

Doris finally lifts her head, fiddling with the fur on Louis’ denim jacket. “Okay.”

“Okay.” Louis echoes and then puts her back down on the floor. She clings to his leg, peaking around it slightly to look at Liam. “Ernie? Phoebes? Dais? Where is everyone?”

Fizzy shrugs when he looks over at her. “Ernie is playing with his trains in the living room. I don’t know where the other two are, they both disappeared as soon as we got home from school.”

“Could you find them for me?” Louis requests, looking to Liam.

Liam nods dumbly, not expecting the request to be set in his direction. Louis smiles thankfully, gently tugging Doris away from his leg so he can head in to the kitchen. Gotham—who had been sat calmly at Liam’s feet for the past five minutes—follows behind him, probably expecting treats. Fizzy goes back in to the living room and Liam is left with a shy three year old, looking up at him like he’s some magical being.

“Do you want to help me find your sisters?” He asks. 

Doris continues to stare for a minute and then she nods her head slowly, stepping forward and reaching her hand out. Liam takes it in his own, and lets her lead the way upstairs. They find the twins in their room. Phoebe is sitting on her bed, laptop resting on her legs and she’s typing away on it furiously. Daisy is curled up on the bed opposite, facing the wall and is worryingly still.

“Is she asleep?” Liam asks Phoebe.

Phoebe doesn’t bother to look up from her laptop as she shakes her head. “She’s been like that since we got home.”

“Daisy,” Liam says gently, letting go of Doris’ hand to move over to where Daisy is lying. Doris doesn’t let him go that easy, jumping up on his lap the moment he sits down on Daisy’s bed. “Sweetie, are you okay?”

Daisy lets out a tiny sniffle. “Yeah,”

“I think Louis is making dinner and then we’re going to watch a film,” He explains, putting a gentle hand on her arm. “You don’t have to come down, if you don’t want. I’ll bring you some food up, if you’d like to stay up here.”

Daisy sniffles again and then sits up, wiping at her face. “I’ll come down.”

“It Liam Payne, Daisy.” Doris exclaims, pointing at Liam’s face, almost poking him in the eye.

“I know.” Daisy replies with playful enthusiasm.

Liam laughs lightly and tickles Doris’ waist until she’s giggling and squirming out of his lap. “I’ll have Louis call you when food’s ready, yeah?”

Daisy nods with a small smile and Liam sets Doris on her feet and stands up himself. He glances at Phoebe, who has yet to remove her gaze from her laptop, and clearly has no intension to and decides to leave her to it.

 Doris slip her hand back in to his as they head out of the room. He takes the stairs slowly as her little legs take longer to get down each step than his do. Gotham runs towards them when they get in to the kitchen and Doris looks reluctant to let go of Liam’s hand, she also looks like she really wants to play with the dog.

Louis has his back to them, the t-shirt he’s wearing is pulled taut across his shoulders from where they’re hunched over and tense. It’s one of those signs that Liam knows and it makes him nervous, with Doris being in the same room

“Gotham, shall we show Doris the tricks you can do?” Liam asks and Gotham barks as if to answer.

Liam bends down to be the same height as the three year old and his dog. He holds out his hand and Gotham puts his paw on it, giving him a look to say _‘Come on, bro. I can do better than that’_. Liam spins his index finger in the air and Gotham spins around, he puts his finger on the tiled floor and Gotham lies down, he turns his finger over and Gotham rolls over.

Doris claps her hands avidly. “Can I try?”

“Sure.” Liam agrees and stands up, moving out of the way so she can stand in front of Gotham.

Doris holds her hand out and Gotham sits up to put his paw on her palm. “I did it, I did it.”

“You did, well done.” Liam praises. “Now try the other ones,”

Doris lets go of Gotham’s paw and bends down to put her hand on the floor. The dog looks confused for a second but soon follows instructions, lying down and licking at the top of her hand. Doris giggles excitedly and Liam feels she’s distracted enough that he can move over to Louis, without her following.

“You alright?” He asks, putting a hand on either side of Louis on the counter, to block him from Doris’ view, just in case he breaks down.

“There’s no food in the fridge.” Louis says dejected.

“That’s okay, we can order in and you can go get some tomorrow.” Liam assures him.

Louis shakes his head, it’s bowed and his shoulders are beginning to tremor.  Liam looks over his shoulder to Doris, who’s still happily distracted by Gotham.

“Lou, you can’t do this, not here.” Liam says, moving his hand to Louis’ hip. 

He puts his other hand on Louis’ arm to turn him around and sure enough Louis’ eyes are damp around the edges. Gotham barks and Liam looks over his shoulder again to see Doris patting the floor, getting Gotham to follow the path of her hands. Louis lets out a shaky breathe and Liam moves quickly, circling his fingers around Louis wrist and tugging him in to the walk in pantry.

It shows how upset Louis is that he doesn’t make a witty comment like _‘this brings back memories’_ or _‘not like we haven’t been here before’._

“Alright.” Liam says, stroking his hands down Louis’ arms. “Let it out.”

“I can’t do this.” Louis admits instead of crying like Liam expects him to. “I spent the past six years having to look out for one person. I don’t know—I can’t take care of them anymore, I don’t know how to. Especially not without my—“

He does cry then, a heart wrenching sob that shakes his entire body. Liam wraps an arm around him and puts his free hand on the back of his neck, squeezing gently.

“You can do this,” Liam promises. “You can do anything you put your mind to. I’ve watched you do it.”

Louis snorts in to Liam’s shoulder. “How can you have so much faith in me?”

 _‘Because no matter how much you hurt me I’ll always love you’_ Liam thinks but instead he says. “Someone has to” 

The door to the pantry swings open before Louis has the chance to reply and Fizzy stands there with her hands on her hips.

“It’s great you’re back together and all but you can’t just disappear without telling anyone, Louis.” She says exasperated. “Especially not when you’re watching Doris. You know how she gets when she’s left on her own.”

Liam wants to defend Louis but he also to wants to argue the part where she said that they were back together. Louis beats him to it, stepping out of Liam’s now lose grip around him.

“Sorry.” He tells her plainly, pushing past her and back in to the kitchen.

Fizzy narrows Liam with a quizzical look and he makes sure to avoid her gaze as he passes her back in to the kitchen. Doris is curled in to Louis’ arms, sniffling slightly in to his t-shirt as he whispers to her reassuringly. Liam gets his phone from his pocket and pulls up the local pizza place number.

***

Three hours, several pizzas and almost two Disney movies later, the youngest Tomlinson’s are asleep. Louis had taken Ernie up the moment his eyes started to droop during the credits of the first movie. Phoebe hadn’t ventured down for longer than needed—which means she basically grabbed herself a pizza and disappeared—and Daisy had stayed to watch the first film but had left to ring one of her friends—Gotham trailing after her—before Louis could even suggest another. Fizzy decides to take Doris up just after Louis had put on the second movie, picking her little limp body up from where she had curled up to Liam’s side.

It’s not until the door is clicking shut behind Fizz that Liam realises he’s left alone with Louis.

“I love this part.” Louis grins, clearly not affected by the disappearance of his younger siblings. He’s got a bowl of haribos resting on his stomach and his feet tucked under Liam’s thighs as he continues to be completely captivated by the film. 

Liam tries to keep his attention on the screen where Rapunzel is hitting Flynn Rider with a saucepan because he guessed where she hid his satchel. Louis giggles when it happens, shoving a handful of sweets in to his mouth. It feels normal and familiar, like the past six years hadn’t passed and they’re just two lads, best friends, boyfriends even, hanging out.

Liam jumps up from the couch, and begins to search the floor for where Fizzy had put his boots.

Louis sits up slowly, setting the bowl of haribos on the table. “Is everything okay?”

“No.” Liam answers honestly, spotting his shoes tucked under the coffee table in the corner. “No, I need to go.”

“The film hasn’t finished.” Louis points out, frowning.

“I’ve seen it before.” Liam replies, pulling on his shoes. He spots his leather jacket draped across the back of the couch, and pulls that on too.

“Why are you leaving?” Louis asks.

Liam doesn’t have a rational answer for him so he doesn’t give him one. “Tell the girls I said goodbye.”

Louis tries to get up to but he gets twisted in the blanket he had wrapped around him and Liam takes that as his chance to escape.  He makes it all the way to the center of town before he remembers he left something very valuable back at the Tomlinson’s.

“Shit.” He cures to himself, turning on his foot.

The entire walk back he gears himself to face Louis, only to arrive at the door and have Fizzy answer. She looks confused to see him for a moment, until a long whine comes from behind her and she steps out of the way, revealing Gotham.

“I’m sorry.” Liam says apologetically, bending down when the dog runs over to him. “If I feed you two treats when we get home, can we forget this happened?

Gotham licks at his cheek and Liam takes that as yes.

“So you’re the reason he thinks he’s part human.” Fizzy says amused.

“Possibly.” Liam replies, standing up and bringing Gotham with him. “Well, goodnight.”

“You’re leaving?”

Liam looks towards the voice and finds Daisy half way down the stairs with the famous Tomlinson pout on her lips. “Yeah. Gotham will pitch a fit if he doesn’t get his morning kibble.”

Gotham nudges his nose against Liam’s jaw as if to say _‘you lying bastard’._

“Come back soon, okay?” Daisy pleads, not moving from her spot on the stairs.

Liam nods. “Of course, but you know where I am if you need me.”

“Yeah,” Daisy says shyly.

Liam smiles warmly at her and tucks his leather jacket around Gotham, ready to brace the cold once more. Fizzy calls after him as he makes it out on to the porch. She closes the door behind her as she steps out, rubbing at her cold arms.

“Did you and Louis have a fight?” She asks, continuing before he can answer. “I know he’s being extra pissy lately but he’s got a lot on his plate and he needs you now more than ever. Whatever it is you guys fought about, maybe, take it easy on him. Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Liam agrees vacuous.

Fizzy pauses, like she wants to say something but decides against it, scratching the top of Gotham’s head and offering Liam a small smile. Liam doesn’t let himself breath until she’s safely tucked back inside and he’s walking down the path, away from the house.

“My life _is_ a fucking joke.” He tells the dog tucked against his chest.

***

Liam’s plan to avoid Louis lasts as long as he expected it to in a town as small as theirs. Though he doesn’t expect to bump in to him in his family home, of all places. He drops in for his annual visit, heads in to the kitchen with Gotham hot on his trail and comes face to face the person he’d managed to spend exactly twelve hours avoiding.

“Good morning, baby.” His mother greets, bending down to scratch between Gotham’s ears. “I’ve got something special for you, do you want to see?”

“I’m good too, mum. Thanks for asking.” Liam says sarcastically, dropping himself in to the stool opposite Louis while trying to avoid his eyes.

His mum waves him off, moving over to the cupboard beneath the sink. Gotham follows her excitedly, knowing exactly what happens when the humans open kitchen cupboards. Liam’s mum doesn’t disappoint him either, pulling out a clear plastic tub filled with bone shaped dog treats.

“Are those homemade?” Liam asks astonished.

“I found a recipe online.” She tells him, opening the box and feeding Gotham one.

Liam shakes his head, trying to suppress his fond smile. “You’re spoiling him.”

“I don’t have any grandbabies.” She says, more like hints, stroking her hand down Gotham’s back as she feeds him another biscuit. “He’s all I’ve got.”

“Just don’t start a trust fund for him because then we might have to take you to a psych ward, Mrs P.” Louis teases.

Liam hates the way he says _‘Mrs P’_ like nothing had changed, like they were still the teenagers who would spend their Sunday mornings chatting in the kitchen, while his mother cooked the dinner.

It’s a stupid thing that used to make Liam giggle when he was younger and his mother would complain that she wished Louis would just call her _‘Auntie Karen’_ like the rest of the kids in town. The more that she complained, the more of an effort Louis would make to call her it. Though it wasn’t personal to Liam’s mum, he did it with all the _‘adults’_ in town. Apart from Harry’s mum, who after she divorced from Harry’s dad, he started calling _‘Anne’_ in a flirtatious way, just to piss Harry off.

Liam hates it, he hates thinking about a time he spent years forcing himself to forget, only for Louis to come back and force him to remember. He squeezes the water bottle in his hand a little too tight, causing it to crack and what’s left inside to spill all over the counter.

“Oh dear.” His mother says, grabbing a towel from the counter to clean up the mess. “Are you okay, baby?”

Liam hadn’t realised he was still gripping tightly to the water bottle, until she pries his hand from around it.  “Yeah, sorry. I don’t think I got enough sleep last night is all.”

“Pining for tour?” She guesses.

Liam nods because he doesn’t want to have to tell her that the reason for his restless night is sitting opposite him.

“Anyway,” Louis says after no one speaks for a few minutes. “I’m heading down to Manchester later today, and I was thinking of taking the older girls with me.”

“It’s alright for them to go?” Liam’s mother asks.

 “Yeah, they’re giving mum time to recover from the second operation before they start the chemo again.” Louis explains. “I want to get them up to see her before—“

His voice cuts off and Liam purposely keeps his eyes on Gotham—who’s polishing off the box of treats Liam’s mother had left on the floor—because he knows his heart can’t take watching Louis breakdown again.

“Oh, sweetie.” Liam’s mother says, quickly moving away from Liam and over to the other lad.   

Louis sniffs loudly, cracking Liam’s heart anyway. “She doesn’t want me to take the little ones, and I don’t want to either. They’ll just get confused by it all and I don’t want to upset them.”

Liam gets what he’s hinting at, much faster than his mother and finds himself blurting. “I’ll watch them.”

“Oh.” His mother says, catching on. “It’s no bother, I could—“

“I’ll watch them.” Liam repeats. Fizzy words playing like an old record stuck on repeat in his head.

“I mean, if you want to.” Louis says unsure.

Liam nods, catching the other lad’s eyes for the first time since he entered the room. “Bring them to my place before you leave. I’ll get some paints and stuff from the shop in town. They won’t even notice you’re gone.”

 “You don’t have to do that.” Louis says earnestly. 

“I want to.” Liam assures him. “Let me, yeah?”

Louis doesn’t answer so Liam’s mother does it for him, ending the conversation by clapping her hands together and announcing that she’ll make them all some lunch.

***

Louis drops the twins off later that afternoon, both of them running past Liam and in to the house to find Gotham. Fizzy is waiting in the passenger seat of his old citroen, the older twins in the back.

“I didn’t know you still had that.” Liam says, nodding towards the car.

Louis hands him the twins’ backpacks. “Mum’s going to let Fizzy have it once she’s passed her test.”

“I’m surprised it still runs, the way you drive.” Liam teases.

“Yeah,” Louis replies distracted.

“Its gonna be alright, Lou.” He says, trying to be reassuring.

“Yeah,” Louis repeats.

Liam tugs him in by his bicep and wraps his arms around him in a tight grip that he hopes is comforting. “Ring me, alright? If you feel like—It doesn’t matter what time it is—If you need someone to talk to, I’ll be there.”

“Okay.” Louis agrees quietly, sinking in to the hug.

The car horn sounds eventually and Louis pulls back from Liam with a sigh, he offers a weary smile and turns on his foot. Liam watches him get in the car and drive away before closing the front door. The twins are squealing from the kitchen, clearly spotting the assortments of paints he had spread out across the kitchen table.

He spends the rest of the day distracting them with the paints, and once they’re covered in head to toe, he tries to get them to have a bath and they end up having a soap fight in the bathroom. They eat chicken nuggets and oven chips for tea and eventually settle in the living room, watching every film about fish that Disney has made, because apparently Ernie’s really in to fish.

The clock is creeping closer to nine, the twins are both asleep and Nemo is still yet to be found when Liam’s phone vibrates on the coffee table.

“Hi, Lou.” He says without checking the caller ID.

Louis huffs. “How did you know it was me?”

“Lucky guess.” Liam admits. “The kids are fine, they’ve told me exclusively that I am their new favourite and they’d be perfectly happy for you never to come home.”

“Lies, they’re all lies. I refuse to believe anything you say, Payne.” Louis replies, sounding a lot more like himself than he had in weeks. Liam lets himself relax for a minute but his moment is quickly ruined when Louis’ voice drops to that quiet tone he hates. “They’re doing okay, yeah?”

“They’re fine.” He promises. “They’ve made mummy lots of lovely paintings and have requested they all be put up in her special place.”

Louis is quiet for a really long time. “Do you think I’m doing the right thing?”

“Yeah.” Liam says honestly. “You were right when you said that they won’t understand. They’re so young, Lou.”

“I know.” Louis replies dejected.

“You’re doing the right thing.” Liam says firmly.

Louis lets out a long breath like he’s relieved. “I’ve got to go, the girls want to go and get a takeaway. Give the little ones a kiss goodnight from me, yeah?”  

“Will do.” Liam promises. “See you tomorrow.”

“Bye, babe.” Louis replies and the line goes dead.

Liam doesn’t move the phone from his ear for a really long time. Somehow he manages to convince himself that it was a slip of the tongue. After all Louis calls pretty much everyone babe, including his male friends. He tells himself it’s because Louis sees them as friends, but that doesn’t make him feel any better.

He watches the end of the film and then decides that he really should moves the twins upstairs. He decides to put them in the spare room across from his, that way he can leave both doors open and hope they’ll know where to find him if something happens in the night. Ernie wakes up when Liam tries to pick him up from where he’d curled in to a ball on the sofa and demands to be able to go upstairs on his own. Liam doesn’t argue, instead he picks up Doris, who stays asleep and falls completely limp in his arms, it’s a little scary. Ernie climbs in to the bed and curls up to the wall straight away, falling back to sleep immediately. Liam gently tucks Doris in to the bed beside him and then gives them both Louis’ goodnight kiss.

He thinks about staying up and watching some TV but the tiredness gets the better of him and instead he switches off all the lights downstairs, collects Gotham from where he was curled up under the kitchen table and heads to bed.

It’s hours later when he wakes to his phone vibrating manically on his bed side table. Gotham snuffles displeased from where he’s curled up in the crook of Liam’s arm—his permanent sleeping position that he’d had since the first night Liam got him and that he refused to change even though he’s growing—and Liam makes a noise of agreement, reaching over blindly to the bed side table for the phone. He almost hits it on to the floor but just about manages to catch it falls out of reach. Without checking the caller ID, he presses answer and rests phone half on his face and half on the pillow his head lays on.

“’ello?”

Heavy breathing comes through the receiver and for a moment Liam thinks that it’s some kind of prank call, until he hears a familiar hiccup and sniffle.

“Lou?” Liam says softly.

“Liam.” Louis replies almost pleading. 

Liam picks the phone off his face and sits up, much to Gotham’s dismay. “What do you need?”

“I don’t—I can’t—“Louis breaths heavily, stops for a few seconds and then breaths heavily again. He’s having a panic attack is the first thing Liam thinks and the second thing is _fuck_.

“Okay, okay.” Liam says mostly to himself. “I need you to count with me, Lou. Can you do that?”

Louis’ erratic breathing doesn’t stop and he says Liam’s name in a terrified voice.

“Lou, count.” Liam demands. “One, Two. Out loud, Lou.”

“Th—Three.” Louis pants. “F—Four, F—five, S-S-Six, S—Seven.”

Liam keeps counting with him and they make it all the way up to sixty five before Louis’ breath returns to normal. Liam rests his head back against the wall when it finally does and lets out his own relieved breath.

“Liam?” Louis asks quietly.

“I’m here.” Liam assures him.

“I—“He pauses. “Will you stay on the phone with me?”

Liam shimmies his body back down, curling his arm back around Gotham. “Sure.”

“Will you talk?” Louis requests. “About anything, just talk.”

“Alright.” Liam yawns.

He tells Louis all the funny stories that come to mind, most of them from tour and involving Niall. Louis’ breathing starts to soften until Liam is sure he’s asleep. He doesn’t hang up the phone, to scared that Louis will wake up and have another panic attack. Instead he tucks the phone under his ear and keeps talking until his stories turn in to dreams.

***

Niall turns up a week before Christmas. He punches Liam in the shoulder and scolds him for not calling and then pulls him in to a bone crushing hug. He’s got a car filled with presents with him, and demands to be taken to visit everyone in town so he can hand them out. Liam agrees easily, climbing in to the passenger seat of Niall’s land drover and fills him in on what’s happened since Liam had arrived almost two months ago.

They stop at Harry and Zayn’s first, the two of them completely ecstatic to see Niall. Harry makes them all tea, and they settle in the living room to catch up. Niall’s part way through telling them about the girl he’d met while visiting his cousin in Australia—apparently they’ve gotten pretty serious which is something new for Niall—when Liam’s phone vibrates loudly in his pocket. He waves at Niall to continue his story, as he steps in to the kitchen to answer it.

“Hello?”

 “Hey.” Louis voice comes softly down the receiver.

 It had been four days since Liam had watched the kids. Four days since Liam had hung up on Louis, when he’d woken up to his phone pressed to his ear and Louis’ gruff morning voice calling his name down the receiver. Four days since Liam had seen or spoken to Louis, somehow managing to avoid the other lad, even in their small town. He hadn’t even bothered to ask Eleanor how Louis and the kids were doing when he’d popped in to the dog—long after Louis’ shift had ended—and his stomach twists with how guilty he feels.

 “Is everything okay?” He asks gently.

“Yeah,” Louis replies surprisingly cheerful. “I’ve got some good news actually. Uhm, are you home? Can I come over?”

Liam’s frown is aimed at Gotham who is staring at him from where he’s curled up to Dodger on the dog bed. “I’m actually at Harry and Zayn’s. Niall’s in town, we’re doing the rounds.”

“Oh.” Louis says and is quiet for a moment. “Are you going to the dog? I could meet you there? It’d be nice to see Niall again.”

“We were thinking of going there for lunch actually.” Liam informs him.

 “Okay, I’ll be working but tell El to come and get me when you come in, yeah?” Louis pleads.

“Alright.” Liam agrees.

“Great.” Louis says ecstatic. “I’ll see you in a couple of hours then?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright.” Louis says and then. “Bye, _babe_.”

This time Liam knows it’s not a slip of the tongue, it’s said on purpose and it feels a lot more than a friendly endearment. Liam’s contradicted emotion must express on his face because Gotham lifts himself from where he was happily snoozing and makes his way over to him. He jumps up so his front two paws are resting on Liam’s thighs and whines until Liam bends down to pay him some attention.

“I think I’m I’ve made a bit of a mess.” Liam admits.

Gotham licks the inside of his wrist and Liam takes that as a form of condolence.

***

They end up arriving at the dog late afternoon, after they’d visited Liam’s mum and few other members of the small town that Niall had managed to become friendly with. Liam doesn’t break his promise, asking El if she could inform Louis of their arrival once he’s ordered a two pints from her at the bar.

“About bloody time too, he’s been nagging me all day about you coming.” Eleanor complains but she’s smiling.

 Liam glances over his shoulder as she disappears out to the kitchen. Niall is sat alone at their table but he’s chatting happily to the group of girls—one of them being Fizzy—sat on the table beside him.

“Liam.” Louis says cheerfully, pulling Liam’s attention back to the bar. “You’re here.”

“I am.” Liam replies bemused. 

“Come with me,” Louis requests, moving out from behind the bar and towards the beer garden. Liam checks Niall is still distracted before following Louis out.

“So,” Liam says once they’re in the garden and Louis hasn’t spoken.

“Right, yeah.” Louis says giddy. “The hospital have given mum the all clear to come home for Christmas.”

Liam feels his heart swell. “That’s amazing news, Lou.”

“She’s got to go back the day after boxing day to start the second round of chemo but at least we can give the kids a normal Christmas, they deserve that.” Louis explains, smile so big that Liam’s heart melts.

“That’s really great, Louis.” Liam says sincerely. 

“Yeah.” Louis sighs happily.

They both stand in peaceful silence for a minute, until a breeze passes and Liam remembers that it’s mid December and Louis is stood in front of him in a short sleeve shirt.

“We should go back inside,” Liam suggests.

“Hmm.” Louis agrees, not moving. “What are you doing for Christmas, Li?”

Liam notices the goosebumps covering his bare arms and really wants to reach out and warm him up with his hands. “I was going to take my parents to the Bahamas like normal but mum decided she wants to stay home this year, you know, since I’m here. So, we’re having Christmas at the farmhouse. Zayn and Harry are coming too.”

“Oh.” Louis says quietly.

“Why?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Lou.” Liam urges.

“I was going to see if you wanted to come to ours.” Louis admits. “Mum’s coming home but she’s not going to be able to do anything, not really. I’ve got to cook, and I thought—if you—I could—I wouldn’t have to do it all on my own.”

Liam gives in to temptation and reaches out to stroke Louis’ arms with his hands, mulling over his words. “We could compromise.”

“How?” Louis asks.

“Well, I can’t cancel on everyone. Mum is really excited about being able to use the double oven,” Liam explains. “But you guys are more than welcome to join us, if your mum is up to it, that is. That way you wouldn’t have to be stuck in the kitchen all day, you could spend it with the kids.”

Louis ponders it for a moment. “Your mum won’t mind?”

“Of course not,” Liam tells him. “Is that a yes?”

Louis nods. “If mum is up to it.” 

 “Alright.” Liam smiles gently. “Can we go inside now? Before you catch your death.”

Louis shivers like he’d just been reminded that he was cold and nods. Liam finally removes his hands from the other lad’s arms and leads the way back inside. Harry and Zayn are now sat at the table with Niall, and all three look at them curiously as they come back inside.

Louis leaves Liam with a gentle squeeze of his arm, heading back in to the kitchen. Liam sucks down his pride, going over to the table where his friends sit.

“Do we want to know?” Zayn asks.

“He just wanted to tell me about his mum coming home for Christmas.” Liam explains plainly.

Harry’s eyes brighten. “They’ve said she can come home?”

“Yes, and they’re coming to the farmhouse on Christmas day.” Liam adds, fiddling with the packets of sauce that rest in a jar on the table.

“Jesus, the whole town will be coming at this point.” Harry says smiling.

Liam shrugs, mirroring his friend’s smile. “Fine by me.”

“Christ, you’re not going to want to come back on tour, are you? You’re going to stay here and become boring.” Niall jokes.

Zayn drapes his arm across the back of Harry’s chair and raises his eyebrows. “What are you trying to say, Horan?”

“That your arse is boring.” Niall tells him.

“His arse is lovely.” Harry says, smiling at Zayn cheekily. “Even if you have to see it naked to really appreciate it.”

Zayn does something behind Harry’s chair that Liam can’t see but it causes the other lad to squirm around. “You wait until we get home.”

“I’m going to find a lass to flirt with.” Niall announces, glancing at Liam. “All this sexual tension’s got us all hot and bothered.”

He heads across the room to where Fizzy and her friends are now playing pool, pressing close to the first one he comes across and whispering in her ear. It takes seconds for her to be leaning back in to him and giggling quietly.

“What about his Australian girl?” Harry asks. Ignoring the fact Zayn is sucking a hickey in to his neck.

 “He won’t do much more than flirt.” Liam defends his friend. “They’re too young for much else anyway.”

Niall migrates in to the group of girls, eventually ending up bent over one of them as he tries to teach her how to play snooker. Liam sniggers to himself, as the girl he had first walked up to tries to get involved too, in attempt to keep Niall’s attention. His eyes catch Fizzy, tucked in the corner, sat on one of the bar stools. She’s on her phone, frowning as she taps away at it. 

“You should ask Niall to ask her if she’s got any friends.” Harry says. 

“Who?” Liam asks distracted.  

“Niall’s Australian girl.” Harry clarifies. “I think it’d be good for you, maybe you guys could go on a double date.”

Liam hums his agreement and thinks it’s probably a good idea, and he would probably go, if he didn’t have a Louis.

***

Liam’s drunk. It’s a good drunk though, that tiny bit between feeling buzzed and completely smashed, basically it means he’s still in control over his own feet but not as in control of the words coming out of his mouth. It’s Christmas eve, which means the dog is packed filled with everyone who hadn’t gone to spend Christmas with relatives.

Zayn has been keeping an eye on him for a past hour because Liam might have blurted out to Mrs Keeling that he had been the one that peed in her garden that one Christmas eve, and got a slap for it. It may have been eight years ago but she had asked and she deserved the truth.

“You’re smashed, mate.” Harry laughs when Liam plasters himself to his back.

“M’not smashed.” Liam grumbles, burying his face in to the warm of Harry’s neck. “Bit drunk is all.” 

“Keep an eye on him.” Zayn tells Harry. “I’ve been dying for a piss for the past twenty minutes but the bugger wouldn’t stay put long enough for me to go.”

He continues to grumble his disappointment over Liam’s actions as he disappears in to the crowd. Liam huffs in to Harry’s neck, causing the younger lad to squirm and giggle.

“At least your enjoying yourself, it’s nice to see.” Harry admits, moving them away from the crowd a little.

Liam finally dethatches himself from Harry’s back and straightens up. “I need to find Louis.”

“No you don’t.” Harry says firmly.

“Harry.” Liam whines. “I need to find Louis. I need to ask him something. S’important.”

Harry doesn’t look pleased about it but he nods. “Alright, I think I saw him covering the bar while El went for a pee. C’mon.”

“You’re my favourite.” Liam expresses as Harry takes his hand, to lead him through the pub to the bar.

“I’ll accept that,” Harry replies, squeezing through the crowd of people surrounding the bar. “If you repeat it the next time you see Zayn.”

Liam hiccups. “Okay.”

“Lou!?” Harry calls out, his hand tight around Liam’s as he leans over the bar to get Louis’—who happens to be serving down the other end—attention.

Louis comes over to him looking frustrated. “What do you want?”

“I don’t want a drink.” Harry waves him off. “Liam wants to speak to you.”

Louis looks over Harry’s shoulder and Liam’s smiles shyly, fidgeting where he’s stood. “Give me two minutes? I’ll meet you in the beer garden.”

Harry nods, elbowing Liam in the stomach gently so he’ll move back and he leads Liam back in to the crowd of people and out in to the beer garden.

“That’s nice.” Liam breathes as the cold air hits his heated cheeks.

“How many drinks have you had exactly?” Harry asks him, sitting them down on one of the benches.

There’s a few people spread out around the garden, smoking and chatting aimlessly. Liam ends up watching them and forgets to answer Harry’s question. Harry snorts, patting Liam’s thigh and they both fall in to a silence as they wait for Louis to arrive. Which he does eventually, letting out the same relieved breath as Liam had, his fingers getting lost in his sweat slick hair.

“Don’t leave him on his own or Zayn will kill you.” Harry warns, squeezing Louis’ shoulder and heading inside.

Louis sits in Harry’s abandoned seat. “Are you alright?”

“Louis,” Liam says happily. “I need to ask you something.”

“Okay.” Louis says smiling. “Hit me.”

“I don’t want to hit you.” Liam pouts.

“No,” Louis laughs. “Just ask me whatever you want to ask me, Liam.”

“Oh, yeah.” Liam clears his throat and turns to face Louis. “I wanted to ask you, if you wanted to kiss me?”

Louis swallows loudly. “Do you want me to kiss you?”

“Well Harry says I’m happy and I think I am happy but I think I’d be much happier if you kissed me.” Liam nods in agreement with himself.

Louis puts a cautious hand on Liam’s thigh and leans forward, his lips ghosting over Liam’s at first. Liam twists his fingers in the front of Louis’ shirt, making an impatient noise and then they’re kissing. It’s a little sloppy, considering one half of them is three quarters of the way to wasted. It’s also warm and familiar. It makes all the questions in the back of Liam’s mind completely dissolve until the only thing left is the thought of how amazing Louis’ lips feel against his own.

Louis’ the one to pull back first, pressing his forehead to Liam’s as he attempts to catch his breath. “You’re not going to remember this tomorrow are you?”

“I am.” Liam replies stubborn.

Louis snorts and presses a peppers a few more kisses to Liam’s mouth, like he can’t quite stop himself. “We should go and find Harry and Zayn.”

“In a minute.” Liam says, keeping a tight grip around Louis’ shirt so he can’t move away.

Louis lifts his hand up to cup the back of Liam’s neck, his thumb stroking across the line of Liam’s jaw and he smiles. Liam smiles back, closing his eyes and rubbing his nose against Louis’. The second time they kiss, Liam feels like he’s drowning in it, drowning in Louis.

It’s an awkward cough that has them pulling apart this time. They’re both panting, staring at each other for a moment before finally looking in the direction of the cough.

Fizzy grins at them, arms hugging her waist. “I hate to break up this love fest but I’ve had to stop four separate girls from taking photos of the pair of you. So, unless you want your faces spread across the internet, my suggestion is you go somewhere more private.”

Louis takes his hand from Liam’s neck and his other from his thigh, taking Liam’s hand in his own instead. “Thanks, Fiz.”

“I’m glad you’re both happy.” She tells them, offering a sweet smile and heading back inside.

“Alright, let’s go face the music.” Louis says, tugging Liam up from the bench.

Liam stumbles slightly, grabbing on to Louis’ shoulder for support. “Harry was right.”

“About what?” Louis questions, voice dangerously low.

Liam ignores whatever that means and pushes at Louis’ shoulder to make him walk. “I’m wankered.”

“Think you’re right there, mate.” Louis agrees, his fingers tightening around Liam’s as he leads them both inside.

It takes them a good ten minutes of searching before they find Harry and Zayn. Harry had managed to get himself twice as drunk as Liam, in the time between when he’d left them and now. Zayn has him barricaded him in to one of booths, and is trying to force him to drink a pint of water when Liam and Louis finally find them.

“I was thinking of walking this one home, are you two coming?” Louis asks.

“Yes.” Zayn answers loudly, to cover up Harry’s small _‘no’_.

Louis doesn’t let go of Liam’s hand as they wait for Zayn to drag Harry out of the booth. In fact he doesn’t let go of Liam’s hand at all, not when they say goodbye to everyone, not once they’ve ventured outside, not even when Liam tries to tug away so he can throw up in the bushes.

“I don’t think he’ll make the walk home in one piece, we should call him a taxi.” Zayn says to Louis, trying to keep a drunken Harry in an upright position.

Louis rubs a soothing hand down Liam’s back as Liam leans in to his side. “Yeah, I’ll call one and wait with him, you get that one home.”

“Are you sure?” Zayn asks.

“I’m sure.” Louis tells him.

Liam barley lifts himself from where he’s tucked up against Liam’s side to accept Zayn’s hug goodbye. He mumbles his _‘Merry Christmas’_ when Harry announces that its past midnight and officially Jesus’ birthday and in turn not Louis’ anymore. The last thing he remembers from that night is Harry singing _‘Happy birthday to Jesus and not Louis’_ as Zayn dragged him off up the road.

***

Liam wakes up to a pounding headache and a dog licking at his face. “Must at admit, Goth, as much as I love your kisses, they’re not the best thing to wake up to.”

“Rather they be from someone else, huh?”

Liam has to actually blink his eyes open to make sure that he’s not still drunk and imagining his dog being able to talk. He feels slightly relieved to find Zayn standing at the side of the bed, even if he has got that disappointed expression on his face that Liam hates.

“My head hurts to much for your judgment this early in the morning.” Liam complains.

“It’s mid day, mate.” Zayn informs him, folding his arms. “And you should consider yourself lucky. Harry said once he’s got over his hangover, he’s going to yell at you, a lot.”

Liam ignores him, focusing on his dog instead. “Have you opened your presents yet, boy? I bet your Nanna has spoiled you rotten, hasn’t she?”

Gotham licks Liam’s cheek and then jumps off the bed. Liam climbs out of the bed, getting some jogging bottoms from his draw and pulling them on. He continues to ignore Zayn, who’s angered gaze follows him around the room. Gotham barks from his place by the door, tail wagging excitedly like he has any idea what presents even are.

“Alright, alright.” Liam tells him. “I’m coming.”

He yawns and scratches absentmindedly at his stomach as he follows the dog out of the room and down the stairs. It’s not until he’s half way in the living room that he freezes, blush instantly coating his cheeks. The room is filled with everyone who he invited around for Christmas dinner, including Louis’ mother and sisters.

“Did I forget to mention everyone was here,” Zayn says quietly yet amused.

Liam looks over his shoulder to glare at him.

“Liam.” His mother scolds. “You have guests, go and put some clothes on.”

“Yeah, I’ll just—“He says, pointing over his shoulder and then bolts out of the room.

He takes his time in the shower, trying to get control over is blushing cheeks. When he finally drags himself out, he dresses in some jeans, a red check shirt—keeping in spirit with Christmas—and splashes on some aftershave. He doesn’t go in to the living room straight away, not quite ready to face everyone. Instead he heads for the kitchen in hopes of only finding his mother. He’d rather have a scolding from her than the teasing that is bound to come from everyone else.

“If it isn’t our little Magic Mike wannabe.” Jay teases where she’s sat at the kitchen table. She looks considerably thinner than when he last saw her and she’s got a red head scarf covering what he assumes is lack of hair. But she’s also got the smile she gave Louis on her lips, and that’s enough for Liam to be able to keep his emotions in check.

“Jealousy, that’s all that sentence is filled with, you wish your husband had abs like mine.” He quips, walking over to place a kiss on her cheek.

Jay pinches his bum. “Cheeky git.”

“The kids have some presents to give you,” His mother tells him. “They’re waiting for you in the living room.”

“Alright.” Liam says, moving to give her a kiss on the cheek also. “Dinner smells amazing, by the way.”

“It should do, she’s been working on it since sunrise.” Jay informs him.

His mother tutts and waves them both off, turning back to the several pots on the stove. Liam smiles when Jay winks at him and finally leaves the kitchen. He takes a deep breath to brace himself and then heads in to the living room, to instantly be met by three of the five Tomlinson sisters, each trying to show him something they had gotten for Christmas.

“It’s lovely.” He tells Daisy who shows him the bracelet she had. “Of course.” He tells Phoebe who asks him if he could show her how to work the tablet she got. “Well, don’t you look pretty?” He tells Doris, who’s dressed head to toe in princess dress up.

“Girls, why don’t you give Liam the presents we got him?” Lottie suggests. She’s sat on the grandfather chair in the corner, with a carry cot tucked close to her feet.

Liam raises his eyebrows at her.

“In a minute,” She tells him with a bright smile. “Presents first.”

Phoebe and Daisy lead him to sit on the small gap on the couch, which happens to be between Harry and Zayn. He ignores the elbow Harry digs in to his side, knowing he deserves it. The girls hand him presents after present, it turns out each of them had got him a little something and they all scream Louis. When they’re finished, he gets up from the couch and goes in to the study that leads off from the living room, gathering up all the bags he had hidden in there.

The chatter that was circulating the room disappears when he comes back in. He looks at the tag on each bag and hands them around, calling for his mother and Jay, to hand them theirs too.

“Where’s Lou?” He asks looking between Jay and the two lads on the couch.

“He went to buy a tree and decorations,” Jay tells him. “Apparently your twinkle lights weren’t up to his standards.”

“Of course they weren’t.” Liam rolls his eyes. “I’ll give him his later, you can all open them.”

He sits on the window sill and gives an encouraging nod and eventually everyone digs in to their bags. He smiles as people thank him and makes excited faces at Doris and Ernie when they show him what he’d bought them.

“Thanks, Liam.” Lottie sniggers from across the room, holding up the three different bear onesies he’d got baby Jack that are sized more for a toddler than a newborn.

“I know he won’t fit in them for a while,” Liam says. “But mum said you’re overrun with newborn clothes so I thought—“

“I’m back.” Louis’ voice booms through the house and Liam swallows the end of his sentence. “Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a Christmas tree on Christmas day?” He freeze in the door way to the living room when he see’s everybody, more importantly sees Liam.

“Hi.” Liam says. 

“Hi.” Louis echoes.

The room goes deathly silent as the two stare at each other.

“Well we really should get back to cooking the dinner.” Liam’s mother announces and then everyone disperses. Though Liam can feel the two pairs of eyes glued to him and Louis from the couch.

“Do you want to?” Liam suggests, nodding over Louis’ shoulder.

Louis nods, dropping the bags in his hands where he’s stood and then turning on his feet. Liam follows him out of the room and then puts a guiding hand on Louis’ back to lead him upstairs.

“So,” Louis says once they’re in the safety of his room.

Liam kisses him. He kisses him because he might have been drunk last night but he remembers what they did, what he said. He kisses Louis because that’s the easy part. It’s when they talk that things get fucked up. Only Louis doesn’t see it that way and he’s mumbling words that Liam swallows with his lips.

Louis fists his hand in Liam’s shirt eventually, giving in. Liam feels a little smug and he presses forward causing Louis to stumble backwards, pulling Liam along with him so they’re lips don’t separate. Liam steps forward again, and keeps moving forward until he’s got Louis pressed up against the closest wall. It’s not until he’s got a hand between them and is working on undoing the button of Louis’ jeans that Louis catches on to what’s about to happen.

“Liam,” He pants, tilting his head back against the wall. “My family are downstairs, _your_ family are downstairs.”

“Then you’ll have to be really quiet.” Liam tells him, his hand disappearing underneath the waistband of Louis’ trousers.

Louis groans, low in the back of his throat the moment Liam gets a hand around him. Liam starts off slow, building up a rhythm in a way Louis used to like, and judging by the way Louis’ moaning, he still likes. Liam kisses him when he eventually begins to move his hand a little faster, quietening the noises Louis makes until they’re just hums against his lips.

Louis pulls back the closer his orgasm creeps, his head pressing back against the wall and his hips lifting up in to Liam’s grip. Liam dips his head forward, to suck a mark in to the skin of hisneck. The hand that Louis had resting on his shoulder, moves to the back of Liam’s neck and squeezes it hard as another low moan passes his lips.

“Fuck, Li.” Louis cries, his orgasm finally tipping over the edge.

Liam kisses his way up Louis’ neck and back to his lips, stroking him through it. Louis is breathing heavily as he comes down, kissing Liam back sloppy and out of sync.

“Dinner!” Liam’s mother shouts from downstairs and Liam quickly pulls his hand from Louis’ trousers.

Louis’ still trying to catch his breath as he does his trousers back up and says. “Was that my Christmas present?”

“Richard’s doing a terrible job if you count a hand job as a present.” Liam replies and goes in to the en-suite to wash his hand.

He knows it’s a cheap shot, considering he was the one who initiated both what just happened and last night. He doesn’t even know if Louis and Richard are still thing—though there is a certain ring missing from Louis’ left ring finger—because Louis has never told him exclusively that they’re not. For all Liam knows Louis could be fooling around with him while he’s in town, and then once Liam’s back on tour, he’ll go back to Richard, and act if none of this ever happened, and that’s the part that terrifies him.

“We should go downstairs before your mum sends Harry looking for us.” Louis says, once Liam’s returned to the bedroom. He makes a move to head out the door, only Liam catches his wrist before he can.

“I’m sorry, that was a dickish thing for me to say.”  Liam tells him.

“It was,” Louis agrees. “Can’t say I didn’t deserve it though.”

“Yeah.” Liam says and that’s it, right? That’s Louis telling him that this isn’t anything and that he and Richard are still very much a thing.

“We’re not still together, by the way.” Louis clarifies, as if reading Liam’s thoughts. “I left that pretentious asshole, along with a few other shitty things, back in LA.”

Liam tries to keep this smile of his face. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Louis nods, not bothering to keep the smile off his face. He steps forwards and leans up on his toes to whisper in Liam’s ear. “So, if you’d like, you could show me what a real present looks like.”

Liam involuntary shivers just as his mum calls both their names. Louis pulls back to grin at him and pecks Liam’s lips before leading the way down the stairs.

***

Later that afternoon, when the havoc that is Christmas dinner is finally over, they all settle in the living room and begin the annual Christmas movie marathon with _‘Muppets Christmas Carol’_. Liam’s sat on the grandfather chair in the corner, with Lottie sat on the arm and baby Jack snoozing on his thighs.

Louis is sat on the floor with Doris between his legs, his back resting against Liam’s legs. He hadn’t ventured very far from Liam since they came downstairs. He moved Harry at dinner from where he was sat opposite Zayn to the chair beside him, so he could have the chair beside Liam. He’d offered to dry when Liam told his mum that he’d got the dishes covered. He’d only left Liam’s side for five minutes before they settled down to watch the movie, and that was to help his mum go upstairs for a rest. 

Harry and Zayn seemed confused by the situation but both Liam and Louis had made sure they were never alone with either of them for them to be able to ask questions. As for the rest of their family, they’re treating Liam and Louis like they had when they first started dating, with careful looks and sweet knowing smiles. It makes Liam’s chest feel tight, though he’s not sure if it’s good thing or a bad.

“He’s never been this quiet for someone before.” Lottie whispers, stroking her fingers gently through her son’s little tuft of jet black hair.

Liam smiles at her and then looks back down to the tranquil baby in his lap. “My hairdresser recons I’ve got some kind of baby superpower, her daughter Ella was the same when I first held her.”

“You’re a teddy bear, that’s why.” Louis says, tilting his head back to involve himself in the conversation. “People just radiate calmness around you.”

“No,” Liam argues. “That’s Zayn.”

“No, he just makes people want to sleep.” Louis replies, earning a mumbled _‘twat’_ from Zayn who’s sat next to him on the floor. Louis ignores him, though he does cover Doris’ ears, she pays him no mind, her focus on the tv and the smarties she’s eating from the bowl in her lap. “You make people feel safe, Li.”

Liam feels his chest tighten because Louis is suddenly looking at him like he did all those years ago, and it’s a lot to take in, considering they haven’t even talked about what the bloody hell this is.

“I think it’s time for someone’s feed.” Lottie says, reaching her hands out for her son.

Liam gently lifts baby Jack from his lap and hands him over to his mother. Lottie gives him a gentle smile, grabs the nappy bag from behind the chair and heads out of the room.

“I think I’m going to...” He trails off looking down at Louis who still has his head tilted back in his lap.

“Don’t,” Louis shakes his head. “Just stay, yeah?”

Liam nods and Louis’ smile brightens, he nudges Liam’s knees apart with his elbow and then scoots Doris and himself backwards so they’re sat between Liam’s legs instead of leaning against them.

“Louis,” Doris complains.

“Sorry, sweetheart.” Louis says, stealing a few smarties from her bowl.

Doris leans her head back to look at him with a pout. “You suppose to ask if you want some.”

“I’m an adult,” Louis tells her. “I don’t have to ask for anything.”

Liam snorts, knowing if they ever have kids that would be the argument he would make for pretty much everything. _If_ _they ever have kids_ , he really shouldn’t be thinking about that. This thing with Louis isn’t even a thing yet and he’s already miles in to the future. It’s safe to say Liam is well and truly fucked.

“ _It’s_ _in the singing of a street corner choir. It’s going home and getting warm by the fire._ ” Louis sings loudly along with the TV.  “ _It’s true wherever you find love, it feels like Christmas._ ”

“Louis,” Doris giggles and a second later she’s singing along just as loud. Then Harry starts singing from where he’s got his head in Zayn’s lap. Then Ernie joins in quietly from across the room where he’s curled up on the couch with Liam’s mum, who’s also humming. Soon enough the entire room is singing along to the TV.

“ _It’s in the giving of a gift to another..._ ” Louis sings, tilting his head back to look at Liam, who feels a blush coat his cheeks when he finally gets the reference.

“Liam’s not singing.” Harry says loudly. “Someone make Liam sing.”

“Liam,” Doris and Ernie whine in sync.

Liam laughs and sings along, trying to avoid looking at Louis’ who’s still got his head practically resting on Liam’s crotch. It’s easy and fun to be able to sing along with a crowd of people who don’t care if he doesn’t know a lyric, or misses a note, or goes out of tune. It’s the first time in years he’s able to actually sing and not have to worry about what anyone else thinks.

Everyone claps and cheers when the song comes to an end and Liam’s cheeks hurt from how big he’s smiling. Eventually Liam’s mum shh’s everyone, when Ernie complains to her quietly that he can’t hear the film. Louis reaches back for Liam’s hand and gives it a squeeze, his eyes staying trained on the TV. Liam squeezes back, hoping and praying that they don’t fuck things up this time.

***

They make it to New Years Eve. They have week of pure bliss. Liam playing with the kids while Louis works and _playing_ with Louis when he’s home and the kids have gone to bed. They haven’t gone further than hand jobs and kissing, both to scared that the final step will make this real and they’d have to actually talk about what they’re doing.

 “We’ve got a three hour drive to London, Lou.” Liam tells him. “Pretty sure whatever you’re doing to your hair will have to be re-done once we get there and we’re going to be late if we don’t leave soon.”

Louis glares at him through the mirror, continuing to readjust the piece of his fringe that doesn’t want to stay put. “You have no right to get on your high horse when you took two bloody hours to pick out a shirt.”

Liam looks down at the plane blue Ralph Lauren shirt he’d settled on and promptly closes his mouth, sitting back down on the edge of the bed.

“That’s what I thought.” Louis states smugly.

He spends another ten minutes poking at his hair, not really getting anywhere with it. Liam keeps quiet, only checking his watch every minute that passes.

“Are you two ready yet!?” Zayn shouts from downstairs. “You’re going to be late for your own party at this rate, Li.”

Liam stands from the bed and gives Louis a pleading look.

“I’m ready. Christ,” Louis says, turning around to face him. “There’s no need to bring out the puppy eyes.”

Liam smiles slightly and steps forward, putting a hand on Louis’ lower back to tug him in and then he kisses him, slow and sweet.

“Hmmm.” Louis hums happily, pulling back only slightly. “As lovely as this is. I’m pretty sure Z will pop a blood vessel if we don’t leave soon.”

Liam pecks his lips once more, unable to stop himself, and then he takes Louis’ hand in his and leads the way downstairs. Harry and Zayn are waiting for them in the hall, both looking irritated that they’ve been made to wait. Liam grabs his car keys and wallet from the bowl by the door.

“Ready?” He asks.

Harry huffs and opens the front door, grabbing Louis’ other hand and dragging him away from Liam and out through it. Zayn follows them out but waits for Liam to lock the door to walk with him to the car. Harry and Louis are already in the back of Liam’s range rover, their heads bent together. Liam can’t hear what they’re whispering about but they both look at him when he climbs in to the driver’s side and continue to glance at him the three hour drive to London, it’s really unsettling.

Zayn snoozes for most of the drive but the moment they pull in to the private estate that hold Liam’s apartment block, he’s sitting straight up in his seat with eyes a little wide. “This is where you live?” 

“Sometimes,” Liam mumbles, the gate automatically opening as soon as its read Liam’s number plate.

“Fancy.” Harry comments from the backseat.

There are already cars crowding the car park and some people heading from them and in to the building. Liam drives down the underground garage, using his key to open it up. The other three remaining dauntingly silent until he’s parked the car. Harry’s the first to jump out, his phone in his hand and Niall’s name on his lips as he heads towards the building.

“Floor thirty four, it’ll be the apartment with the music and the door wide open.” Liam tells Zayn, who nods thankfully and jogs to catch up with his fiancé.

Liam looks over his shoulder to Louis who’s still sat in the back seat. “Okay?”

“How many people are going to be there exactly?” Louis asks curiously, lips in a straight line. 

“I gave Niall a list of about twenty,” Liam explains. “But I also told him he could invite some people if he wants. I wouldn’t be surprised if half of London is here.”

Louis nods and undoes his seatbelt, finally getting out of the car. Liam gets out also, locking the car and walking beside him inside the building. When they reach the lift, he tries to reach for Louis hand only to have Louis pull it away. He tries not think about what that means.

He puts on a smile, trying to ready himself for a night full of entertaining. Instead doing what he really wants which is dragging Louis home and watching the countdown on TV while cuddling on the couch.

The music hits them the moment they step out of the lift and Liam leads the way down the corridor to his apartment, the few people chatting outside greeting him with hugs and kisses before letting him passed inside. It takes him a while to work his way through the apartment, almost everyone there wanting to stop him to chat. Each time he passes them, he checks over his shoulder to see if Louis’ still following. He always is, even if he looks like he’d much rather be somewhere else.

Eventually they make it to the kitchen, where they find Niall and Harry, pouring shots for a crowd of people that surround them. Zayn is sat on the counter—close enough to Harry that it screams _‘my property back off’_ but far enough away that Harry won’t notice—and is chatting idly to a group of women, one who happens to be Olivia. Liam sneaks up behind her, pinching her waist and smiling at Zayn.

“Liam Payne!” Olivia squeals, turning around to hit his chest.

Liam kisses her cheek. “You got a babysitter for Ella then?”

“My mum is a legend.” Olivia announces and looks over his shoulder. “Oh, this must be your boy.” 

“Uhm,” He pauses, looking at Louis whose face is expressionless. “This is Louis.”

Olivia nudges him out of the way and offers her hand to Louis. “I’m Olivia. I get paid to make Liam look good enough that people will want to listen to him sing.”

“You get paid to do nothing then.” Louis says, it sounds like a joke but his blank face and the fact that he doesn’t shake Olivia’s hand, tells everyone that it’s not. He looks to Zayn. “Have you got any fags?”

Zayn nods and lifts himself up off the counter slightly to retrieve the pack of cigarettes and lighter from his back pocket. He hands them to Louis and Louis nods once in thanks and then disappears in to the crowd of people.

“I’m sorry, Liam.” Olivia frowns.

Liam shakes his head, still trying to fathom what the hell just happened. “It’s not your fault.”

He wants to go after Louis and demand answers but he’s got an apartment filled with people who know him as a mature artist, and he’s pretty sure chasing after Louis and yelling at him will completely ruin that image. Jessica would murder him.

Instead he starts chatting to Olivia and a few of her friends, ignoring Zayn’s judgemental frowns as best he can. He gets sick of them eventually and excuses himself from the group as politely as he can, he grabs himself a beer on the way out of the kitchen, losing himself in the crowd of people that all want a piece of his attention.

It’s almost midnight by the time he finds Louis again. He’s on the balcony, tucked on the ledge in the corner, a cigarette hanging loosely from his hand.

“It’s a good thing Zayn doesn’t know you’re out here,” Liam says, catching Louis’ attention. “He’d drag you off there because he’d be scared of you falling to your death and then murder you for being up there in the first place.”

Louis snorts. “He’ll probably kill me for smoking all his pack of cigs first.”

“Yeah, he’ll probably push you off the ledge himself for that.” Liam agrees, holding his own breath as he watches Louis climb back down.

“I rang your mum,” Louis tells him, stubbing out the last cigarette on the wall. “The girls are already asleep but Gotham is pining for you apparently. It’s gonna be really hard for him when you go on tour, if he can’t last one night.”

Liam feels a smile tug at his lips as he steps closer to Louis.

“What?”

“You called him Gotham.” Liam informs him, closing the last of the gap.

Louis rolls his eyes. “The most important thing you got out of that was what I called the damn dog.”

“He’ll be fine,” Liam assures him, his fingers slipping around Louis’ waist. “I can skype and face time, it’s not like he’s never gonna see my face. Plus mum will spoil him rotten. He won’t even notice I’m not there.”

Louis sighs. “Harry _was_ right.”

“That’s a first,” Liam jokes but Louis doesn’t laugh. “What was Harry right about?”

“We can’t do this,” Louis admits and before Liam can argue. “You deserve someone who isn’t scared of all of this. You deserve someone who will put you before anything else. You deserve so much, Li.”

Liam tightens his grip around Louis, scared that if he lets go then Louis will leave. “I deserve _you_.”

“No,” Louis says dangerously quiet. “You deserve so much more and I can’t—I can’t give you that right now.”

“Lou.” Liam says pained.

Louis leans up to press their foreheads together and smiles sadly. “I love you, so fucking much.”

“I love you too.” Liam whispers, closing his eyes and pressing his forehead harder against Louis’.

The countdown starts inside and Liam follows it with every breath Louis takes, he doesn’t even make it to one before he’s pressing his lips to Louis’. He tastes like the nicotine from the cigarettes he’d been chain smoking so Liam kisses him harder, he kisses him until he tastes like his Louis again.


	3. Chapter 3

_‘I'm stumbling off drunk, getting myself lost_   
_I am so gone, so tell me the way home’_

 

“I know you’re dying to get out of here,” The interviewer says, her name is Mandy or Mia, he feels guilty for not remembering but he’s done so much press today, he’s actually sick of the sound of his own voice. “But I have one last question that all of our viewers are desperate to know,”

Liam scratches at his jaw nervously, knowing if she’s making it as dramatic as this it’s not going to be something as common as what his favourite colour is.

“Who was your muse for the single? You’ve said it was very personal to you, and it’s obviously about someone particularly special.” She leans forward to press the mic right in to his face. “Our viewers speculate that it’s about Louis Tomlinson, your first boyfriend from the town you grew up in. He’s been back on the scene a bit lately, is there anything between you guys?”

“No,” Liam says, glad she worded so he could give a yes or no answer. “We’re just good friends.”

“So, there is a chance the song is about him?” She pushes.

Liam puts on his best press smile and says. “The song can be about whoever you want it to be about. I want my fans to relate to my music by using their own personal experiences, not focusing on mine. “

“Alright,” Mandy or Mia finally gives in, pulling her microphone back. “Thank you so much for chatting with us, Liam.”

Liam smiles for the camera and stands up when Jessica gives him the not to do so. He shakes Mandy or Mia’s hand and accepts her apologetic smile, he shakes the camera guys hand also and then follows Jessica back to the dressing room. There’s someone sitting on makeup chair with their back to him when he walks in the room, though Liam would notice the mousy brown hair anywhere.

“Lou?”

The chair spins around and Louis smiles at him, it’s weak.

“Is everything okay?” Liam worries, instantly thinking the worst. “Is your mum—“

“She’s fine.” Louis assures him, standing up and closing the gap between them. “She’s bossing everyone around and being a right pain, actually.”

“Back to her old self then?” Liam jokes.

“Yeah,” Liam smiles, only to have it disappear a second later.

“What’s wrong then? Why are you here?” Liam asks.

Louis tugs him over to the couch and forces him to sit down. “I came because we thought someone should tell you in person and Jessica refused because we both know you’re going to do the eyes once you’re told.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Liam furrows his eyebrows.

Louis tugs his fingers through his hair. “Gotham’s original owners, they’ve, well they’ve taken him back.”

“Oh.” Liam says stunned in to silence.

“I told you he’d do the eyes.” Jessica complains from across the room.

Liam glances at her and then looks back to Louis. “If they’re his owners then they’re his family. There’s nothing we can do”

“They’re not his family. We haven’t stolen someone’s dog,” Louis tells him, his voice stern, he’s angry. “They’re breeders, Liam. They sell puppies for a living.”

“Just because they sell dogs for a living doesn’t make them bad people, Lou.”

Louis raises his eyebrows as if to say _‘doesn’t it’_. “They said if we want to get him back then we have to pay. They know he’s your dog, the price they want isn’t even close to what you would normally pay for Gotham’s breed.”

“We’ll pay it.” Liam tells him.

“No, Liam.” Louis grits his teeth, he’s really angry. “I don’t care if you do have the kind of money that it wouldn’t hurt you to pay it. People can’t get away with taking advantage of you.”

“It’s Gotham.” Liam argues. “I’d give all the money I have to make sure no one takes him from me. Whatever they want, Lou. You give it to them.”

“Liam,” Louis tries to argue.

“No.” Liam says firmly. “Now, are you coming to lunch or have you got to head back home?”

“I can do lunch.” Louis says.

Liam nods and looks to Jessica who’s already pressing her phone to her ear to book them a table somewhere. She ends up booking them in at the restaurant inside the plaza, because it’s the one of the three restaurants in the whole of London where Liam isn’t really noticed by fans, and is still serving lunch at four pm.

 “It’s crazy.” Louis says once they’re sat down.

Liam doesn’t look up from where he’s browsing his menu. “What is?”

“Jessica just has to mention your name and people bend over backwards to make sure you get what you want.” Louis explains.

Liam scrunches up his nose, hating how pretentious that makes him sound.

“No, not in a bad way,” Louis says when he notices Liam’s expression. “I just can’t believe that my Liam and there Liam are the same person.”

“What do you mean the same person?” Liam asks when what he really wants to ask is _‘Am I really a pretentious asshole?’_

Louis shrugs, dropping his eyes to his own menu. “They see you as an object of unattainable affection, someone they can’t have but want. I see you as—“

“Someone you can have but don’t want?”

“Liam,” Louis pleads.

“You brought the subject up, Louis.” Liam points out, looking back down at his menu, pondering over whether he should stay healthy and have a caesar salad or go all out and have a steak.

The subject is dropped as the waiter comes over. Liam ends up ordering a bowl of potato wedges, having a sudden loss of appetite while Louis orders himself pasta bolognese. They chat idly as they wait for their food and once their food has been served. It’s not until the meal is over and Liam has asked for the bill that Louis brings the subject back up.

“I do.” He says as Liam fishes through his wallet for his card.

“Do what?” Liam asks, pulling the card out and putting it on the table for the waiter.

“I do want you.” Louis expands. “I always have.”

The waiter comes over before Liam has chance to reply and he pays the bill, handing the guy a tenner as a tip before he can walk away. Liam texts Jessica as they leave the restaurant and then they wait in the lobby for the car to turn up.

“I’m just trying to do right by you.” Louis says as they wait.

 “Then you have to stop bringing the subject up.” Liam tells him. “I’m trying my best here, Lou. But I can’t keep trying to be friends if every time I see you I’m always thinking we could be something more.”

Louis looks like he wants to say something but instead he nods his head.

***

Liam doesn’t see Louis again until a week later, when he goes back home—for the first time since Christmas—for Zayn and Harry’s one year anniversary. According to Harry it’s a mile stone and must be celebrated with family and friends, and not alone like a normal couple, then again nothing is normal about Liam’s friends, never has been.

It’s not the same as when he first went back home a year ago, first of all, he hasn’t got Niall with him—because he took the first break of their stadium tour to go and visit his lass in Australia—and second, it hasn’t been five years since he’s seen everyone this time. In fact most of the town had turned up to the show he did at Manchester at the start of the month, his family and Harry and Zayn also came to the three shows he did at Wembley.

Which is probably why when he strolls in to the dog and bone, no one really blinks an eye, and it feels nice that people are so used to him being back here that they don’t even notice anymore.

“I’m getting sick of seeing your face, Payne.” Eleanor jokes, pouring him a pint before he’s even reached the bar.

“That’s not very nice, when I only come home to see your ugly mug.” Liam quips, sitting down in one of the stools.

Eleanor hands him his pint. “You’re a bit early, do you know? The party doesn’t start until one.”

“I know,” Liam says, taking a sip from the pint. “Harry told me if I didn’t get here to help set up then I was no longer his favourite.”

“And you actually believed him?”

“Well, no.” Liam says honestly. “But I didn’t have anything better to do.”  

“You’re such a great friend, Liam Payne.” Harry echoes from across the room, when Liam turns to face him, he finds that the other lad is covered head to toe in confetti.

“If you don’t need my help,” Liam tries.

“I never said that.” Harry pouts.

Liam laughs, pays Eleanor for his pint and then makes his way over to his friend. Harry grabs his arm the moment he’s in reach and drags him through the pub to the back room where the party is being held.

“Liam,” Lux squeals the moment she clocks him, jumping up from where she was helping Zayn tie balloons and running over to him.

Liam hands Harry his drink so he can picks her up and throw her in the air. “How’s my favourite flower girl?”

“Uncle Harry says I can wear my dress again.” Lux says excitedly. “He said I can wear it every year until I’m old and grey but only on this day ‘cause it’s special.”  

“It is special, very special.” Liam agrees, setting her back down on the floor. “How can I help?”

“You could use your ridiculously strong arms to help Haz move the tables.” Zayn instructs.

Liam nods, moving over to where all the tables are stacked up. It takes them a good forty minutes to get everything set up, by the time their finished, the first of the guest are starting to arrive. Liam tucks himself in to the corner as Zayn and Harry head over to the door, to greet their guests. Everyone has brought presents which Liam thinks makes the whole thing even more ridiculous, most people spend money to celebrate their anniversary but not Zayn and Harry, no, they somehow make money.

“What are you so happy about?” Lou asks, handing him a pint and taking the chair next to him.

Liam shakes his head, trying to suppress his grin. “I have the most ridiculous best friends in the world.”

“They are rather strange.” Lou agrees, sipping at her own pint. “I don’t see how that’s something to be happy about. I’m actually kind of worried our Harry might need medical help.”

“I think Anne got him tested, they said there was nothing they could do to help. He’s a lost cause.” Liam jokes.

Lou laughs. “No, seriously, why are you so happy?”

“I’m just happy.” Liam shrugs and takes a sip of his pint.

Lou nods accepting his statement and the two sit in a comfortable silence as they watch the room slowly fill up with people. Eventually Lux comes over and demands to be taken over to the buffet to be fed. Liam offers but Lou waves him off, handing him her half drank pint and follows her daughter over to where Louis is taking all the cling film off the food.

Liam makes sure to look anywhere but where Louis is, trying to keep his happy mood. Only his life seems to hate him, and he has the entire Tomlinson brood coming over to him the moment he looks in the other direction. It’s not that he doesn’t love them but they’ve all got matching smiles to the one he loves, and it just reminds him of the thing he can’t have.

“Why are you sat on your own, Liam?” Doris complains, hands on her hips.

“I was sat with Lux and her mummy but they went to get food,” Liam tells her. “But I’m not on my own anymore, you’re here.”

A smile breaks out on her face, and it’s that exact smile that makes Liam’s heart both ache and swell at the same time. He puts the two pint glasses on the floor next to his chair, and takes baby jack when he leans out of Lottie’s grip towards him.

“You’re not so tiny anymore, are you.” He says while making wide eyes at the baby, who instantly smiles and wriggles in his grip.

“We came to your show, Liam.” Daisy tells him, with her own bright smile. Liam starts to feel like he’s surrounded. 

“I know, Louis told me you had.” He says, bouncing baby Jack on his thigh. “Did you enjoy it?”

Daisy nods and Doris manages to climb on to his other thigh, almost hitting baby Jack in the face with her hand and pouting when she gets scolded by Lottie for it.

“We made you a sign,” Ernie says quietly from where he’s resting on Fizzy’s hip. It still amazes Liam how completely opposite he is to the siblings. He’s quiet and timid, the exact same as Liam was when he was the same age.

“You did?” Liam frowns. “I’m afraid I didn’t see it, do you still have it?”

“Mummy made us throw it out because it was too big to keep at home.” Doris explains. “You really didn’t see it?”

“Of course he didn’t, Doris.” Phoebe sighs. “We were really far back.”

“Phoebe, done be rude.” Lottie scolds. “Liam was nice enough to give us tickets, you should be thanking him not complaining.”

“I wasn’t—“ Phoebe groans when Lottie glares at her. “Thank you, Liam.”

“You’re welcome.” Liam says, bouncing both his thighs to make baby Jack and Doris giggle. “I’ll make sure to get you front row seats next time, yeah? And If you make another sign, I’ll read it out in front of the entire crowd.”

“Okay.” Doris agrees excitedly.

“Is that alright?” He asks Ernie.

“Yeah, okay.” Ernie nods.

“Are you lot badgering poor Liam?” Jay asks, coming over with Dan hot on her trail. She looks so much better than she had at Christmas, her skin is back to its natural bronze colour and she’d put on some weight, she still wore a head scarf—a flowery one to contrast with spring this time—but Louis and Liam’s mother had assured him that she’d finished chemo, and her hair would grow back in time.

“Liam said we get front row seats next time, mummy.” Doris tells her excitedly. “And he’s gonna read the sign out and the whole stadium will know we’re his best friends.”

Liam grins a little at her words and tickles her waist.

“Have you thanked Liam like I told you to, little duck?” Dan asks, his hand resting gently on Jay’s back.

Doris nods and then proceeds to kiss Liam’s cheek. “Thank you for inviting us to your show, Liam. Everyone at school was really jealous, even Lucy Jackson said how cool it was and she’s the coolest girl in class.”

“You’re very welcome, sweetie.” Liam smiles at her.

Dan reaches his hands out and Doris easily goes to him. “Let’s go get some food before Lux eats it all up.”

“Lux can’t eat all the food, daddy. She’s too little.” Doris giggles as Dan carries her away, and Fizzy follows still holding Ernie. 

Jack grizzles in Liam’s lap and Lottie smiles at Liam as she lifts him from Liam’s lap, kissing his cheek and following her siblings. Phoebe follows her, not looking up from the phone Liam hadn’t even noticed she’d pulled from her pocket.

“I’m not hungry,” Daisy says when her mother looks to her. “Can I stay with Liam?”

“Is that alright?” Jay asks looking to Liam.

“Its fine,” He smiles and looks at daisy. “You’re legally allowed to drink beer now, right? You’re what twenty one/twenty two?”

“I’m thirteen.” Daisy giggles.

“Okay, so just half a pint then.” Liam says, grinning as he looks back at Jay.

“You’ve been spending too much time with my son.” Jay scolds playfully.

“That’s not a very nice way to speak about Ernie, mother.” Louis says, appearing as if out of nowhere.

Jay nudges her elbow in to his ribs and Louis winks at Daisy as he bends over and clutches at his side if she really hurt him. He waits until Jay starts fussing to stand back up straight and smile, wide and beautiful. It’s even worse for Liam, seeing the smile on the man himself.

“You’re a little bugger.” Jay says while shaking her head, trying to suppress her own smile.

Louis drapes and arm around her shoulder. “I’m your favourite, don’t lie to yourself, mother.”

“You’re my favourite first born.” Jay states.

“I’m your only first born.” Louis pouts.

Jay smiles up at him smugly and that’s it, that’s exactly where Louis gets all his cheeky antics from. Louis laughs and smacks a loud kiss on her cheek. He moves from her side and lifts Daisy from the chair, to sit himself down, pulling her down on to his lap.

“Hello.” He smiles straight at Liam.

Liam can’t hold back his own smile, even if his heart is practically doing cartwheels in his chest. There’s a crash from across the room and Jay is following it before one of the girls even has a chance to call her name.

“So, Daisy chain, we’ve got our Liam all to ourselves, what shall we do with him?” Louis asks, resting his head on his sister’s shoulder.

Daisy leans back to whisper something in Louis’ ear and Liam gets a little worried when the mischievous smile, that Liam knows means trouble, crosses Louis’ face.

“That’s a wonderful idea.” Louis exclaims and sits up a little straighter, turning him and daisy to face Liam. “We’d like a cuddle please, Liam.”

“A cuddle?” Liam asks confused.

“Louis said your cuddles cure everything,” Daisy explains shyly, playing with Louis’ fingers that rest on her waist. “He said that you give the best cuddles for when you’re feeling sad.”

Liam frowns, covering her hand with his so she’ll look at him. “Why are you sad, sweetie?”

“She’s having some trouble at school,” Louis informs him, when Daisy doesn’t speak. “But we’ve sorted now, haven’t we, Dais?”

Daisy nods but doesn’t say so verbally.

“Come here,” Liam says, reaching his arms out for her.

Daisy crawls in to his lap and pulls Louis along to so they end up in an awkward three person cuddle, not that Liam cares, he hates that the town he’d moved to when he was young to escape bullies, is a town that Louis’ little sister now wants to escape from for the exact same reason.

“If Louis gives you my number, you can ring me if you’re ever feeling sad, yeah?” He asks after they’ve sat in silence for a few minutes. “I don’t think my cuddles work so well through the phone but I’ve been told I’m a great story teller.”

Daisy nods and says quietly. “Okay.” 

“Okay.” Liam echoes and holds on to her—and by default Louis—for a bit longer.

***

It’s almost dark outside by the time Liam see’s Harry and Zayn again. He’d gone out to the back of the pub on search of his dog—his mum had apparently left him in the safe hands of Lux and Doris—and he finds Harry and Zayn instead. Zayn is sat on the wall that surrounds the pub, cigarette hanging from his lips as he chats idly to Harry who’s stood between his spread legs.

“If you’re blowing him, tell me now,” Liam says loudly as he approaches them.

Harry turns to grin at him. “Don’t act like you wouldn’t enjoy the show.”

“Once was enough, cheers, Haz.” Liam replies, lifting himself up on the wall to sit next to Zayn. He makes a _‘gimmie’_ gesture to the cigarette in his hand and Zayn reluctantly hands it over.

All three of them are quiet as Zayn and Liam pass the cigarette back and forth until nothing but the butt is left. Harry sighs happily once Zayn’s thrown the butt over the wall and he rests his head against Zayn’s stomach, smiling at Liam a little dopey.

“Are you drunk?” Liam asks amused.

“Just happy,” Harry says and almost purrs as Zayn begins to play with his hair. “It’s been a good year.”

Liam nods in agreement. “It’s been decent.”

“I know things between you and Lou,” Harry waves his hand around to gesture _‘are whatever they are’_. “But at least this time you’re trying to be friends and I get to keep you both.”

“They’re people not property, babe.” Zayn teases.

“They’re mine, and your mine and our baby’s going to be mine.” Harry says, tilting his head up to grin at Zayn.

Liam stares at them both and their matching grins. “Did you say baby?” 

“Yeah, uh,” Zayn laughs throatily like he does when he’s excited about something but is trying to act to cool to show it, which is something he’s not grown out of even though he’s now twenty five and married to Harry of all people. “We found a surrogate that’s based in Manchester. We start IVF next month,”

“That’s,” Liam shakes his head, lost for words. “Guys, that’s amazing news. I’m so happy for you.”

“Thanks, Li.” Harry grins dopily again, only Liam knows the reason for it this time.

“No one knows,” Zayn informs him. “We’re trying to keep it on the down low until we’re sure she’s—“

“Katie.” Harry corrects.

“Katie,” Zayn nods, grinning at him, the cool persona instantly gone the moment he looks at Harry. “Until we’re sure Katie is pregnant. Sometimes this town can be—and if it doesn’t take,”

“It’s going to work and we’re going to have a baby in ten months.” Harry says, staying positive.

“I won’t tell anyone,” Liam promises. “But does he, I mean Louis, does he know?”

“No, we were originally just going to tell our parents but Harry has a big mouth.” Zayn scolds Harry who pouts up at him. “A beautiful big mouth,”

“Oh god, those blow job images are coming back.” Liam jokes, shaking his head and scrunching up his face.

“We should tell him.” Harry says, ignoring Liam. “He’s our best friend, Z. He’ll be really upset if he hears we told Liam and not him.”

“I don’t know.” Zayn frowns. “We’re trying to not tell people who might spread it around and Louis likes a gossip, his mouth is bigger than yours.”

“I do not and it is not.” Louis scolds, pulling all three of their eyes to where he stands in the doorway to the pub.

“How long have you been stood there?” Zayn asks.

“Long enough to know you’re not telling me something,” Louis says disappointed but he quickly covers it with a grin. “And apparently Liam’s seen Harry give you a blow job which someone is going to have to tell me about in great detail, and I’m hoping its Liam because I’d love to see him blush and stutter his way through that explanation.”

“Louis,” Harry says softly.

“It’s cool,” Louis shrugs, face neutral. “I’ve only been your best friend since you were born and have trusted you with every secret I’ve ever had.”

Liam feels more than see’s the way Zayn moves position, his arms tightening around Harry more protectively. He knows an argument is about to break out if he doesn’t do something.

“It was in the locker room at school, after the end of season football match." He starts pulling everyone's attention to him. "I forgot my kit bag and you were waiting for me outside so I rushed in and out. I didn’t even realise I saw anything until I was sat in the passenger seat of your crappy citroen.”

“My citroen is not crap,” Louis snaps and then. “Why did you not tell me immediately?”

“You’d just won the season.” Liam shrugs, blushing slightly now as he remembers exactly what they did on the backseat of Louis’ citroen that day. “You distracted me.”

“Oh yeah,” Louis says, eyes going a little glazed. 

Harry clears his throat. “We’re going to have a baby.”

Liam looks to his left and Zayn’s shoulders are relaxed, in fact he’s got the same dopey smile on his face that Harry had earlier, except he’s trying to hide his in Harry’s mop of hair.

“Fuck,” Louis blurts and then he sprints down the path, almost knocking Zayn and Liam off the wall as he barrels Harry in to a hug. They cling to each other for a good five minutes and then Louis pulls back. “I still can’t believe you told Liam before me.”

“I like Liam better than you.” Zayn shrugs, pulling his pack of cigarettes from his back pocket.

Liam smiles a little smugly and takes the cigarette Zayn offers him.

“Well Harry likes me best so we should have been told at the same time.” Louis argues.

“Does it really matter?” Liam complains. “We both know now.”

Louis looks to him and his face stools in to something unreadable, the way Liam hates. He shimmies out of Harry’s grip, much to the younger boy’s dismay. “I, uh, should finish cleaning those dishes if I want to go home.”

“I’ll help.” Liam offers, about to jump off the wall.

“No,” Louis snaps, shaking his head as he walks backwards towards the pub. “I really think it’s best if you don’t.”

“Alright,” Liam replies and wriggles to get his bum back on the wall.

Louis turns on his foot and rushes inside and Liam’s left with a suddenly sad looking Zayn and Harry.

“Don’t,” Liam scolds them. “You’re supposed to be happy and we’re trying for you, the least you could is be happy that we’re finding a way to make it work.” 

Harry buries his face in Zayn’s chest and Zayn finishes off his cigarette while playing with bits of Harry’s hair. Liam thinks this whole being friends’ thing is going to be hell, if neither of them is willing to help.

***

Harry phones him next month while he’s in Spain. Actually he misses the call because he’s doing press but Jessica tells him that Harry demanded he be phoned back the moment he was done. Which he does, as he dragged from press straight in to a car, that will take him to that nights venue.

“We’re having a baby!” Harry yells as soon as he picks up the phone.

Liam woops, earning a curious look from Paddy in the rear view mirror, he coves the phone for a moment. “Harry and Zayn are having a baby.”

Paddy gives him thumbs up and a cheesy grin. Liam laughs and presses the phone back to his ear, only to hear Harry in conversation with someone who isn’t him.

“We can’t expect him to fly back here for every little thing.” Harry tells the person. “No I know it’s not a little thing but it’s not something we can’t celebrate when he’s finished his tour. We’ve got nine months, Lou.”

Oh, _oh_ so that’s who he’s talking to.

“Liam, are you still there?”

“Yeah, sorry,” Liam says trying to pretend that he hadn’t heard the conversation. “My security guy is really excited for you.”

“Oh, yeah, well tell him he can come to the baby shower if he brings a present.” Harry says cheekily.

Liam does exactly that and Paddy shakes his head while laughing. “He laughed, not sure if that’s a yes or no for the invitation, Haz.”

“Then I’m afraid his invitation has been declined.” Harry jokes, then whispers _‘no’_ away from the phone to Louis probably. “Li?”

“Yes, Hazza?” Liam says, trying to keep the smile on his face from when Harry had picked up the phone.

“When’s your next break?” Harry asks so quickly that Liam almost doesn’t catch it.

“I’ve got two weeks at the end of this month,” Liam informs him. “But for most of that I’ll have to be London and I’ve got Olivia’s wedding on the 30th.”

“Oh, yes, we’re invited to that.” Harry says excitedly.

“I know.” Liam laughs. “Why did you want to know, Haz?”

“Well we’re thinking of going to the dog for a few celebratory drinks but it doesn’t feel right, going without you.” Harry explains and he sounds so torn it makes Liam feel homesick.

“You should go and buy an extra pint for me, and I’ll buy two out here for you and Z.” Liam says in attempt to calm his own guilt. “That way we’re kind of drinking together, we’re just doing it in different countries.”

“Okay.” Harry says quietly and then. “Lou’s coming too.”

“Then I’ll buy one for him too” Liam agrees easily. “Is Z there? I want to congratulate him.”

“Yeah, hang on.” Harry says and the phone goes muffled for a second.

“Hello?”

“Hello daddy to be.” Liam greets. “Congratulations, mate.”

“Thanks, man.” Zayn replies, the smile radiating out of his voice. “Louis had this idea that we could face time you while we’re at the pub but Harry thought you’d say no so I thought I’d ask.”

“Sure, I’ll give you a text when I get off stage.”

“Cool.” Zayn says happily. “I literally can’t stop smiling.”

“I bet you can’t.” Liam says fondly. “We’re about to pull in to the venue so I’ve got to go but I’ll make sure to text you, yeah?”

“Yeah, have a good show.” Zayn says and then the dial tone plays.

Liam finds himself smiling all the way to sound check. 

***

“So I think I’m in love with her and I’m a little shit scared about it.” Niall finishes. He’d spent the past half an hour telling Harry in detail about his trip to Australia and how amazing Hannah was, basically he’s been hogging Liam’s phone, making sure it was focused on him as they huddle in a booth at the bar at the hotel.

“Have you told her?” Harry asks.

“Of course he hasn’t.” Liam answers. “What he’ll do is he’ll keep making grand gestures to try and show her how much he loves her but he’ll never actually say the words, and eventually when she tells him that she loves him, he’ll either be to scared or to bored to say it back.”

“Harsh but true.” Niall shrugs.

“Wait, if you know that’s what you’re going to do why don’t you just tell her?” Harry frowns through the phone.

“Did you miss the part where I said I was shit scared about it,”

Harry groans. “See, this is why I date men, it’s so much more straight forward.”

“I think the situation applies to the person not their gender, Haz.” Liam informs him, draining what’s left of the beer that was supposed to be for Zayn and starting on the one that was supposed to be for Harry. “I know a guy who likes guys who complicates things just as much.”

“Is Liam getting drunk and whining about Louis again?” Eleanor asks somewhere off to the side of Harry.  

“I don’t whine.” Liam whines.

“You’re whining right now.” Eleanor laughs, face coming in to view. “Oh hey Niall, when’s your Irish arse coming back to drain my pub of alcohol again?”

“When the love of my life doesn’t live on the other side of the world,” Niall informs her.

Eleanor’s face disappears but she very clearly says. “Is that little leprechaun pining too? Why don’t they just fuck each other and make the whole thing easier.”

Harry sniggers and turns the phone to show Eleanor swinging her hips as she goes back over to the bar. “That was for you, Ni.”

“My Hannah’s arse is much nicer.” Niall says proudly.

“Christ, you are so gone on that girl.” Harry points out, his cheeks are a little rosy from the congratulatory pints everyone in the pub had been buying him and Zayn. “Whatever you do don’t take pointers from Liam, he’s awful at love.”

“Excuse you,” Liam complains loudly, the three pints he’s had making his own head swirl. “You have a husband and are about to baby thanks to me.”

“That’s actually true.” Zayn admits, head coming to rest on Harry’s shoulder, putting him in view of the camera. “He made us go on our first date, remember? And then he calmed me down afterwards when I thought you were bored the entire time.”

“I was just nervous, you know I don’t talk much when I’m nervous.” Harry argues.

“I know that now but back then I was so terrified I’d buggered it all up,” Zayn pouts, proving he’s a little drunk too. “If Li hadn’t have had a bit of a yell at me and told me what a dickhead I was being, we might not be even celebrating today.”

“Fine,” Harry huffs loudly. “Liam is wonderful at love, except his own love life.”

 “Actually my love life being shit has nothing to do with me.” Liam argues.

“You can’t blame Louis entirely for you two not being together, Li.” Harry protests. “S’not fair.”

“I’m not blaming him entirely.” Liam says and then quieter. “I’m just blaming him mostly.”

“You know he’d be with you if he could, it’s not his fault he can’t put up with you being gone most days out of the year—“

“Harry.” Zayn scolds, cutting him off.

“No, he needs to know, fed up of this fucking dog and mouse shit.” Harry complains. “Louis broke it off because—“

“Harry,”

That’s not Zayn this time, that’s definitely Louis and he sounds angry. Louis never gets angry with Harry, even the one time Harry was drunk and tried to make a move on Liam, trying to make Zayn jealous. Louis had just grabbed Harry by the arm and pulled him in to a cuddle, and continued to cuddle him until he’d calmed down enough to admit how much he liked Zayn. But Liam knows Louis’ angry voice and that was definitely it and it was aimed at Harry.

Liam hangs up the phone before Louis can come in to view.

***

Liam’s nervous as ever when Olivia’s wedding rolls around but it has less to do with the fact he’s an usher and has to walk down the aisle and more to do with the fact he’s avoided phone calls from Harry, Zayn and Louis since that night. He also missed the past two Sunday phone calls from Harry, which he hasn’t done since they left Puerto Rico over a year ago.

It gets so bad that at one point that Jack—the best man—pours Scott—the groom—a glass of whisky and he hands it to Liam. “You look like you could do with this more than me, and it’s my wedding day.”

“Sorry,” Liam says, taking the drink back in one.

“There’s nothing to apologise for, mate.” Scott tells him. “Oli told me a bit about your situation, not the whole story but enough to know why your face is the way it is.” 

“It’s her fault, she invited him to the wedding and they don’t even like each other.” Liam complains.

“She told me that too, got off on the wrong foot, right?” Scott asks.

“More like Louis was a prick to her for no good reason.” Liam huffs. “Why does she have to be so bloody nice all the time?”

“She’s only nice to you, she’s a right bitch to everyone else.” Jack comments. Liam would argue with him but he’s Olivia’s brother, he can’t exactly defend her honour to her own brother.

“He’s only coming to the reception, right?” Scott asks, completely ignoring Jack.

Liam nods.

“Then all you have to do is make it through the service and the pictures without thinking about him, to keep that smile on your face.” Scott suggests. “And then when we get to the reception, you drink your body weight alcohol and either you tell him exactly how you feel or you throw up all over his shoes.”

Liam laughs and Scott grins and gives his shoulder a friendly squeeze. Scott’s dad comes in and says they’re ready for them in the church so they all head out. Liam does as Scott suggests, he focuses on Olivia and how happy and stunning she looks throughout the church service. He plays with Ella during the photos to keep himself distracted, and then when the cars arrive at the reception hall, he makes a beeline straight for the bar.

The thing is getting drunk doesn’t work when there’s a bar filled with people who all want to take a picture with you before you have a chance to actually get to the bar. Liam gives up in the end and goes in to the empty ballroom, searching each table for the one that contains his name.

The world clearly hates him because once he’s found his seat and before anyone else comes in the room, in comes Louis. He looks gorgeous in his blue suit and brown oxfords, with his hair gelled back like he’s in a bloody James Bond movie. Liam starts to regret not staying at the bar longer.

“Do you think that’s me?” Louis asks cautiously.

The place card reads _‘Liam’s +1’_ where as the two to the right of him both have Harry and Zayn’s full names written on them. Liam is going to kill Olivia, bugger her being nice, her brother was right, she’s a complete bitch and he’s never speaking to her again.

“My name’s not written anywhere else, so,” Louis continues awkwardly.

“Just sit down.” Liam snaps.

Louis does as he’s told, fiddling with the place mat once he’s fidgeted in the seat for a good five minutes. Liam covers his hand with his own to get him to stop. Eventually everyone else starts migrating in to the room and Liam removes his hand. He makes conversation with Harry and Zayn through the dinner, while Louis makes conversation with Niall, who sits on the other side of him. Liam actually starts thinking he can do this, he can make it through the night.

That’s until Olivia arrives at their table, she’s doing the rounds so she only makes idle chit chat, her hands resting on Liam’s shoulders as she does.

“Our Ella’s got a little crush on your Louis, she thinks he’s very handsome.” She tells Liam once she’d finished chatting to the rest of the table.

Liam glances at Louis who is staring at his empty plate in deep concentration. “Yeah, I think I’d have to agree with her on that one.”

“Not that you don’t look handsome too,” Olivia smiles. “You both look very handsome, the blue and navy go really go well together.”

“Excuse me,” Louis says and scrambles from his chair in the least elegant way possible.

“I think you should go after him.” Olivia suggests, squeezing Liam’s shoulder.

Liam sighs and drops his napkin on to his empty plate, he kisses her cheek in apology and goes in the direction Louis had ran off to. There’s a few people outside, scattered around, he finds Louis tucked in the corner trying to use his own lighter to light a cigarette he’d bummed.

“I’m sorry.” Louis says the moment Liam approaches him.

“You know if you don’t want to try to do this then,” Liam cuts himself off, rubbing at the side of his face tiredly.

“I am trying.” Louis cries. “I’m trying to make this work so bloody much but it’s hard, sitting next to you and not being able to kiss you. Not being able to tell you I love you every second of the day, fucking sucks.”

“Louis—“

“And I know it’s wrong of me because this is my decision.” Louis admits. “But I can’t help wishing it was different. I can’t help hoping that you’ll give it all up and come back home permanently. We could grow old together in that stupid farmhouse, maybe even have a couple of unruly kids. We could take them to the beach on the weekend, teach them to surf along with Zayn and Harry’s little rascal. We could go to the dog every Sunday for dinner with our parents and—“

“Stop it.” Liam snaps, cutting him off. 

Louis bows his head. “I’m sorry.”

Liam understands it now, why everyone gets so angry for him apologising all the time because that’s the second time in one conversation that Louis has said sorry and the word is slowly starting to lose its meaning.

“That’s what I want.” Louis tells him quietly. “But I know you have a career that you love and it’s not something I want you to give up. I just thought you should know.” 

Liam leans back against the wall and closes his eyes. “I can’t, Lou.”

“I’m not asking for anything,” Louis tells him.

“I know you’re not.” Liam sighs. 

“I think I’m going to go,” Louis says, stubbing out the cigarette he hadn’t even taken a drag of. “Tell Olivia she looked beautiful and I apologise for being a dick to her twice.”

“Lou,”

“It’s alright,” Louis promises with a small smile. “We’ll make it through this, I promise. I’m not giving up that easily. I just need some time to figure out how to be your friend.”

Liam nods and watches him go, his heart aching with every step Louis takes away from him.

***

The month of August is hell, mostly because he and Louis don’t speak. Liam gets his call from Harry every Sunday and every Sunday he asks how Louis is, and all he gets is _‘he’s fine but he’s still not ready’_. Liam tries to do what he did when he started this all, he puts his all in to his hectic lifestyle. Except he isn’t eighteen anymore and he gets tired more easily and he ends up coming off stage each night feeling more exhausted than the last.

Louis texts him _‘Happy Birthday, Mate x’_ on his birthday and Liam spends enough days moping over it that Niall drags him out one night after a show. Liam makes it through three vodka tonics and one dance on the packed dance floor— with fans trying to get in to VIP to get a picture of him—and then he’s bagging out, getting Paul to take him back to the hotel.

He feels ridiculous being newly twenty five and still going to clubs to try and get laid, when most of his friends have kids or are at least married. He always thought he and Louis would have been the first to settle down, when they had first got together, he thought they would have had their first kid by now at least. But that didn’t happen because Liam’s life didn’t go at all the way he planned it when he was seventeen. It’s not that he doesn’t appreciate everything he has because he does but it’s not enough anymore, he’s achieved everything he’s ever possibly wanted to and the person he’d always wanted to share it with, wasn’t there.

When he gets in to his hotel room—after Paul dropped him off with a stern _‘drink water and go to bed’_ —he drinks every mini alcohol bottle that the fridge contains and takes the last bottle that remains out on to the balcony, intending to have a smoke. Only Zayn isn’t here and Liam doesn’t know who else he can bum a smoke off.

So instead Liam drinks what’s left of the bottle and presses Louis’ name on his phone, he’s so surprised that Louis picks up, he almost forgets how to breathe for a second.

“Hey.” Louis’ says quietly down the receiver. “It’s a bite late for you to be calling. Isn’t it like three am there?”

“Uhm, yeah, I think so.” Liam slurs, bringing his watch up to his face, trying to get his eyes to focus so he can see the time. “Fuck, I can’t see it.”

“Liam,” Louis says slowly. “Are you drunk?”

“Bit,” Liam hiccups. “Okay, maybe a lot.”

“Fuck,” Louis comments, the receiver goes muffled. “El I need to take my break. I don’t care if there are orders. Well tell Michael he has to wait or if he’d rather I’ll shove his burger up his arse—“ the receiver goes muffled again and then Louis’ voice is coming back through, clear as ever. “Li, are you still there?”

“Yup,” Liam replies, popping the p and rocking on his feet.

“Okay,” Louis breathes relieved. “Where are you, babe?”

Liam looks over the edge of his balcony. “Chicago,  I think.”

“I know that, love.” Louis informs him. “I meant are you in a pub or a bar or your hotel room? Where are you?”

“On my balcony,” Liam tells him.

“Shit,” Louis says a little breathless. “I’m gonna need you to go inside, babe. I really need you to do that for me. Can you, yeah?”

“Okay.” Liam agrees easily, turning on his foot and walking back inside the hotel room. Only to trip over the shoes he’d kicked off earlier and land face first on the bed.

“Babe? Li? Liam?” Louis asks in a panic.

“M’okay.” Liam tells him, face muffled by the pillow. He turns over and huffs. “Fell over my fucking shoe.”

“You’re alright, you’re okay.” Louis says, mostly to himself.

“Yeah,” Liam mumbles, rubbing at the side of his face in frustration because no, he’s not, he’s actually sort of having an emotional breakdown.

“Why did you get drunk on your own, Liam?” Louis asks after a minute.

“Thought it would hurt less,” Liam professes. “I don’t want to do this anymore, Lou.”

Louis sighs down the phone frustrated. “Don’t want to do what, babe?”

“Not be with you,” Liam admits, rubbing at his now wet eyes. “I used to like it, never being in once place and always being busy. I didn’t have to think—I didn’t have to remember.” He hiccups a sob. “I didn’t have you and it hurt but I didn’t have the option to have you so I made do. Now you’re there, you’re always there. I want to be there too.”

“Liam,” Louis says conflicted.

“I don’t want this anymore, Lou.” Liam repeats. “I want you. I want the house and the kids, and everything you said. I want a boring life.”

Louis is quiet for a really long time but eventually he says. “Then come home, Liam.”

“Yeah,” Liam whispers. “Okay.”

***

It’s not as easy as that. Liam might know what he wants now but he still has two months of tour that he’s contracted to finish. But he also has Louis.  His Louis, who rings him constantly and skypes with him any time the both of them has a spare minute. It might be tearing Liam apart that he can’t just get on a plane and go and be with Louis, but touring is so much easier when he gets to see Louis’ face after a long day, even if it’s through a webcam.

He tells Niall before their last show in Miami and he expects him to be upset, what he gets is quite the opposite as Niall jumps on him ecstatically.

“You’re happy?” Liam asks confused.

Niall nods and shakes Liam by the shoulders. “Mate, you have perfect timing.”

“I do?”

“Yes,” Niall beams. “My Hannah said that she would move to England but only if promised not to tour anymore.”

Liam frowns.

“Don’t look at me like that, it’s not the end of the world. I was thinking of opening a guitar shop, maybe teaching some kids.” Niall shrugs and squeezes Liam’s shoulder, smiling sincerely this time. “This has been amazing, Li. We’ve been living our dream for the past five years and we’ve managed to travel the world at the same time.  Now it’s time to focus on some other dreams, like you and Louis having your happy ever after.” 

Liam pulls him in to a hug and buries his smile in his friend’s shoulder. “Promise you’ll visit?”

“Visit,” Niall scoffs. “Where do you think I’m opening my guitar shop?”

 “You’re a great man, Niall Horan.” Liam says, finally pulling back.

Niall laughs bright and loud like always. “You let me know if there are any properties for sale when you and Lou finally leave the bedroom long enough to see daylight, alright.”

“Sure.” Liam nods, grinning wide.

Olivia drags him away then, getting him ready for the show that night and for once he’s the one nagging her ear off, telling her all about home and how he thinks she should bring Ella to meet Doris, he thinks they’ll be great friends. Olivia smiles brightly at him, nodding in agreement as she tries to get him to sit still long enough for her to do his hair and makeup.

The show that night is one of the best yet and Liam gives it his all, wanting to go out with a bang and the other lads seem to want to do the same. He looks to the side of the stage where Jessica stands when the show comes to an end and when she nods, he knows he has permission for what he does next.

“Well it’s almost time for me to go, Miami.” He says in to his mic, sitting down on the steps that lead down to the catwalk. The crowd boo loudly and he smiles. “It’s been an amazing night, hasn’t it?”

Niall and the lads come to sit down next to him and Liam’s feels his heart swell when he sees the mixture of happy and sad smiles on their faces.

“I’m sad to announce,” He starts because that’s what he’s supposed to do. “That this is my last show for a long time. So for this last song I want you guys to put away your phones and your cameras and just enjoy. Do you think can you do that for me?”

The lights slowly start going out all around the stadium and Liam nudges Niall who begins to play the first few chords to the song.

“Alright,” He says, preparing himself. “This is One.”

He starts singing and eventually the only light left in the stadium is the spotlight shining where Liam and the lads sit on the stage. He can’t see the crowd anymore but he can hear them, there’s a seventy thousand people singing a song Liam wrote on New Year’s Day in his en suite bathroom, when he thought he’d never get his happily ever after. He sings every line like Louis is standing on the stage in front of him with that stupid smug smile on his face.

By the time Niall plays off the last chord, the screams are louder than Liam’s ever heard them. He climbs up from the steps and waits for the lads to do the same before bowing. Then once they’ve ran backstage, he gets the light guys to put the lights on and he can see the crowd then, he can see every smiling face and the little nine year old inside himself is smiling along too.

***

After spending two months in the warmer side of the USA Liam had forgotten how cold the UK could be. He’s shivering in his thin t-shirt as he stands on the doorstep to his own house, waiting for Louis to open up, which seems to be taking a while. He hadn’t told him he’d got the earlier flight because he wanted to surprise him so it’ll be luck really, if Louis is home. But it’d also be very unlikely for him to venture out this early in the morning. Liam knocks again and Gotham barks which makes his tense shoulders relax, knowing what that means.

“I swear to God whoever woke me up this bloody early is going to—“ Louis stops mid sentence.

Liam smiles at him. “I’m sorry, I know it’s early—“

Louis kisses him and pulls him inside before he has chance to finish his sentence. There’s no talking done as the two begin to strip clothes and make their way upstairs, somehow never once parting lips. They’re both naked by the time they hit the landing and Liam picks Louis up as they walk in to the bedroom, throwing him in to the middle of the bed and then crawls on to it himself.

They kiss until they’re both aching hard and then Liam moves from Louis’ lips and trail kisses down his body until he gets to his shaft. He jerks him off slowly as he takes him down inch by inch. The noises Louis is making would make even the best porn star jealous and Liam hasn’t even started blowing him yet.

“Liam, fuck.” Louis groans, his hand burying itself in Liam’s hair in attempt to get him to move.

Liam takes the instruction and starts moving his head, he moves his tongue in a way a girl in Germany had taught him when he’d got drunk after a concert and had a threesome with her and another guy. Louis moans in approval so Liam does it again, until he can hear Louis doing this hiccup little breath he does when he’s close. He nudges Louis’ legs apart with his elbow and manages to get one finger inside him, when a lube bottle hits him in the head.

“Might—Need—That.” Louis pants, head falling back against the pillows.

Liam pulls off him in order to coat his fingers in lube and as he does he gets a chance to take in the site in front of him. Louis is red all over, his chest heaving and there’s a gleam of sweat on his forehead. In Liam’s eyes, he’s never looked so gorgeous. He moves back up the bed to kiss him, unable to stop himself now he knows he can. He works two fingers this time, moving them slowly until Louis’ making impatient noises. He bites at Louis’ jaw and ads a third, twisting his fingers in a way that has Louis groan and grip at the bed sheets.

“Condom?” Liam asks against the skin of Louis’ neck.

Louis unclenches the bed sheets and reaches over to the bed side table, he manages to hit the clock and his mobile on to the floor before he finds the handle to the top draw. Liam teases him by curling his fingers and Louis’ halts his search for a condom to bite down hard on Liam’s shoulder until he stops.

Liam smirks down at him and then presses a kiss to his already raw lips. Louis resumes his search for a condom, eventually finding the entire packet and chucking it at Liam’s head.

“You’re so romantic,” Liam comments.

“I hate romance,” Louis replies still breathless. “S’why I fuck dudes.”

Liam rolls his eyes and leans down to press a lingering kiss to Louis’ lips as he pulls his fingers out. He moves so he’s sat back on his heels and rips open the pack of condoms, grabbing one and abandoning the rest somewhere in the sheets. He rips open the packet and goes to put it on, only to have Louis bat his hands out of the way.

He watches the redness rise on his own chest and up to his cheeks as Louis concentrates—lip bitten between his teeth—and lets out a breathless gasp when Louis jerks him a little once it’s on.

“Alright, get a move on.” Louis demands, hand reaching up to circle around Liam’s neck to pull down for another kiss.

Liam lifts Louis’ legs over his hip as he lines himself, he checks Louis is sure before pressing in slowly. Louis makes another hiccup noise, different to the one when he’s close. Liam can’t believe that it’s been so long but he still remembers the difference, the noises sounding exactly the same as they had in his dreams.

Liam presses a kiss to Louis’ forehead when he bottoms out, trying to entice him to open his eyes. Which he does, and Liam notices they’re a little watery which makes them look even more like the ocean.

“You okay?” He checks, stroking a hand down Louis’ thigh to his waist.

Louis nods, little smile on his lips and he squeezes his hand where it’s still resting on the back of Liam’s neck. Liam pecks his lips once and then starts to move, he takes a slow rhythm at first, rocking his hips back and forth gently. It takes a lot of will power but he knows it’s something Louis likes, a slow build and a big finish.

He picks up his rhythm only when Louis starts lifting his hips impatiently and then actually starts moving, his one hand gripping to Louis thigh, the other holding him up. Louis’ panting beneath him, his eyes closed and his fingers digging in to the skin of Liam’s neck.

“C—Close?” Liam asks breathless, dropping Louis’ thigh to touch him. He wants to tease him, make him beg for it but he also really wants to see Louis come and decides to leave the teasing for another time.

Louis whines, biting at Liam’s bottom lip. Liam jerks him off in rhythm with his thrusts and doesn’t take long for Louis to come, covering his stomach and Liam’s chest, gasping Liam’s name like it’s the only word left.  He looks completely blissed out when it’s over and Liam’s thrusts falter as he leans down to press a kiss to his lips, a kiss that’s barley returned because Louis’ so out of it.

Liam pulls out of him slowly, and drops on to the bed beside him instead, he takes the condom off and throws it across the room and then gets a hand around himself. He closes his eyes, feeling his orgasm creep closer and closer. The bed moves and then he’s got Louis pressed against his side, his fingers tracing Liam’s thigh.

“Come on, Li.” Louis whispers, lips pressed to Liam’s jaw. “Wanna see you come.”

 Liam does, gasping out every syllable of Louis’ name as he does. It takes him a while to come back down, even longer to finally be able to catch his breath and look over at Louis.

“Hi.” Louis whispers, still lying beside him.

“Hi.” Liam grins.

Louis leans forward and kisses his lips and then his cheeks and then any part of Liam’s face he can reach. “I hate you, why didn’t you tell me you were coming home early. I had plans.”

“Plans huh?” Liam asks, turning on his side to mirror Louis. “What kind of plans?”

“Just plans.” Louis says.

“So much for _‘I hate romance, that’s why I fuck dudes’_.” Liam mocks, still grinning. 

Louis pouts and punches his shoulder. “Don’t be a dick.”

“I missed you.” Liam admits, finding Louis’ hip with his hand to pull him closer. “Like, really fucking missed you and not just the past couple of weeks.”

“I know what you mean.” Louis says quietly. “I missed you too.”

Liam kisses him again and lets it last a good ten minutes before he finally tugs himself out of bed. “Come on, we need to shower and then we’re going to talk.”

“But I hate showering.” Louis whines, letting Liam tug him out of bed.

They shower together in the ridiculously large shower in the en suite bathroom. It’s got one of those waterfall shower heads and Louis refuses to get out the moment they’ve got in. Liam kisses him, and soaps a sponge to rub across Louis’ body, really using it as an excuse to let his fingers remember every inch of Louis’ skin, his eyes taking in the assortment of tattoos that cover it. He pauses on the tree on Louis’ rib cage, his mum’s name is on the root and each of his siblings name coming off each branch.

“Got it when I found out about mum,” Louis explains, his head resting on Liam’s shoulder. “She says it’s her favourite. I’ve just got to add baby Jack to Lottie’s branch.”

“Are you going to keep adding names?” Liam asks. The tattoo already takes up a good portion of Louis’ side, if each of his siblings had one child, that’d be an extra six names.

“S’why it’s so big.” Louis yawns. “Enough room to add names to each branch.”

“You’re a walking family tree.” Liam grins down at him.

“You’re terrible, awful, dreadful,” Louis yawns again, mumbling the rest of the words in to the skin of Liam’s neck.

Liam kisses his temple and keeps an arm around him as he uses to sponge to clean his own skin. He turns off the shower, getting them both out and wrapping a towel around Louis and then himself. He leads them in to one of the spare bedrooms and dries Louis off and tucks him in to the bed.

“Where are you going?” Louis asks, fingers wrapped around Liam’s wrist when he tries to move away.

“I’m going to feed Gotham.” Liam says softly. “Got to sleep, I’ll be right back.”

Louis grunts, clearly not happy about being left alone for even five minutes. Liam leans down to steal a kiss and then goes out of the room and back in to his own. He slips on some boxers, a pair of joggers, a t-shirt and a hoodie and heads downstairs. Gotham greets him the instant he enters the kitchen, he’s twice the size he was when Liam was home four months ago, he didn’t look this big through a camera. 

“Hi to you too,” Liam laughs when Gotham licks his cheek. “Do you want to go for a run, boy?”

Gotham barks and leaves him to run to the front door. Liam pulls on his socks and trainers that are still in the kitchen from the last time he was home. He goes back upstairs, checks to make sure Louis is sleeping and we he’s satisfied he is, he goes in to his bedroom to get his wallet from his jeans.

Gotham is waiting patiently by the door when he gets back down and Liam scratches behind his ears. The moment Liam opens the door, he’s run off down the path and has managed to run back and forth four times before Liam’s even reached the gate.

“I think twenty five is gonna be it for me, bud.” He tells the dog.

Gotham runs around him in circles like he’s taunting him and Liam snorts, his dog has definitely been spending too much time with Louis.

“You wanna race?” He asks, stretching out his bones. “Alright, we’ll race. I’m not dead yet and you’re going be old before me so...”

Gotham barks and runs away, only to come back a second later. Liam jogs on the spot and the dog goes still as if to say _‘do you realise you’re not moving’_ and Liam takes that is opportunity, sprinting his way down the lane.  Gotham takes seconds to catch up to him but he doesn’t pass him because he’s Liam’s damn dog and of course he has no idea what competition is. He probably thinks they’re doing their normal jog, only a little bit faster.

“I think I’m dead.” Liam complains, dropping on to the first bench they come across the moment they reach town. Gotham is panting too which Liam counts as a slight win.

“Okay,” He says eventually, dragging himself off the bench. “Let’s get Louis’ scones or I’ll be in big trouble for leaving him alone this long.”

The bakery is a little further walk up the road, in fact it sits on the top of the hill which Liam complains to Gotham about the entire walk up. It helps that he’s greeted with two warm welcomes when he gets inside the shop, man he loves this town.

“You’re back.” Fizzy says brightly. “Lou said you weren’t back until Friday.”

“I heard you two made up,” Miss Martha—the owner of the bakery—says cheerfully. She is sixty, never married and apparently is a part of  swingers club which is why Liam is not surprised when she says. “I’m surprised you’ve left the bedroom.”

“Louis’ sleeping and doesn’t know I’m gone actually,” Liam tells them.

“Well that was a dumb idea.” Fizzy frowns and then. “Hurry up and tell me your order, maybe he’ll sleep through you being gone, at least you better hope so.”

“I’ll have a chocolate muffin and a scone for Lou, please.” He smiles politely.

Fizzy sets to work packing up his order. “We’ve got a few scraps from yesterday, do you want them for Gotham?”

“Please.” Liam nods.

Miss Martha prices up his order. “Three fifty please, darling.”

“Keep the change.” Liam says as he hands over a fiver.

Fizzy hands him his order and waves him out before he can start to chit chat. Liam laughs, waving over his shoulder as he heads back out of the shop.

“I got you something as well. Don’t look at me like that.” Liam tells Gotham who whines when he greets him outside the shop. “We need to go back as fast as we came, are you ready?”

Gotham barks and jumps up on his thigh. Liam pushes him down and then starts to run, the dog keeping up every step of the way, even running back to him and then behind him to speed him up when he slows down.

“I—think—I—“ Liam pants as they reach the gate.

Gotham whines, nudging at his leg. Liam clicks open the gate once his breath has returned half way to normal and Gotham runs towards the house, where the front door is open and Louis is standing on the porch, dressed in nothing but jogging bottoms.

“Get inside,” Liam says as he walks towards him. “You’ll freeze.”

“You left.” Louis says dangerously quiet.

“I went to get cakes.” Liam explains, holding up the bag and trying to get Louis to go inside.

Louis rips his arm out of Liam’s grip. “You left, you fucking left. I thought,“

“Thought?” Liam asks, pushing past him inside.

“I thought—“ Louis says only to cut himself off again.

Liam turns on his foot once Louis is safely inside, the door closed behind him. “You thought I left you the way you left me. Twice.” 

“Yes.” Louis admits, his arms are still crossed only now it seems to be more to hold himself together than in anger.

“This is why we need to talk.” Liam sighs. “Go upstairs. I’ll make us some tea and bring it up.”

Louis looks cautious, not moving. 

 “I’ll come up,” Liam promises, stepping towards him to stroke his bare hip, his cold hands making Louis shiver. “I promise. This is it, okay? This is what I want. I’m not going anywhere.”

Louis nods and Liam kisses him softly, gently pushing him towards the stairs. Gotham is lying in his dog bed when he goes in to the kitchen. Liam puts the scraps Fizzy had given him down on the floor in front of him and then moves to flick the kettle on. Gotham’s manages to eat everything that Liam had put on the floor by the time he’s made two cups of tea.

“We’re going to have to go for two jogs a day if everyone keeps spoiling you.” Liam says, tucking the bag of cakes under his chin as he picks up the two cups.

Gotham pays him no attention, circling his dog bed, trying to get comfortable for his nap. Liam leaves him to it and heads upstairs. He finds Louis is sat in the middle of the bed in the spare room, his hands fiddling with the string on his jogging bottoms. Liam puts the tea down on the side table, along with bag of cakes, and then strips himself down to his boxers.

Louis stays quiet as Liam climbs on to the bed and is completely tense until Liam’s passed him his tea and his scone, and has settled in next to him, their arms pressed together. Neither of them talks as they eat their cakes and drink they’re tea.  Louis hands his empty cup back over and Liam sets it with his back on the side table and then he cuddles up to Louis’ side, his head resting against Louis’ chest. 

“I love you,” Liam starts quietly, his fingers tracing over Lottie’s name on the tree tattoo. “But you really fucked me up.”

“I know,” Louis replies. “I thought I was doing the right thing at the time.”

“See, that’s what I never understood,” Liam says, looking up at Louis. “You’ve had someone leave you, Lou. I was there when your dad left, it tore you apart. How could you think leaving would be the right thing for either of us?”

 “You still don’t get it, do you?” Louis says in disbelief. “Leaving you was and still is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life. I didn’t leave because I wanted to, Liam.”

“Then why did you leave?” Liam asks, going back to tracing his fingers over the names. 

“Because I was scared,” Louis admits. “You were it for me, even at nineteen. But we wanted completely different things. You wanted to move to London, to start your music career. I wanted to stay here and start a family.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that I would have—“

“Stayed.” Louis says, ending the sentence for him. “That’s exactly why. I didn’t want that,  you would have ended up resenting me for it.”

“But it would have been my decision.” Liam argues.

“No, it wouldn’t have.” Louis tells him quietly. “You might have thought it was but then years down the line, when you finally got bored with our cosy life, you would have blamed me. I didn’t want that. I didn’t want to take your dreams away from you.”

“Louis,” Liam says gently when Louis’ chest starts to shake beneath his head.

“I used to watch you sing, at the carnival, in school talent shows, at wedding parties,” Louis continues, ignoring him. “I’d see relatives come from out of town for them and it always terrified me that someone would find you, they’d realise how talented you were and they’d take you away from me.”

“So, you took you away from me instead?”

 “Sure, if that’s how you want to see it.” Louis says, voice quiet as he tries to keep his emotion in check, his chest has stopped shaking and instead he’s gone completely stiff beneath Liam. “I made the decision to leave because I knew if I didn’t then you would never would. I couldn’t lie and tell you that I wanted to go with you to London but I didn’t want to tell you the truth and have you not go either.”

Liam puts a flat palm on Louis’ chest to try and get him to breath normally, not wanting him to have another panic attack. The last one was scary enough and Liam didn’t even witness that in person. “I still don’t understand, if you wanted to stay here so bad why didn’t you just come back after I left?”

“It took you a year to stop looking for me,” Louis says and when Liam looks up at him shocked, his lips tilt up. “Harry told me.”

“That little,” He frowns. “He told me he had no contact with you.”

“I begged him not to tell you,” Louis admits. “And I think he blames himself for you not coming home because of it. That’s why he’s so attached to you now. “

Liam makes a note to talk Harry about that. “Still, it was five years and all that time you stayed in LA.”

“I got settled there. My uncle got me a job at the football club he worked for and I worked my way up from water boy to assistant manager.” He pauses, letting out a long breath. “Truth is, everything I wanted here, I wanted with you. I couldn’t settle here with someone else, it wouldn’t have felt right.”

Liam goes quiet, letting everything Louis had told him sink in.

“I know it hurt,” Louis finishes quietly. “But I would never change the decision I made. It was better this way, for both of us. You got your music career and had a chance to see the world, and now, maybe, I could have my cosy family life?”

Liam tilts his head up and smiles. “Yeah, I think I can manage that.”

Louis kisses him and flips him over on the bed, straddling his waist and mumbling _‘I love you’_ over and over again until they’re the only words Liam can process in his mind.

 

S E V E N  Y E A R S  L A T E R

 

_'Cause you are the only one’_

 

Liam wakes up to little fingers pulling at his hair and when he opens his eyes, he is met with a smile that always seems to take his breath away and it belongs to his ten month old son Micah. He’s the spitting image of Louis, with his mousy brown hair, his sharp blue eyes and finally the signature Louis smile.

“Well hello, did you have a nice nap?” He asks, lifting Micah along with him as he sits up.

Micah babbles nonsense and Liam nods along saying _‘yes’_ when he thinks appropriate. Years of talking to Gotham without a verbal response got him in perfect training for when he finally had kids. He grabs his sunglasses from the side table and stands up, lifting Micah on to his shoulders as he makes his way downstairs.

The chatter from outside leads him there, and he can’t stop the smile that spreads across his face when everyone instantly turns to greet them.

“Daddy, daddy, can you teach me to swim now?” Jo asks, her little feet slapping against the slabs as she makes her way over to him. Her mop of curly brown hair is tied in to a messy bun on top of her head and it bounces when she stops in front of Liam, rocking back and forth on her feet. 

“I thought Papa was going to teach you?” Liam queries, as he looks around the patio for the face he knows incredibly well, when he comes up blank he looks back to his three year old.

“He was but then Luca got nose bleed and Uncle Harry got scareded.” Jo informs him.

“Uncle Harry didn’t get scared,” Harry says, appearing from the kitchen with Luca balanced on his hip.  “He was sorting Luca out perfectly fine and then your Pappa decides that he wasn’t doing a good enough job.”

“That’s not very nice, Pappa.” Jo says as Louis walks out on the patio also.

“Don’t listen to your uncle Harry, sweetheart.” Louis tells her, picking her up and swinging her in the air. “He talks a lot of nonsense.”

“Are you okay, buddy?” Liam asks Luca, reaching a hand out to check the damage, his other keeping Micah balanced on his shoulders.

“Yes,” Luca grins, it’s the spitting image of Zayn’s. “Uncle Lou said I brave but daddy not.”

“You turned my own son against me.” Harry says offended.

Hannah giggles from where she’s lying between Niall’s legs on one of the sun loungers. “You guys are better than network TV.”

“I can’t wait until our one is that age,” Niall says, hands rubbing her pregnant belly. “But when she’s a baby is going to be awesome too,” 

Liam looks over at both of them with a smile, they’d had a tough time getting pregnant, it had taken years and they’d almost given up when they finally did. Louis had called her the miracle baby, the last of the bunch to make their unconventional family complete. Harry and Zayn had the twins—Ava and Ryan—and Luca. Louis and he had Micah and Johannah. Now Hannah and Niall will have their little girl. It makes for a perfect six.

“Just wait for the night feeds,” Louis says.

“And the tantrums,” Liam adds.

“And the endless nappy changes,” Harry joins in.

“The lack of sleep,”

 “Forget about grown up time,”

“The endless washing,”

“Alright, we get it,” Hannah cuts them off. “Let’s not scare the daddy to be too much.”

“Talking about nappy changes,” Liam screws up his nose, lifting Micah off his shoulders and then down to smell his bum, he holds him out to Louis. “I’m sure it’s your turn this time.”

“I can’t hear you,” Louis says loudly, moving away towards the pool. “Our daughter needs to be taught how to swim.”

“You should always take your turn, Pappa.” Jo tuts as Louis tries to coax her towards the pool.

“Oh, you are so your father’s daughter.” Louis shakes his head, going over to Liam and taking Micah. “Alright monkey, let’s get this over with.”

He blows raspberries on Micah’s belly as he heads inside and Liam will never get over that feeling he gets when he hears one of his children laugh.

“Daddy,” Jo says impatiently, holding her hand out to him where she waits at the steps to the pool.

“Arm bands first, missy.” Liam says, sitting down on the lounger next to Niall and Hannah. He grabs her arm bands from where they’re tucked in Louis’ bag.

Johannah huffs but does as she’s told, coming to stand in front of him. “Auntie Lottie said that Jack swim in the deep end of the pool—“ She brushes her hair off her face and watches Liam put an arm band on one arm. “When they went to holiday last year, he didn’t even need his bands.”

“Well Jack’s a lot older than you, baby.” Liam tells her, making sure the arm band is on correctly and then grabbing the other one.

“I know but maybe if you teach me good I can try.” Jo says hopeful.

“I tell you what if you can make it all the way to Uncle Harry,” Liam says, waiting for her to look to where Harry is sitting with Luca in the shallower end of the pool. “With your arm bands on, then daddy will teach you how to doggy paddle in the deep end.”

Johannah barley waits for Liam to check to make sure the other band is on and then she’s running to where the steps lead in to the deeper end of the pool.

“Louis’ gonna kill you.” Niall sings, smirking when Liam looks over his shoulder at him.

“Shut up.” Liam retorts, poking his tongue out childishly.

“Daddy,” Jo whines.

Liam moves from the bed and over to her, he removes his shirt and slips in to the pool and then holds his hands out for her. Jo comes easily, stepping on to the first step and then jumping in to her daddy’s arms.

“Okay, I’ll be right here, you grab on to me if you need to,” Liam tells her, holding her tiny waist in his hands as she kicks her legs and flaps her arms. “Just like that, all the way to Uncle Harry.”

Harry waves from the other end of the pool and Luca waves along too, gripping tightly to his father’s neck even though he has a rubber ring around his waist. Johanna kicks her little legs and moves her arms and attempts to move towards him, she falters a few times but Liam keeps a hand under her waist and helps her along.

“That’s my girl.” Louis cheers from the side of the pool when Jo finally makes it. He’s got Micah balanced on his hip and both of them are clapping. Harry and Luca are clapping too, along with Hannah and Niall.

“I did it, daddy.” Jo cheers, wrapping arms around Liam’s neck. “You teach me paddle now?”

“Sure, bug.” Liam agrees and helps her take her arm bands off.

“Liam Tomlinson, what the hell do you think you’re doing?” Louis asks firmly.

Liam keeps a tight grip around Johannah and moves back down to the dip end of the pool. “I promised I’d teach our daughter to doggie paddle and I’m not breaking that promise.”

“I can do it, Pappa.” Jo argues. “I can.”

“I don’t know, baby.” Louis says wearily.

“I can.” Jo repeats more firmly.

Liam nods in agreement and holds her away from his body a little. “Okay, baby, kick your legs and then move your arms, that’s it, that’s my girl. Are you ready?”

Johannah nods, concentrating hard.

“Liam,” Louis cries.

“She’s got, she’s doing it, Lou.” Liam says proudly, his hands are hovering by Johannah’s side but she’s holding herself up. “Keep your head up, bug, we don’t want you swallowing all the pool.”

Johannah’s got a concentrated look on her face that Liam has seen on his own face from time to time. “Daddy!?”

“I’ve got you,” Liam tells her and closes his hands around her waist, pulling her back in to him. “That was so good, sweetie. You did really well.”

“Pappa, did you see me? I did it all by myself.” Johannah announces, looking over Liam’s shoulder.

“I did see, baby.” Louis nods but his lips are in a straight line. Liam knows he’s in trouble.

The twins coming running up the steps in time to distract everybody, and Harry climbs out of the pool to go inside the house to make a salad to go along with the barbecue. Liam manages to avoid Louis for a good few hours, focusing on feeding Johannah and Micah and then putting them to bed.

It’s once the five of them are on the beach, blankets spread around a bonfire, the same way they had all those years ago, that Louis finally corners him. Actually he spreads himself across Liam’s lap and refuses to get up.

“If you threaten my daughter’s life again,” Louis says while narrowing his eyes at Liam. “I will divorce you.”

“She was fine, you can’t wrap her up in a bubble, Lou.” Liam tells him, wrapping his arms around the other lad despite the fact he looks like he wants to punch Liam.

“This coming from a guy who wouldn’t let me take her to swimming lessons when she was four months old because he said the thing about babies naturally knowing how to swim was a load of bollocks.” Louis argues.

Liam nuzzles his nose in to Louis’ neck. “That was three years ago, we’ve had another kid since then.”

“What so you forget the safety of the first one when the second one comes along?”

Niall throws two beers at them from across the fire. “Will you two shut the hell up and drink a beer. Seriously, I feel like I’m having war flash backs right now.”

“We can’t drink, the kids—“ Liam tries to argue.

“They’re sleeping,” Louis says and pushes one of the beers in to his hand. “And Hannah is upstairs, she’ll make sure they’re okay if they get up.”

“It’ll be good training for her.” Niall agrees.

“And you?” Harry asks, tucked safely between Zayn’s legs.

“It’ll come naturally.” Niall shrugs, and lies down on his blanket. “We should have got some fireworks.”

“Hmm,” Louis hums agreement, pulling Liam’s arm around him more. “Can you believe the last time we were here was eight years ago?”

“I can’t believe they hadn’t sold the place.” Zayn says. “Well, until Liam came along that is.”

“It was a good investment,” Liam  argues.

Louis tilts his head back to grin at him. “We’d agree with you if you didn’t say that about everything, babe.”

“The money was just sitting there anyway.” Liam mumbles mostly to himself.

“That too,” Louis laughs.

“It’s officially midnight,” Harry announces. “Happy birthday, Payno.”

“Happy birthday, Li.”

“Happy birthday, Payner.”

Louis leans his head further back until he can brush his lips across Liam’s. “Happy birthday, Mr Tomlinson.”

“They’re never going to accept the fact I took your name.” Liam grins against Louis’ lips.

“Fuck them, it’s _your_ name and proves you’re all _mine_.” Louis says proudly. “Even if you are old.”

“You’re the one who’s almost forty.” Liam says and laughs when Louis grimaces. “Was this how you saw it, us growing old together?”

“Yeah,” Louis smiles, glancing at the other boys who’ve fallen in to a comfortable silence. “This is exactly what I wanted.”

“Good.” Liam sighs happily, resting his chin on Louis’ shoulder. “I love you.”

“I love you too, so fucking much, even if you do threaten the life of my kids.” Louis grins, playing with Liam’s ring where his hand rests on his hip.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, this is long. If you've made it this far congratulations. I hope you enjoyed it.


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